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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Caught my DH on dating websites and he has now locked me out of my business account.

45 replies

Caughthim · 02/12/2020 00:05

We’ve been separated since the beginning of lockdown but still living together. I was taking over the business we had an an income for me and the kids. He’s just come off as director and I’ve gone on as it and been changing it over with the bank. So he should not be on there. This was done on Friday.

I logged on the app to see if it had been set up and it took me to the business account - which he has took thousands out off but it also linked to his private account.

Honestly I don’t know this man I’ve been married too. Dating sites, looks like he is paying another mortgage, multiple payments to women. I’ve still been doing his fucking washing.

I asked him about it. Shocked. Didn’t shout. He was raging. And still is sending me vile messages.

He has blocked the business card and I need it to pay for important stuff tomorrow. I can’t understand why he is still on it or able to with draw money out of it. Can’t get through on the bank as it’s too late. Can’t transfer the money out of the business account in to mine to protect it as he has cancelled the card. He saying he is not moving out as no where to go and is sat outside in the car.

I’m pulling my hair out.

OP posts:

OwlOneAmorFati · 02/12/2020 07:35

Stay strong today. Collapse later xx

Original poster

Caughthim · 02/12/2020 07:53

Thank you. My anxiety is through the roof

OP posts:

bestguesstimate · 02/12/2020 07:55

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. What an arsehole. If/ when you have enough evidence of fraud you could report him to the police and let them deal with him in that respect.

OwlOneAmorFati · 02/12/2020 07:56

I know it isnt a magic solution but try listening to a calming binaural beats thing on youtube. You can leave that tab open while you are doing other things. I foound they helped get rid of the first level on anxiety and rage. Just the first layer! 😭

LouiseTrees · 02/12/2020 08:00

@Caughthim

I’ve tried ringing online help but it’s just telling me to ring back on the morning.

He is certainly under the impression it’s still all his money. Is this true. I am am director now and he has been taken off. I signed all the paper work and scanned it over Friday. Can he take it back? He shouldn’t even be ok the account.

He is a massive cunt.

Money from a company does not belong to the individual but the company and it is dispersed in the form of wages or dividends. There are rules. If he was a sole trader/partnership business then he’d be in less hot water.

LilyLongJohn · 02/12/2020 08:04

Can you ring the fraud helpline at the bank? These lines are usually manned. Tell them
Someone not involved in the business has moved mi eh around and you can't use the card.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 02/12/2020 08:11

I’d definitely go to the police station from the bank-as said above, money in a company account is not your personal account to spend at will. It’s for the companies bills, wages of people who work for the company and directors dividends. As you sent the paperwork on Friday removing him as a director then none of these apply and it is fraud. I’d give him one chance to put the money back and would say if it’s not back in the account by 9am you will be reporting it to the bank and to the police. Good luck.

Original poster

Caughthim · 02/12/2020 08:26

I’ve managed to get him off account. Apparently the mandate can take up to ten days to process so he was legally allowed to take money. I’m just glad he is off now. Massive relief!

OP posts:

TwentyViginti · 02/12/2020 08:34

He sounds quite unwell and incandescent with rage you've caught him out.

Hope you are safe OP.

Original poster

Caughthim · 02/12/2020 08:37

@TwentyViginti

He sounds quite unwell and incandescent with rage you've caught him out.

Hope you are safe OP.

Exactly this.

OP posts:

DrMorbius · 02/12/2020 08:46

I’d give him one chance to put the money back and would say if it’s not back in the account by 9am you will be reporting it to the bank and to the police.

^^ This. Tell your DP you expect receipts and an account of exactly what the money has been used for, (as it is company money), or you will be reporting fraud.

Original poster

Caughthim · 02/12/2020 08:46

Thanks for the support but I’m going to ask MN to delete the thread as there maybe legal investigation.

Once again thank you for replying.

OP posts:

Newwayofthinking · 02/12/2020 09:00

Can you report him to the police for theft?

Stonecrop · 02/12/2020 09:03

This is financial abuse and you need a shit hot lawyer. He is probably hoping you can’t afford one if he leaves you short of money. Also recommend the little shaman podcast about toxic behaviour and financial abuse. Be strong and good luck.

Onacleardayyoucansee · 02/12/2020 09:11

You've caught him out and the mask has slipped.

For your emotional wellbeing I recommend Richard Grannon on you tube.

This madness, the injustice, might tempt you into arguing with him.
This will send you round the twist.
Communicate grey rock if you have to say something.
Don't tell him anything.
Facts, no feelings.

Stay safe OP.

Ghouliet · 02/12/2020 09:19

You can start a new thread for the separation without mentioning the business of needs be. I wish you all the best your DH is an utter twat for signing business over then stealing a load of money.

TwentyViginti · 02/12/2020 09:24

@Ghouliet

You can start a new thread for the separation without mentioning the business of needs be. I wish you all the best your DH is an utter twat for signing business over then stealing a load of money.

This is a good idea. You'll get lots of advice and support without having to go into the the separate business skulduggery.

Original poster

Caughthim · 02/12/2020 09:36

Thank you all for the suggestions to watch and listen

I’m on auto pilot at the moment. If I’m honest I fucking knew he was like this. The signs were always there. I just didn’t want to accept it. I’ve been busy raising small kids so it was easier to get on with it. He is a fucking pig

OP posts:

Onacleardayyoucansee · 02/12/2020 13:08

Yes, your intuition.
We usually do know but ignore in the hope we might be wrong
Take that lesson,
The mind will rationalise but the gut can't.
Your internal guiding system.
Give yourself a hug and apologise to yourself for not listening and commit to honouring yourself moving forward.

I've been in similar situation and the faster you step into the truth the faster you will feel better.

Loads on here have been through the crazy and emerge stronger, more confident and resolute.

LouiseTrees · 02/12/2020 19:30

@Caughthim

I’ve managed to get him off account. Apparently the mandate can take up to ten days to process so he was legally allowed to take money. I’m just glad he is off now. Massive relief!

Just wanted to say this is the view from the banks perspective. Doesn’t mean it was actually legal for him to take money from the business per company law ( which being an accountant myself I believe he has acted illegally). Please still speak to a lawyer or accountant. Also if this does get deleted, please do come back if there is a happy ending I’d you get your money back or he gets done for it. You want to make sure he is never able to have a limited company again.

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