I need help.. paranoid/gut feeling?

[Daisywaisy65]

A couple of years ago my husband used webcam sites to basically pay to watch women do things on cams, lovely. Having young children I tried my best to move past this and of course he said it was a mistake and would never do anything like that again.

Every now and then my paranoia gets the better of me, this happened last week. I managed to guess his username and password for the main website he was using for the webcams (livejasmin), although it didn’t show the last time he deposited money, it showed the bank card he used to use was now expired. There is also another way to pay called Skrill (I had never heard of it) and when I clicked onto that option it came up with an email address which is not the same as the 2 email addresses he currently uses. It’s a fake name I.e roger with 5 numbers after it. I know for a fact it’s not a randoms email address because these 5 numbers are the numbers he usually uses for usernames for other things. So the email address is showing as -

Roger76227 (obviously not exactly)

I’ve searched Twitter for a username using the above and it’s came up with someone who follows 80+ girls and they are all cam girls or only fan girls and the account was created in February. I’ve also searched the username on Snapchat and it says “roger fun”.

I have such a strong gut feeling that it is him, but at the same time what if it’s my paranoia. It seems too obvious to be my paranoia

I need help, I need help catching him out.

Once I have proof my marriage is done. I’ve had enough and this is the last straw, I don’t want to confront him with no evidence, I need something! I even thought about creating a fake account but it takes a lot of work making up fake email addresses etc.

Does anyone have any advice they can give me? I feel so low and looking after 2 young children I’m struggling. He is also away at work at the moment and won’t be home until near Christmas so I won’t see him.

Sorry you're in this position :( Do you need proof for legal reasons i.e. for potential future divorce proceedings etc? Or do you just want it to confirm your suspicions? I think if it's the latter then you don't actually need it, you clearly don't trust him therefore the relationship is not salvageable and you should start coming to terms with that so you can go about separating. If it's the former and you genuinely need proof hopefully some savvy folk will be along to advise shortly!!

Trust your instincts OP. It's very likely it's him especially as he's working away. He'll probably tell you he was lonely

You don't need proof to end your marriage. It's over anyway as you don't trust him. I would use this time to see a solicitor and get a handle on your joint financial position.

It takes no time setting up an email address and a profile. So - if you must - just do it.

But otherwise - you seem to be past the point of no return. Even if this recent bout of suspicion were proven to be nothing - you’ll keep waiting for it to happen again.
Not a great way to live.

How is your relationship otherwise? How will you get by with the kids if you do divorce? In your place - I’d try to figure out some practical detail before you act - as it might inform your strategy/timing.

Ime having suspicions confirmed makes it much easier to Ltb...

Without the proof I don’t think I’m strong enough to leave him, what if I am wrong and this is somebody else?

If I have solid proof in front of me that it’s him then I am 100% done.

I have mentioned to him in the past few months how I get paranoid if he’s on his phone a lot or stays up late and he says he’s not up to anything he would never do anything like that again, I just don’t believe him

How about creating a Twitter account and following the same girls? I have no idea how Twitter works

It’s the fear of him catching me before I have my proof.. this is me being paranoid again

On Twitter I clicked on forgot password and typed in his username, this took me to a recovery email address and the first 2 letters are the same first 2 letters of his middle name

I would have to be very careful creating an email address and username and make sure not to give anything away

Forgot to add that recovery email address would be yet another secret email address, this is how good he is at covering his tracks

If he has two factor authentication (I'm not on Twitter so no idea if this is used there) he may well be getting phone notifications that a new device (ie yours) is trying to access his account so he may already be alerted.

I mean this kindly, this is no way for you to live.

OP I’ve been there - long time lurker first time poster. Especially with SC. I am happy to help catch a rat

Hey OP - happy to help

You cant live like this, and you dont need solid evidence.

The damage was done a couple of years ago. If you want to leave, it's enough to just say you cant get past what he djd and have been unable to move on.

Check Kik and Telegram (communication apps) for user names the same as the ones you mention. Or get someone else to do it. Kik will show how long the account has existed. And Telegram will tell how recently they have been online. I can check Telegram for you if you DM me. (Best for you not to download Telegram as your contacts often get a notification that you’ve joined.). Telegram can be used for non dodgy matters mind you. But Kik always dodgy I think.

Does he use an iPhone?
And do you have a family iCloud account?
If so, you can check which apps he has downloaded and when
As PP mentioned, having downloaded apps like kik is probably all the proof you need

@slidingdrawers, maybe he is alerted but there have been new people followed today and more “likes” so if it is him he’s not been put off!

@Willhelp any help I could get would be great thank you so much for offering. If you are still happy to am I ok to message you? Or you could message me?

@Janesandian thank you for your message

@Shakirasma I understand what you are saying, but knowing the things I do now and being so close to finding out the truth I just want to know

@HaggisBurger thanks very much for that helpful tips! Il download kik tonight, am I OK to email you and give you a few possible usernames for Telegram? Thank you ☺️

Thanks everyone I really appreciate the help

@tenbob he does have an iPhone and we do have family sharing. I remember I used to look at the apps he had but on the settings now it only shows 5 things that are being shared with the family, like Apple TV, music, purchase sharing

I’m sure I seen something on an email about KIK a long time ago, il check again.. thank you!

[quote Daisywaisy65]@slidingdrawers, maybe he is alerted but there have been new people followed today and more “likes” so if it is him he’s not been put off!

@Willhelp any help I could get would be great thank you so much for offering. If you are still happy to am I ok to message you? Or you could message me?

@Janesandian thank you for your message

@Shakirasma I understand what you are saying, but knowing the things I do now and being so close to finding out the truth I just want to know

@HaggisBurger thanks very much for that helpful tips! Il download kik tonight, am I OK to email you and give you a few possible usernames for Telegram? Thank you ☺️

Thanks everyone I really appreciate the help[/quote]
I’ve DM’d you @Daisywaisy65

If you’re having to do all this the trust is gone. And it’s over anyway.

Don’t send a stranger off the internet your contact details. Seriously. Even one from here. You have no idea who they are in rl.

I think you can make him fess up without solid evidence, make him believe you know more than you actually do. I’m not sure how but seems like your only option.

Maybe call him unexpectedly, be really firm and cold and just say something like ‘I know all about it Rodger’ then just leave the call hanging until he cracks and says something to break the awkward silence. If he then denies it tell him your marriage is ending unless he tells the truth. Be really cold and firm show no emotion don’t get angry, the silence will make him talk.

Go on his iPhone settings it saves passwords for every site you use under the saved passwords section

I'm so sorry you've been through this. Honestly you don't need any proof. No relationship which makes you act in this way us worth it so it doesn't really matter if it's him or not.

It probably is though, you have gut instincts for a reason and the fact he has form for this behaviour and they're his favourite numbers it would be an astronomical coincidence for it to be someone else xx

@Ironingontheceiling I would have given people the same advice about not using a stranger off the internet but this is how desperate I am. Both of the people who offered me help have been great

@GameSetMatch that’s a good idea. When I found out about the cam girls a few years back even when I told him I knew about the bank statements he lied and said he had no idea what it was for a day or so and then confessed so it would take a lot for him to blurt it out

@lora88 this only works if you ask to save a website on your passwords. I have an iPhone and have the option of whether to save my passwords or not on websites when I log in.. I have checked his anyways and nothing on there

@MRC20 you are right, if one of my friends told me she was going to all this trouble to find out what her husband was up to I would be telling her it’s clearly over.

Can I just say I use telegram and it's definitely not for anything dodgy, uts just secure messaging. The only person I message on it is my OH of 8 years

@Daisywaisy65 it’s honestly exhausting living life like this. I remember it all too well and one time I found an old SIM card and was convinced it was exHs for a secret phone. I felt sick and nauseous almost all the time and on edge as well whenever things like this happened. We separated and it turned out that I was right all along and there was an OW and had been several other women across the years.
I just wish I’d had the self worth to know that I deserved a happy life then and didn’t have to live like that. And that I was right and didn’t need to prove it to anyone.
Just let it go and end the marriage. You will be so much happier.

@baileys6904

Can I just say I use telegram and it's definitely not for anything dodgy, uts just secure messaging. The only person I message on it is my OH of 8 years

Yup agreed. For some people it’s like WhatsApp. For others (because you can hide your phone number and be located by username name only - without the faff of having a second phone number for dodginess) it’s - hidden app used for communicating with people you shouldn’t. Kik on the other hand = always dodgy 😂