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Relationships

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Confused. Ego boost

33 replies

Singlecat · 01/12/2020 17:40

My ex of over year got in touch this weekend. He was thinking of me and wanted to catch up. We tend to speak small talk once a month and have met up for walks when the weather was nice. We keep in touch and on friendly terms. Just not heard from him much since he started a new relationship 2 months ago.

We did hook up quite a few times when we were both single. Flirty banter but it calmed down when we both started seeing others. I am now single.

Conversation turned very flirty. He was saying I could never entice him into bed now he is taken and other stuff. Challenging me to try to do it but saying he could resist me?! I cut the conversation saying he was taken so I wouldn’t.

He started to tell me about issues he was having with the new girlfriend. I listened and said it sounded stressful, she needy but he must love her if he is still there. I also know what he is like!

He turned up round at mines last night unexpectedly. We went for a walk and a big chat. No flirting just normal mates having a laugh. He ended up telling me about issues with his girlfriend. He didn’t seem happy. Said he wasn’t sure it will work out. She has no ambition to work, messed up his business so he stopped her doing it and has boundary issues.

Later he texted saying it was really nice to catch up. He said he won at not ending up in bed with him as my seducing didn’t work. I didn’t even try or want to as he has a girlfriend.

It was very flirty texting. I did say if he was single then yes we may hook up, but as your not, that option is not there. If you want to then be single.

I am not too sure if he is using me for an ego boost as his relationship is not great, wants to hook up behind his girlfriends back or is testing the waters to see if I was interested before he dumps the girlfriend.

I have feelings still, more sexual, but not too sure the initial issues of why we split will be resolved. I would never go there until he is single.

Why is he doing this?

OP posts:
takeanotherchillpill · 01/12/2020 17:47

Why is he doing this?

Because he's a dick.

Singlecat · 01/12/2020 18:02

But he is normally not a dick. Never done this before when he or me had been seeing someone.

OP posts:
JurassicParkAha · 01/12/2020 18:06

Surely, it's obvious why. He's an arsehole looking for an ego boost. And you are seeking validation too by still staying in touch with him.

Would you like to be the gf knowing her bf is chatting shit with his ex behind her back? So, why encourage this chat by listening to him share deeply personal things about his gf, why meet up with him when you have sexual feelings but know he has a gf.

You're both bad as each other frankly. Why you would want to stay in touch with someone capable of treating women with such disrespect, I have no idea. Surely, it should give you the 'ick, and make you realise how self absorbed and immature he is.

GreenlandTheMovie · 01/12/2020 18:09

Why did you split up?

He thinks he's a Casanova, now that he has the security of a girlfriend who may well be looking up to him because he runs a business and she is non-working.

I don't think you're seeing him for what he really is.

JurassicParkAha · 01/12/2020 18:11

Also, you have no idea what he tells his gf about you. For all you know, they could have a great relationship, and he tells her you're being needy and constantly getting in touch, and he feels sorry for you.

Point being, you obviously have no idea what he's like or what he's really capable of. You only knew him for a year. All you can see is evidence that he's treating his current gf very poorly, and toying with your emotions. You both deserve a lot better.

GaryTheDemon · 01/12/2020 18:12

I think you need to cut that down ‘who tried to seduce you? I certainly didn’t!’

RollneckJumper · 01/12/2020 18:13

He is in a relationship with someone but is flirting with you and testing the water to see if you'd be up for sex with him... he is a dick!

I wonder if he was sending flirty texts to other exes behind your back when you two were together? Hmm

Sounds like he picks you up and puts you down when it's convenient for him. Stop wasting your time with him!

Singlecat · 01/12/2020 18:16

We split up as distance made it hard and we were both so busy we didn’t make time for each other. Suppose we both didn’t prioritise each other. Drifted apart

I do feel guilty about her which was why I shut it down and made it clear nothing would happen. He just turned up, so we went for a chat.

We have never really talked about relationships before. Normally life and friends chat.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 01/12/2020 18:23

That's not shutting it down in the slightest. Lol. That's just giving out 'try harder' signals. Shutting it down is "stop doing the my wife doesn't understand me pity party and the who won at not sleeping together challenge and fuck off"!

dasey · 01/12/2020 18:24

He's doing it because he's a knob. HTH.

CircleofWillis · 01/12/2020 18:35

Just to clarify... have the 'seducing me' comments only been over text? If so could it be the girlfriend sending messages from his phone trying to suss out what you both get up to and your feelings?

Opentooffers · 01/12/2020 18:36

He's continuing to do it because you are entertaining him. More than one ego in this.

Singlecat · 01/12/2020 18:39

I think it’s him texting. He hasnt seen the girlfriend for over a week. She tagged him on SM saying she missed him. Then with lots of inspirational quotes on how to make her happy and distance makes the heart grow.

Yeah I should block. But can’t.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/12/2020 18:56

Yeah I should block. But can’t.

Of course you can. You don't want to, but you can.

Didn't you post about him before? I remember cringing that you said he bet you couldn't get him into bed...

And now you're having big chats with him while he tells you how shit his girlfriend is. While he's still with her.

Mate, he's a prick and you're enabling him to treat her like shit and treat you like a fool.

He's probably laughing about keeping you both interested to his mates. Meanwhile you're trying to work out what he means and what he wants and why he's behaving like this... the answer is - because you're letting him.

Closetbeanmuncher · 01/12/2020 20:14

I also know what he is like

This comment would suggest that he is, infact a dick....

He wants you as on the side sex and to whine about his 'relationship issues'.

Personally I would tell him to take his disproportionately sized ego and bore off but you're not going to do that are you OP?

firesong · 01/12/2020 20:25

I don't know his motives. Could be that he wants the security of knowing there is sex on tap if he leaves his girlfriend, and perhaps he senses some other type of interest from you as well (or just wants there to be, so he feels less alone).

I doubt he is some horrible twat because he is doing this, but it's not great is it?

DEFINITELY wouldn't make it clear that you are a "sure thing" if he breaks up with her, if even a likely thing!

Singlecat · 02/12/2020 17:17

Thanks guys. He just messaged me to say he is dropping something round again tonight. Said I wasn’t in and lots of questions.

Asked if he is not seeing his girlfriend and he said no. She lives too far away and joked he should of seen someone more local. It’s a faff to see her as it’s 1 hour + Down the road.

We are acting like teenagers. Him saying he doesn’t care what I do, me saying good.

I do like him ad would jump at the chance if he was single. I am not chasing. He is.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 02/12/2020 17:48

But chasing what? A shag, an affair, a gf? I'm voting shag or affair.

Stop allowing him to drive the narrative while you wait passively and optimistically like a a Victorian romantic heroine for him to choose you. Ask him what the hell he's playing and and make your decision from there.

Thingsdogetbetter · 02/12/2020 17:51

And whinging about present gf to ex gf is just nasty behaviour!

wimhoffbreather · 02/12/2020 17:58

Why would you jump at the chance you’ve already gone out with him Confused

You sound nice OP, but he’s not a nice guy. Imagine you got back together and he was now texting another ex being flirty and sexual with her...how would that make you feel?

Sorry to break it to you, but he’s not doing this because you are special. He’s doing this because he’s very immature and kind of an arsehole tbh - instead of sorting things or breaking up with his gf, he’s trying to string you both along.

RantyAnty · 02/12/2020 17:59

Surely you can do better than this lying cheating arsehole?

Let me guess. Hell come over for shag and he'll disappear as he wants to work things out with his gf.

He'll show up again when he's horny.

This is a perfect example of someone pushing your boundaries.

PamDemic · 02/12/2020 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cardswapping · 02/12/2020 18:09

I agree with PPs and @RantyAnty.

Get busy and ignore him.

If you were the love of his life, he would ditch the GF and try to win you over honestly, not trying to keep both GF and you going.

BestestBrownies · 02/12/2020 18:11

You’re just the side ho.

Get some self respect.

HollowTalk · 02/12/2020 18:12

He knows you want him. He knows the other woman wants him. He's like a dog with two dicks, isn't he?

What is it about these completely useless men that makes intelligent women fall all over them?

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