Wife silent treatment or just angry

[Coffeep]

My wife has a tendency to get upset very quickly and will either sob / cry for hours or sometimes she will explode with anger and just go into a uncontrollable rage. We have been married for 9 years (arranged marriage) and have 2 young children. Its been like this at the outside and has just continued. If she gets upset she will cry in a manager i'd never see, she will wail for hours.

She didn't speak to either of my parents for a year when we were living with them. My father would get tea ready on the weekends at around 8:30 am, he'd always make a cup for her as she'd come down at 8:30 am. On a particular day, he'd made a cup for himself and me at 8:00 and didn't make one for her as it was still early for her. She came downstairs early and saw us drinking tea and took that as an insult and stop speaking to my dad. He did try to speak to her a few times but she just gave one word answers but otherwise ignored him.

We moved out a year later and I thought it would get better but it hasn't. I feel like i am treading on egg shells; if i say or do something she doesn't like she'll get upset. It could be anything like not liking her choice of carpet. She will get upset and start sobbing, then she will start saying things like, 'God has cursed me with this marriage' 'i am being punished' and she'll ignore me for days. I'll try talking to her and she will act as if i am not even there.
I'm spending more and more time at work, trying to pick up extra shifts, partly because i know i cannot upset her if i am not home. But I just don't know what to do.

It sounds like she is deeply unhappy. Do you want to stay married?

Its been like this pretty much since we got married. There was a period when everything was good for about 6 months. Then she would give me the silent treatment and was fine with my parents and then this lasted about a year.
She sometimes seems happy or oK other times deeply unhappy.

You both sound miserable.

Who made the introduction? You sound very ill-matched tbh.

Seems like you should call it a day and divorce her

This is no way to live OP. Your wife is dealing with her emotions in a very unhealthy way for both of you. Could you try some relationship counselling to try to learn to communicate with each other better? The silent treatment is so very cruel in my opinion. But you can’t be letting your DC witness outbursts like that. They’ll grow up insecure and afraid. Growing up in this sort of atmosphere makes for damaged adults. I know this because my childhood was similar

She sounds like a petulant child trying to get her own way.

I couldn't live with that. I would have walked way before now. Where do her family live? How's her relationship with them?

What would happen if you split?

Crikey, it sounds sadly like this is her personality and it would take her wanting to recognise there is an issue before she'd be willing to address it. And to date that's clearly unlikely to happen if she's been this way from the outset.
I'm assuming a divorce may be seen as impossible by the extended family? Why do you feel the need to tip toe around her. She sounds like a few people I've come across over the years and it's not pretty. Does she work or is she a stay at home mother? Does she have any friends or family she sees regularly that you could speak to and discuss your worried and angst or siblings?

Have you already tried a 3rd party route. An arranged marriage is such a huge step and such traditions are extremely hard to extract yourself from. Has divorce been on your mind, I'm assuming you're relatively young late twenties or 30's. This isn't a life that will be good for your or your children.
Is there no one in RL you can reach out to, a person of standing that you trust?
I truly feel for you, she could be undiagnosed bi/polar or another condition.
Dare I ask how your children are doing in all this? Do they see your wife's behaviour? Are they withdrawn as we think they're young and don't understand, but they do, they soak it all up..

While it sounds miserable for you (and for her, come to that), the people I'm most worried about her behaviour impacting upon, is your children. What a horrible atmosphere and environment this must be creating.

Leave her in the best way that protects the children. She will not change.

Has she ever spoken to a GP or anyone? She sounds so unhappy.

This sounds miserable for everyone. I don't think you can fix this.

I have suggested that we go to our GO and speak with her. But she wasnt interested.
Relationship counselling isn't something we looked into but maybe we should. I dont think she will be comfortable discussing things in front of a stranger.

She sounds miserable and like she is unable to deal with that in a healthy way.

Doesn't sound like the relationship has worked out.

I was not all that surprised she will not see the GP.
What do you know about her childhood and family background here?. That often gives clues. This is who she is and she will not change.

Silent treatment is as an example of emotional abuse and I note too she is crying at the drop of a hat, that is very manipulative behaviour.

Joint counselling is never advised where there is abuse of any type within the relationship. If she refuses counselling (and tbh you are not emotionally safe enough to do any sessions with her) go on your own. Get help from male based domestic abuse helplines like Mankind.

Protect your children too from her , they cannot afford to grow up seeing this behaviour from their mum here as at all normal.

This is over really because of the abuse she has and continues to mete out.

She doesnt 'sound miserable' at all, she sounds like an emotionally manipulative, sour faced, crazy assed cuntwamble.

Of course we dont know her side of the story.
But from what you've said, it's not good op, not really sure why you would carry on with this charade of a toxic marriage. It can't be good for the kids.

Whilst reading your post i was thinking - Might be worth reading up on BPD to see if it sounds familiar. Perhaps npd too.

How does she behave towards and around people in the outside world?. Is she quite plausible with others, my guess is that yes she is. It is for you solely and in turn her children that her abuse is directed at. This is all on her and she would have behaved the same way to any future husband.

You’ve said this is an arranged marriage and things have been bad since then, apart from a brief period.

Did she even want to marry you or was she coerced into it? Either way, the marriage clearly isn’t working, everyone sounds miserable and without hope for change.

She is generally fine with out people, she gets on well with almost all people and she is very keep to give a good impression to others. Nice clean house, new car when she passed her test sort of thing

"Arranged Marriage!!!!!!!! I'm not saying either is right or wrong, " good or bad" maybe at the least just sad for both of them.

Thought so. It is for you that her abuse is solely directed. Image to others is all important to abusive people.

You really do need to get both yourself and your children away from her permanently. What do you think your children are learning about relationships here?. A shedload of damaging lessons, that 's what.

You have a choice here re your wife; your children do not.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. What is in this still for you?.

Would you have tolerated any of this from a friend, probably not.

If a friend was telling you all this what would your own advice be here?.

What is she like as a mother?

An arranged marriage that your both deeply unhappy in?

Does she wail or ignore the children if they upset her? It sounds fucking awful tbh. I imagine there are cultural costs to getting divorced but if that’s something you can face I’ve no doubt you’ll be a lot happier.

@AttilaTheMeerkat

I was not all that surprised she will not see the GP. What do you know about her childhood and family background here?. That often gives clues. This is who she is and she will not change.

Silent treatment is as an example of emotional abuse and I note too she is crying at the drop of a hat, that is very manipulative behaviour.

Joint counselling is never advised where there is abuse of any type within the relationship. If she refuses counselling (and tbh you are not emotionally safe enough to do any sessions with her) go on your own. Get help from male based domestic abuse helplines like Mankind.

Protect your children too from her , they cannot afford to grow up seeing this behaviour from their mum here as at all normal.

This is over really because of the abuse she has and continues to mete out.

Perhaps the arranged marriage might be a major part of this?