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Original poster

Probably being too sensitive here

30 replies

Insertname123 · 01/12/2020 07:35

I was invited to spend Christmas with my partner's family which I was very happy about. Then I was uninvited this week due to Covid, as they already had 3 households or whatever the latest rule is.
I was told that I couldn't spend Christmas Day with them, and I said that was totally fine, then I was later told I can't go there at all during the month of Dec. (boyfriend lives at home).

Boyfriend moved in for lockdown, is leaving tomorrow and said that Dec is a busy month so he'll 'see me in January'.

It's true he has got things planned and I totally respect that I can't always be the priority. However, to say that he can't even find a day, even a few hours in the entire month seems a bit odd.
He then said 'well we have just spent a whole month together' and that is true, he just didn't seem that bothered.
I know a month isn't forever, it could be a lot worse but I think that people move mountains to see the ones they love and it doesn't need to be a full month, we aren't living a million miles away.
Anyway I told him this and he then backtracked saying we could find a day to meet.
How would you feel in this situation ? Please be gentle, we have just never spent that length of time apart before.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 01/12/2020 07:39

How long have you been together? How old is he?
If my boyfriend told me he wouldn't see me for a month without a very good reason I'd assume the relationship was over tbh

Original poster
Insertname123 · 01/12/2020 07:40

We are both late 20s and 7 months together. Yeah, like he was making plans for January and stuff, when I confronted him he seemed genuinely upset and said we could find a day to meet or whatever, I just don't know.

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 01/12/2020 07:41

I would assume relationship was over tbh from what I remember Christmas is a big deal for real couples

Hailtomyteeth · 01/12/2020 07:42

Sack this one. What's the point of a boyfriend who is too busy to see you for a month?

wewillmeetagain · 01/12/2020 07:44

I'm not trying to be horrible but it sounds like he's using covid as an excuse and doesn't want to be with you. Let him go, find someone who can treat you with decency.

Original poster
Insertname123 · 01/12/2020 07:45

It's a bit harsh to invite then uninvite me I think based on logistics. We live within a distance that would easily allow us to meet for a day. He claims he just 'hadn't thought of it'.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/12/2020 07:50

Meh....Id call time on it tbh. The relationship is new enough that you can just say "this isn't working for me anymore"

YakkityYakYakYak · 01/12/2020 07:51

The Christmas plans I wouldn’t be offended by, people are having to make tough choices to stay within the rules and can see why his parents might not want to make you one of the households if it means they can’t then see someone else.

Being too busy for the whole month of December is not a good reason though, I would assume he’s just not that into you and trying to phase things out, sorry to be blunt. Is there any other factor, is he particularly worried about COVID and maybe doesn’t want to risk spreading it to his parents?

Also, what is he so busy with?

Oreservoir · 01/12/2020 07:55

You're obviously not his priority, don't make him yours.

Lampan · 01/12/2020 07:57

I agree with @YakkityYakYakYak. The Christmas thing isn’t an issue, but yes it sounds like a slow fade to me.
A pp said Christmas is a big deal to real couples - no it isn’t necessarily. My best friend has been with her boyfriend for 6 years and they spend Christmas separately with their families, no big deal as it’s what works for them.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 01/12/2020 08:04

Now you know what to ask Santa for.
A caring bf.
I wouldn't be buying him a gift.
Just bin him.

HaHaVeryBunny · 01/12/2020 08:06

Honestly, it doesn't sound great. Everyone's busy at Christmas but you can definitely make time to see someone you love. You deserve a lot better OP.

Lampan · 01/12/2020 08:09

Surely he should WANT to see you during December. Even if he was busy he would find time.

Bunnymumy · 01/12/2020 08:11

Presumably it's more that he will be seeing his family and they've told you they cant see you over December. So he cant see you AND them. Or that would defeat the purpose.

But the way he said things...not good. Indicates he isn't even fussed. And I wouldn't be ok with not meeting my bf for a month either. Especially when you are only 7 month in. That could break a relationship.

Bluntness100 · 01/12/2020 08:11

I’d be less bothered about Xmas than him saying he won’t see you for the whole of dec and then throwing you a breadcrumb of meeting for a day.

I suspect this is over op, I’m sorry.

TwentyViginti · 01/12/2020 08:13

@Oreservoir

You're obviously not his priority, don't make him yours.
This.

You were good enough to shack up with over lockdown, but not good enough to see now FOR A WHOLE MONTH. A festive one, at that.

Bin.

Fudgsicles · 01/12/2020 08:26

Bin him. When DP and I got together we got frustrated after a few days and would always make the time to see each other, spending every minute possible together. That's how it should be when you really want to be with someone.

Saying he won't see you for a month is a piss take and he seems to think it's fine to have you sitting around waiting for him.

WinterWhore · 01/12/2020 08:27

Yeah I'd be binning him. Sounds like he has used covid as an excuse.

TheTeenageYears · 01/12/2020 08:29

Whenever I read posts like this which mention having got together since the pandemic started I can't help but think of holiday romances. 2020 is obviously far from a holiday but normal rules just do not apply in the same way as they don't for holiday romances. You can't really get to know someone properly under all the current restrictions - things will swing between moving in together far too soon in order to spend time together and not seeing each other for weeks on end. I just don't think anyone can judge a 'new' relationship in current times in the same way you might have done previously.

Derelictwreck · 01/12/2020 08:30

Presumably you're a single adult household if you've been seeing him this month, so you wouldn't count as an extra household at Christmas anyway, you'd be his bubble and count as one?

Either which way not a chance I would be in a relationship with someone who volunteers to go a months without seeing me!

LeslieYep · 01/12/2020 08:31

Me and now dh had first date in September. At Christmas we thought it was maybe too early to spend Christmas together, so we were in different counties with our families.
We spoke on Christmas day, and vowed never again as we were both miserable apart!

If someone can easily say, yeah, I'll see you in January after 7mo together, I'd say they're just not that into you.

Chloemol · 01/12/2020 08:31

Get rid, he obviously doesn’t care about you. When he leaves tomorrow and says see you January just say no I don’t think so, nice knowing you but as you obviously don’t care about me it’s come to an end and shut the door

BeenThereDoneThat3 · 01/12/2020 08:38

I agree with a PP that COVID relationships are different.

Essentially these are like holiday romances in that you spend loads and loads of time together because you’ve moved in together far too quickly and then you go back to the real world and it was just a fling.

I suspect that there are a lot of relationships like this where people have moved in together and when they get to the end of that period they realise that this wasn’t really a relationship they would have pursued long-term in normal circumstances.

I think he was insensitive in the way he delivered it but I don’t think that he’s necessarily wrong and that this relationship has just run its course for him.

DumplingsAndStew · 01/12/2020 08:40

Got together during a strict pandemic, but won't see you at Christmas because of 'rules'? Hmm

MiddleEasternMummy · 01/12/2020 08:46

Your definitely not being too sensitive! I personally wouldn't be happy . It could be one of two things ; he just isn't that into you , you should still be in your honeymoon period after 7 months and if he's not too keen this Christmas imagine the next . (If there is one together )

Secondly men really are from Mars , what they think is reasonable and acceptable baffles me , he may just think it's perfectly fine and nothing has changed for him re his feelings for you , and you can just pick up in January.

I wouldn't stand for it , it's messing with your emotions . Have a conversation and tell him how you feel , you need honesty and if he is trying to let you down gently he's doing more harm than if he just ended it . Get the truth !