Ex wife/ Husband

[Saltnshake20]

Can you have a relationship with someone who is still heavily involved with there ex ?

It sounds like although it's a very unusual set up (and sounds unhealthy they aren't viewing their adult son as an adult) your partner is happy with it, so I would be moving on from him if I were you. Better to find someone you're compatible with who doesn't have a complicated, unusual dynamic you (understandably) don't feel comfortable with. I would be more weirded out by the way it sounds like they treat their son than by the way they act with each other!

I actually wouldn't get involved with someone who had a little prince adult offspring that the world must revolve around.

Being friends with the ex wouldn't bother me.

@VettiyaIruken

I actually wouldn't get involved with someone who had a little prince adult offspring that the world must revolve around.

Being friends with the ex wouldn't bother me.

This poster said it much more succinctly than me! Ditto.

The whole family dynamic sounds completely weird and unhealthy. If you continue being involved with him, you're the one who will be expected to bend to their weirdness, while they all agree how awkward you are by questioning said weirdness. For your own sanity and confidence, leave them to get on with it.

@Justmuddlingalong

The whole family dynamic sounds completely weird and unhealthy. If you continue being involved with him, you're the one who will be expected to bend to their weirdness, while they all agree how awkward you are by questioning said weirdness. For your own sanity and confidence, leave them to get on with it.

This.

My skin is actually crawling at the dynamic you are describing. The young adult involved is going to have major struggles in his life, because his parents have fucked him up.

Run, very far and very fast. It is not worth it!

And don't feel that you're uncool and have a jealousy issue with his ex and that's what's causing the problem. It's a cliché, but it's not you, it's him/them.

How long have you been in your relationship? Is there quite a big age gap, as you seem young...

Speaking from experience, cut your losses now

Not a chance would I engage with this. The patheticness of molly coddling a 21 year old would be enough without the exW stuff.

I'd be running far away. You will ALWAYS come 3rd.

You've got to be kidding?! Co parenting a 21 year old? Pffffffftttttt!
Most co parents will attest to the fact that they breathe a little sigh of relief the day their child is old enough to have their own mobile phone and contact the other parent themselves. As much a shared child means that two parents need to stay in contact, the vast majority likely look forward to the day they dont have to see or contact the other parent so much, particularly if there has been bad blood between the adults (though I apprecite many remain amicable)
21!!!! That's a joke!! And likely a poor excuse intended to cover up the fact that these pair of nutters clearly either can't let go, or live in some deluded bubble whereby they can remain as close to a family unit as possible but get the added bonus of other partners to sleep with.
I'd leave this shit show well alone OP.

To add, no wonder this kid is the way he is either. Poor bloody thing, didn't stand a chance.
I'm actually angry on your behalf, and that of their 'child'.

I completely understand what you have all commented and I thank you all for your advice. I don’t understand there set up either I’ve tryed to understand there friendship but something still doesn’t sit right. I have no understanding why you would have a child and not let it grow and mature into a adult as at first I thought it was quite toxic. Maybe they are just treating there child a child so they can keep there connections. I don’t know . It’s very sad to see a 21 year old male act like a child who still gets stroppy and upset when he doesn’t see his mum who hasn’t got any life skills other than to cook pasta it’s heart breaking. But as for 2 parents to encourage this behaviour too I’m just very confused.

Bloody hell, they all sound batshit! Run!

@Saltnshake20

Daily conversation and texts by phone. She is able to turn up and come and go as she pleases at his home and she takes there child out once a week.

Nope Not at all. That is room much

Text and conversation is fine with me not for everyone but turning up?
Wtf for?

I have a good relationship with my SS who is 22.

Because we are both adults and we both have boundaries that we both get.

He's never unwelcome but he rings before he turns up and gives us a " I'll be there in 20" type of thing.

Spesh on a weekend as I would do with him.

How long have you been with your boyfriend?
I'm 3 years in to a relationship with my DP and at the start it was hard, shared days out with his ex and their child,taking selfies on these days and finishing with a cosy takeaway all made me incredibly uncomfortable. This stopped after four or five months of us being together though although there are still times I find he panders to his ex now, I sometimes wish I had walked away its so hard and very unhealthy for all involved.

How long have you been together?

My long divorced parents are the best of friends and me and my brother (would you class a 36 and 28 year old as children?) still come first for both of them.

21? Fucking hell. Daily texts and phone calls about a 21 year old?

My parents haven't spoken directly since I was about 16. Doesn't have to be that way of course but what on earth could you need to discuss daily about a 21 year old?

As others have said, even if the ew was out of the picture, the fact that there is a mollycoddled 21 year old man would be very off putting. You will never be a priority and all will be dropped to accommodate this Princeling. Get rid.

I’ve read all your posts now @Saltnshake20

This family is batshit, the woman WILL be ever present, your supposed boyfriend will NEVER put you first, you literally are at the very bottom of the pile.

So the mother can’t function beyond simpering over a grown arse man baby and ordering takeaways, the man baby she gave birth to is a write off, and the bloke you apparently found attractive at some point is a wet lettuce completely incapable of leading a normal healthy life.

How can you honestly respect this bloke? How can you even bare to be in bed with him?

Seriously (caveat if this thread is actually for real) what the actual fuck are you doing to yourself? Where the hell is your pride?

I’d be utterly ashamed to be involved with that trio of tits.

Bear... typo

No I’m not saying you are children at the age of 36 and 28 . I assume you both don’t still live at home with your parents and they do everything for you. We’ve been together about 10 months. And yes this thread is for real. I have just struggled to understand the implement of there friendship and why they would stop there son growing up into a adult. Because god forbid anything happened to either of them he would never survive. And that I think is very sad because as a parent myself I have installed maturity and as many live skills I can into my children.

So man/child strikes again. My boyfriend and I were supposed to meet and have some time together for my birthday. That was cut short as man/child wanted to spend time with my boyfriend so our time is cut very very short. Only to find out when my boyfriend went home man/child didn’t want to spend time with him and just disappeared to his bedroom never to be seen again. Yep definitely realising this is going to go nowhere 🥺 .