Creepy married friend!

Flowerpowerr1 · 2020-12-01T23:22:11+00:00

Hi all feels like forever since I’ve posted on here. So im 25 years old and have a 1 year old I live with my parents since I got divorced from my ex. I’ve been divorced nearly 2 years now and haven’t met anyone yet not am I looking to meet anyone. Anyway there’s this guy whos my old manager where I worked and also my dads best friend and his wife is my mums best friend basically a family friend. He’s married and has 4 children he’s also much older than me! he always seemed to be a bit pervy I can always tell and also by the things he does with younger girls, (he always cheats on his wife) poor lady. Anyways I’ve got him on my Instagram and also his wife. I blocked him from seeing my story a while ago and he’s been messaging me asking why hes unable to see my stories and how he’d love to see it :/ I made up an excuse and ignored him. I also have an account for my baking business and he’ll always DM me compliments and say how I’m so good at everything with a wink face. I know he might just be being nice but I don’t know how to take it it’s making me feel really uncomfortable especially after hearing how he likes younger girls. Is it normal for him to message me nearly every night and then say good night at the end of the message I don’t know??

powershowerforanhour · 01/12/2020 23:31

Not normal. At all. Creepy a.f. Tell him that. Don't tell him he makes you feel uncomfortable. Creepy old fuckers looove making young women feel uncomfortable, it's part of the kick. Just tell him it's creepy. Use that word. Creepy. If he protests that he's just being friendly, say nope I think it's creepy. I showed my parents the messages and they think it's creepy. My friends think it's creepy. "Lechy old bloke" is another good term to use.

powershowerforanhour · 01/12/2020 23:38

Have you told your mum by the way?

NannyGythaOgg · 01/12/2020 23:39

Agree with the above. Call him creepy for starters, a pervert if he carries on and tell him any more is going to be forwarded to his wife and the police.

Do not own it. Do not say how he makes you feel, (that is great for relationships not for this situation). It's all him - and tell him so.

Goingtogetflamed · 01/12/2020 23:40

Not normal. Block him and if he asks why tell him the truth. I doubt he’ll argue too much if you know his secrets but in any case what can he say to “you make me uncomfortable. I don’t think you’re being appropriate”.

lunalulu · 01/12/2020 23:41

Just don't reply. Don't participate. He'll get the message.

Original poster

Flowerpowerr1 · 01/12/2020 23:42

Thank you for your reply! It’s really awkward because he lives and works right near me and my dad sees him every single day (don’t know how my dad would feel about this) I’m literally scared I’m going to bump into him because I don’t want to see his face!
He’s literally just said how he thinks I’m so beautiful and talented :/

I have told my mum she just laughs about it I don’t think she’s sure of what he’s trying to do she thinks he might just be trying to be “nice”

If he’s wife knew she would blame it on me she’s that strange type of woman even though I haven’t done anything! I would hate it if she found out she would hate me forever and probably even call me names 😐 crazy isn’t it.
he literally makes me shiver!

OP posts:

TooTrueToBeGood · 01/12/2020 23:44

You know he's being creepy. Pricks like him get away with it because they prey on the natural tendency their victims have not to want to cause offense unless absolutely certain. Don't play the game. Tell him plainly and clearly he makes your skin crawl and if he doesn't leave you alone you'll take an angle grinder to his crotch. Well maybe not the angle grinder but just block him / unfriend him on everything and if he plays the faux offended act tell him to piss off.

Original poster

Flowerpowerr1 · 01/12/2020 23:46

I am ignoring him I have been for a while but I don’t think he gets it.
I just find it so disrespectful because he’s a close family friend if anything he should be looking out for me not trying to flirt with me.

OP posts:

Pantsomime · 01/12/2020 23:54

TooTrueToBeGood - angle grinder to crotch made me laugh out loud. OP don’t fear telling him the truth - you won’t be the only one & I doubt he’ll say anything to your parents - if he threatens to just expose him for what he is

nowishtofly · 02/12/2020 00:02

Next time he interacts with you message something like:

'I find your frequent communication with me inappropriate. You are a married man and a family friend, you are showing way too much interest in me. It's unhealthy, disrespectful to your wife and it's not appreciated by me, please stop'.

Do that every time. If he persists just blank him. If he still persists this is harassment and you can talk to the police about it. Prepare for him to blow up and accuse you of overreacting. Whatever. He's a creep, that's the truth here. You've tried subtle, doesn't work. I suspect he knows you are uncomfortable and he enjoys that when interacting with you. Learn not to be a people pleaser and you will have an easier life.

11smo11 · 02/12/2020 00:25

@nowishtofly

Next time he interacts with you message something like:

'I find your frequent communication with me inappropriate. You are a married man and a family friend, you are showing way too much interest in me. It's unhealthy, disrespectful to your wife and it's not appreciated by me, please stop'.

Do that every time. If he persists just blank him. If he still persists this is harassment and you can talk to the police about it. Prepare for him to blow up and accuse you of overreacting. Whatever. He's a creep, that's the truth here. You've tried subtle, doesn't work. I suspect he knows you are uncomfortable and he enjoys that when interacting with you. Learn not to be a people pleaser and you will have an easier life.

This 100%

Clearly label his behaviour and make it very clear what he is and like was mentioned by a pp don’t make it about how you feel make it about what he is: a creep.

Also, spot on about being a people pleaser here. I wasted 3 decades of my life being ‘nice’ and trying to please people and it gave me nothing but awkward conversations/situations, unnecessary obligations and in the end a whole load of depression from being all things to all people (except myself). Wish I was nicer to me and told more people to f-off a lot sooner.

Cimone · 02/12/2020 00:59

Do not run from him like a passive fearful mouse. Stand up to him like a G! (In American slang that means like a Gangster/Gansta/aka a "G"). You tell that old fart this. You can cut and paste if it is easier for you.

"Look you ancient fossil, there is nothing that your dried bones and fat gut can do for me who is half your age. You are friends with my FATHER for God's sake. Don't make me show him your pervy messages, but if you keep this mess up that is exactly what I will do. Leave me alone. Do not message me, email me, call me, text me or even look at me ever again. You are OLD in case you have'nt checked a mirror lately. Your flab, gut and age are not the least bit attractive to me so stop this. You look stupid and desperate which is not at all attractive for a man your age."

user1481840227 · 02/12/2020 02:35

He's definitely not being nice.
So many older men are creepy....but then there some who genuinely are nice. It's easy to tell who the nice ones are because they are the ones who don't creep you out or make you uncomfortable.

WB205020 · 02/12/2020 03:59

Another suggestion is ask how his wife and kids are. Then add you find it creepy he is sending those sort of messages to you and to please stop.

Frannibananni · 02/12/2020 04:05

Block him on every platform. Make it so he can’t message you and ignore. When he asks why just tell him you find your Dads friends messaging you creepy. Tell your Dad he makes you uncomfortable.

Sara2000 · 02/12/2020 04:08

The trouble with confrontational messages is that unless he has been clearly inappropriate he will just deny it and say he was just being friendly etc and make you look like a loon. I'd be inclined to ignore all messages, but keep them and he will eventually clearly overstep the mark where there is no way he can pretend otherwise, in which case I'd respond with something like the above. What a creep.

StillCantSleep · 02/12/2020 04:47

Yeah, its shit and it doesnt get any better. There will always be blokes like this.

I'm 45. I have a male friend who is 67.

A couple of years ago, his business partner (same age as him, married, kids...) took to messaging me - expressing surprise if we were showing as online 'together'; asking me how my friend and I knew each other; sending me good night messages; threatening to 'delete' me from his contacts if I didnt reply just trying to engage me. I didn't ever reply, he'd go quiet for a few weeks and he'd start again.

I replied to his initial message which was sent under the guise of organising a surprise thing for my friend's birthday.

In the end, I told my friend and showed him the messages. He was shocked and I never received another one

If you're ignoring him and that doesn't work, I'd tell your dad. I'm never sure these 'take down' messages have the impact people think they will. Less is always more. Men like him rely on the discretion your discomfort affords them. I'd expose and humiliate him to his friend.

Chottie · 02/12/2020 05:40

@11smo11
Your comments about people pleasing are spot on. I wish I’d loved myself more and put myself first too.

@Flowerpowerr1
Please don’t make the same mistake of thinking you have to be nice to everyone no matter how they treat you.

Toilenstripes · 02/12/2020 05:45

@Cimone

Do not run from him like a passive fearful mouse. Stand up to him like a G! (In American slang that means like a Gangster/Gansta/aka a "G"). You tell that old fart this. You can cut and paste if it is easier for you.

"Look you ancient fossil, there is nothing that your dried bones and fat gut can do for me who is half your age. You are friends with my FATHER for God's sake. Don't make me show him your pervy messages, but if you keep this mess up that is exactly what I will do. Leave me alone. Do not message me, email me, call me, text me or even look at me ever again. You are OLD in case you have'nt checked a mirror lately. Your flab, gut and age are not the least bit attractive to me so stop this. You look stupid and desperate which is not at all attractive for a man your age."

This is perfect! 😆

HoneyWheeler · 02/12/2020 06:16

I have been in this situation. It's horrible.
The only thing I would say, is it is not your job to make men feel comfortable.

Block him. Who cares what he thinks. His feelings are not your responsibility.

Pinkypink · 02/12/2020 07:03

Don't confront him - he will belittle you.
Block and ignore. If he gets no response he will find someone else to annoy.
Are you close to your dad? Would you be able to tell him how you feel?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/12/2020 07:17

Block him on all channels . I would also not advise confronting because he could belittle you further. It’s also a response and such people live for that, they see it as their reward. Having a chat with the police here could be helpful to you now.

Sorry to read that your mother was of no real use here. Her boundaries are problematic.
I presume you have not told your dad because he and this man are apparently best friends.

Roselilly36 · 02/12/2020 07:23

Block him, tell your Dad, I am sure he will put him straight.

Dery · 02/12/2020 07:34

Your mum let you down. Her reaction probably comes from decades of training in making allowances for bad male behaviour.

Stop protecting this man. Tell your dad. Let him see what his so-called friend is up to. If your dad doesn’t get it (because he’s thinking like a middle-aged man rather than a young woman), educate him. Tell your dad this is creepy, nasty and deeply wrong, and you strongly object to having your boundaries attacked in this manner.

Dery · 02/12/2020 07:35

Sorry - to clarify - most middle-aged men would find this creepy too.