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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Caught my DH on dating websites and he has now locked me out of my business account.

45 replies

Caughthim · 02/12/2020 00:05

We’ve been separated since the beginning of lockdown but still living together. I was taking over the business we had an an income for me and the kids. He’s just come off as director and I’ve gone on as it and been changing it over with the bank. So he should not be on there. This was done on Friday.

I logged on the app to see if it had been set up and it took me to the business account - which he has took thousands out off but it also linked to his private account.

Honestly I don’t know this man I’ve been married too. Dating sites, looks like he is paying another mortgage, multiple payments to women. I’ve still been doing his fucking washing.

I asked him about it. Shocked. Didn’t shout. He was raging. And still is sending me vile messages.

He has blocked the business card and I need it to pay for important stuff tomorrow. I can’t understand why he is still on it or able to with draw money out of it. Can’t get through on the bank as it’s too late. Can’t transfer the money out of the business account in to mine to protect it as he has cancelled the card. He saying he is not moving out as no where to go and is sat outside in the car.

I’m pulling my hair out.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 02/12/2020 00:09

What a mess. I can’t be off much help but removal as a director doesn’t automatically take him off the bank mandate. How much do you need to pay tomorrow?

SezziBaybee · 02/12/2020 00:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

Original poster
Caughthim · 02/12/2020 00:10

@SezziBaybee

So impossible to do, but try if you can to separate the dating websites from your thought process. Technically he's doing nothing wrong going on those if you are separated.

Have you got a lawyer?

No but it looks like he has going off his statement.
OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 02/12/2020 00:15

Well get one. He’s technically embezzled money from the business. Do you have an accountant for the business?

Original poster
Caughthim · 02/12/2020 00:16

@LouiseTrees

Well get one. He’s technically embezzled money from the business. Do you have an accountant for the business?
Yes we do
OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 02/12/2020 00:19

Contact them in the morning or even now via text. See if they can help in any way eg do they have agent privileges at the bank. Also in confirming what offences he has committed if any.

Wheresyourclapham · 02/12/2020 00:22

Are you able to lock him out for the night?
Stop doing his washing and get a Lawyer!

PurpleMustang · 02/12/2020 00:23

God knows what he was thinking. Make a timeline list of what has happened so far with the changes to the business and money he has moved. I suggest you message him, so written down demanding the money is moved back ASAP and that you are now emailing the accountants so they are aware and calling the bank first thing. Hopefully he will crap himself and return it.
Him moving out needs to be a separate issue to this if he starts on about it but it does also need to start bring sorted out, once the money is safe

Original poster
Caughthim · 02/12/2020 00:24

@Wheresyourclapham

Are you able to lock him out for the night? Stop doing his washing and get a Lawyer!
No I’ve tried. Just keeps directing me openings hours tomorrow. He’s just moved some money which I assume is for a hotel as I dont let him back in.

Apparently we was dead years ago. News to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Caughthim · 02/12/2020 00:25

Wont**

OP posts:
Original poster
Caughthim · 02/12/2020 00:26

I don’t even recognise who this person is!

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 02/12/2020 00:27

I’d say quite clearly I will be pursuing an embezzlement charge if £x does not appear back by the time I wake up tomorrow.

LouiseTrees · 02/12/2020 00:28

The money for a hotel for tonight I’d be inclined to let him keep just to get him away from the house but the thousands of pounds hell no. Don’t be sending him anything about the relationship or how you feel or anything just cold hard “ show me the money” texts as Mustang says.

MyNameIsAlexDrake · 02/12/2020 00:29

Please also get a financial accountant to look over things ASAP. Make sure all the creditors and taxes have been paid up to do date. If you are left as sole director and there are outstanding debts you could be left solely, and possibly individually, liable.

Wheresyourclapham · 02/12/2020 00:33

Take screen shots of his vile messages and also the bank transactions and money transfers he’s made.

Is there not a 24hr phone line you can call to report the bank card stolen?

Original poster
Caughthim · 02/12/2020 00:42

I’ve tried ringing online help but it’s just telling me to ring back on the morning.

He is certainly under the impression it’s still all his money. Is this true. I am am director now and he has been taken off. I signed all the paper work and scanned it over Friday. Can he take it back? He shouldn’t even be ok the account.

He is a massive cunt.

OP posts:
Chloemol · 02/12/2020 00:42

Just because he has been removed as director at, I assume companies house, he won’t be removed from the Bank mandate until you instruct the bank

Get an accountant, tell the bank he has removed money fraudulently, gets solicitor

Original poster
Caughthim · 02/12/2020 00:45

@Chloemol

Just because he has been removed as director at, I assume companies house, he won’t be removed from the Bank mandate until you instruct the bank

Get an accountant, tell the bank he has removed money fraudulently, gets solicitor

He said he had on Friday. I was in the room with him whilst he was ok the phone
OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 02/12/2020 00:59

Can you go in and change the password to the account and PIN number for the card so he no longer has access? Or as Wheresyourclapham says, report the card as stolen.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/12/2020 02:08

What an arsehole. Looks like you trusted a dishonest man again. Can you tell him to unblock the account and return the money otherwise you’ll be reporting him for embezzlement?

OwlOneAmorFati · 02/12/2020 02:12

This is not financial advice, but you've got that from others on this thread.

You get a huge clue where they're headed and their future behavior from the version of history they suddenly now insist is true. ie, the ''we were dead years ago'' means that he wants to move on quickly with zero guilt, more reasonable if ........ you were dead years ago.

Sadly as you can see, any moving slowly and sensitively to protect your feelings or rights is not going to be happening.

mummmy2017 · 02/12/2020 02:18

Get details if the Mortgage, half of that house is yours.
Also since he took the money that's coming out of his divorce settlement, so gone not lost.
Block the cards tonight, call the number of the back, you may be able to reverse the transfers if you talk to them tonight.

thosetalesofunexpected · 02/12/2020 02:59

Hi Op .
I agree your husband does sound like a Arsehole.
Its a shame there is so many of this type about unfornately.

For starters please stop doing his washing for him.
this is degrading and humilating to you,
No wonder you feel resenful, you are being a mug doing that for him.

(this is the problem,still living with this Arsehole, it can makes things,a bit messy/confusing.

He can, should be doing this himself, (treat him like he he is a lodger and you are his landlady,businesse type of Arrangement...

Definitely see about reporting the bank card as stolen and sorting,finding out if you can get those transactions reversed A.s.a.p

Obviously your husband is getting away, with robbing (embazzling your Business.
Email/tel inform your Accountant A.s.a.p about this.

Your husband is one hell of a checky fucker 😡

Original poster
Caughthim · 02/12/2020 07:11

He is out of his mind. He was sending me unhinged messages well in to the early hours. He will not be coming back in the house.

I can see the account and what’s in it just not pay for things or transfer money as he has blocked the card.

Tbh it’s going to be a race this morning to see who first can speak to the bank.

He is an utter sociopath

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 02/12/2020 07:18

Speak to the bank asap and tell them he has acted fraudulently. Can you arrange to live separately? Don't do any more washing or cooking or anything for him.