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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Creepy married friend!

47 replies

Flowerpowerr1 · 01/12/2020 23:22

Hi all feels like forever since I’ve posted on here.
So im 25 years old and have a 1 year old I live with my parents since I got divorced from my ex.
I’ve been divorced nearly 2 years now and haven’t met anyone yet not am I looking to meet anyone.
Anyway there’s this guy whos my old manager where I worked and also my dads best friend and his wife is my mums best friend basically a family friend. He’s married and has 4 children he’s also much older than me! he always seemed to be a bit pervy I can always tell and also by the things he does with younger girls, (he always cheats on his wife) poor lady.
Anyways I’ve got him on my Instagram and also his wife. I blocked him from seeing my story a while ago and he’s been messaging me asking why hes unable to see my stories and how he’d love to see it :/
I made up an excuse and ignored him.
I also have an account for my baking business and he’ll always DM me compliments and say how I’m so good at everything with a wink face. I know he might just be being nice but I don’t know how to take it it’s making me feel really uncomfortable especially after hearing how he likes younger girls.
Is it normal for him to message me nearly every night and then say good night at the end of the message I don’t know??

OP posts:

Upstartcrones · 02/12/2020 07:39

I would say,

'I think it's my dad you need to message not me as he's your friend. Not to worry though, I'll pass these along to him when he gets home and you can take it from there'.

Upstartcrones · 02/12/2020 07:42

Make it very very clear you're showing your parents all messages from him so it's a veiled threat but not overtly aggressive. It's the equivalent of using a water spray bottle on him

category12 · 02/12/2020 07:59

Practice your "No"s and don't be afraid to be assertive.

Continued unwanted attention is not the guy "being nice" - you know what sort of cheating shit he is, and you know how he's making you feel. You are not imagining it. Trust yourself.

It's OK to say, when he asked about being excluded from your stories, to say "yeah, well, you're dad's old-mate", pull a face (optional) and end conversation, walk away.

Practice some conversation-ending responses. Keep it short. Don't engage, don't give him your time to have to listen to him. Don't respond to him online. If he gives you compliments or attention, it doesn't mean you need to "be nice" in return, you haven't asked for some bloke twice your age to start sniffing round you like a horny old goat .

Wiredforsound · 02/12/2020 08:21

Block him. You owe him nothing. If he asks why just tell him that his messages were inappropriate and disrespectful, and you got fed up with them. Don’t go down the ‘made me feel’ route - they want to know they’re getting under your skin. It’s a power trip for them.

Sara2000 · 02/12/2020 08:27

What @Upstartcrones said.

Original poster

Flowerpowerr1 · 02/12/2020 08:33

Thank you all for your suggestions!
I’ve blocked him and took a screenshot of the chat just because in the past he’s accused women of harassing him when in fact it’s the other way round😂
If asks why I’ve blocked him I’ll tell him that he was making me feel really uncomfortable and how it was disrespectful.

OP posts:

Aerial2020 · 02/12/2020 08:35

@StillCantSleep

Yeah, its shit and it doesnt get any better. There will always be blokes like this.

I'm 45. I have a male friend who is 67.

A couple of years ago, his business partner (same age as him, married, kids...) took to messaging me - expressing surprise if we were showing as online 'together'; asking me how my friend and I knew each other; sending me good night messages; threatening to 'delete' me from his contacts if I didnt reply just trying to engage me. I didn't ever reply, he'd go quiet for a few weeks and he'd start again.

I replied to his initial message which was sent under the guise of organising a surprise thing for my friend's birthday.

In the end, I told my friend and showed him the messages. He was shocked and I never received another one

If you're ignoring him and that doesn't work, I'd tell your dad. I'm never sure these 'take down' messages have the impact people think they will. Less is always more. Men like him rely on the discretion your discomfort affords them. I'd expose and humiliate him to his friend.

Yeah I agree. He might like you getting mad and confronting him, it's a reaction. Ignore and expose him

Ardenon · 02/12/2020 10:13

Gross. I would be straight with him and call him out on his behaviour.

Sakurami · 02/12/2020 10:31

Well done. If he asks why, just tell him you find him disgusting and sleazy and want nothing to do with him.

powershowerforanhour · 02/12/2020 11:27

In the past he’s accused women of harassing him when in fact it’s the other way round

BOOM! He's an arsehole, Q.E.D.

Don't feel the slightest bit sorry for him or believe any of the fake "I was being friendly why won't you be nice to meeeee" bullshit. Ugh. Yuk yuk yuk. Creepy creepy creep creep.

StillCantSleep · 02/12/2020 16:46

If asks why I’ve blocked him I’ll tell him that he was making me feel really uncomfortable and how it was disrespectful.

Bo, he'll get off on that.

Tell him his behaviour was inappropriate akd disrespectful. Don't tell him how it made you feel.

Seriously, he knows what he is doing is wrong. He won't feel bad if you tell him how you feel.

Factual and emotionless.

This is about his behaviour, not your feelings.

EarthSight · 02/12/2020 17:07

Lol no. It's not normal.

Anyways I’ve got him on my Instagram and also his wife. I blocked him from seeing my story a while ago and he’s been messaging me asking why hes unable to see my stories and how he’d love to see it :/

I can't believe he actually messaged you about it!!! I'm almost embarrassed for him! I would totally ignore and block him. Don't let him make you feel bad for it, which I'm suspecting he will. He might send you sad smilies or say he was 'just' being friendly.

You don't owe him an explanation. You're clearly not interested he knows that and is just taking the piss.

EarthSight · 02/12/2020 17:13

@Flowerpowerr1

Thank you all for your suggestions! I’ve blocked him and took a screenshot of the chat just because in the past he’s accused women of harassing him when in fact it’s the other way round😂 If asks why I’ve blocked him I’ll tell him that he was making me feel really uncomfortable and how it was disrespectful.

Well done. You did the right thing by taking the screenshots. I wouldn't even bother to respond. He knows exactly what he's doing. If he really pushes it, send him one of those screen shots as an answer. I wonder if his wife knows about all of this?

Blahblahblahzz · 02/12/2020 21:24

Just angling for a shag. Block.

OnlyTheLangoftheTitBerg · 02/12/2020 21:55

DON'T tell him he was making you feel uncomfortable, he'll love thinking he has that sort of power over you.

Ignore, ignore and keep ignoring. If you do end up forced into a situation where you can't avoid him and he asks you about being blocked (IRL, for example), just say something dismisive like "oh it's nothing personal, I regularly go through my social media and remove people who aren't really my friends".

mummmy2017 · 02/12/2020 22:06

If he asks why you blocked him, just say I thought you had got dads number and mine mixed up.
If he says no , shrug and walk away.

MiddlesexGirl · 02/12/2020 22:17

You've done the right thing OP. Counter productive to engage or be rude.
Just keep ignoring unless he harasses. In which case you'd be within your rights to report to the police with your screenshot evidence.

category12 · 02/12/2020 22:17

I'd agree about not saying you're uncomfortable or that it's disrespectful - he'll just tell you you're imagining it or something.

If he challenges you, say something like "oh it was just so cringe!" or "just seemed so weird as you're dad's old [emphasis on old] mate!", something that'll take the wind out of his sails and puncture his ego.

nowishtofly · 02/12/2020 22:20

Agree with others, don't refer in any way to how he made you feel. He'll probably get off on that. Refer to his behaviour only. 'You were behaving inappropriately', 'you were messaging me repeatedly for no reason', 'your interest in me was unhealthy'.

I also agree with others that a good tactic might be to show some of the exchanges to your dad, creatures like this often crawl under a rock when the light is switched on. Won't work if your dad has a similar outlook on women though.

Sn0tnose · 02/12/2020 22:49

I also agree with everyone who has advised not to tell him that he made you feel uncomfortable. Some men are utter creeps and this is exactly what he’ll enjoy hearing.

If he asks you why you blocked him (which he’s likely to do as he’ll be banking on you having been conditioned to respond the same way your mum has) and you don’t have the confidence to tell him he’s a creepy fucker, I’d be inclined to reply ‘I like to keep my social media friends to my actual friends rather than friends of my dad, otherwise I end up being followed by a load of people twice my age and that’s just weird!’ Then you smile, tell him you must dash, but you’ll pass on his best to your dad, then turn on your heel and walk away with your head held high.

IdblowJonSnow · 02/12/2020 22:56

Yuk. What a sleaze.
Agree and block him. And then stop worrying. You've done nothing wrong. Your mums reaction was a bit off.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 03/12/2020 16:48

This is perfect
Send it every single time
'I find your frequent communication with me inappropriate. You are a married man and a family friend, you are showing way too much interest in me. It's unhealthy, disrespectful to your wife and it's not appreciated by me, please stop'

I’m also very at your mum here
She should have your back and not enable this creep
Can you start to send this , take screenshots and show parents

Dirty old git

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