Dumped by text after 2 years

[Ilovebolly]

Just looking for a bit of a handhold, barely slept the last 2 nights.
Been in a relationship for two years with the absolute love of my life and he said he felt the same way. We didn’t live together as both have kids and wanted to do the best for them. But we were happy! Saw each other when we could, had the same outlook on life, had amazing sex, laughed together all the time. And then suddenly he had a family crisis on Wednesday, went off radar and then texted me on Friday finishing with me. I’m heartbroken, can’t eat or sleep and just trying to keep going for the kids. Just don’t know how I ever going to feel better, this feels like being a teenager again and it’s awful!

So cowardly! He couldn’t even man up and speak to you in person. It’s also really odd that you didn’t mix as a family, which shows he wasn’t as committed to the relationship as you were. Was it just sex? You deserve better and you will see this soon! For now, make sure you keep hydrated and try to keep some food down you.

@PinkPixie7 I agree he is a coward.

Sorry OP. It's going to take a bit of time I'm afraid. I call it the processing and dealing time. I too came out of a 18month relationship which was the first post divorce. I can honesty say that I cried and grieved for that relationship more than my marriage.

So process and deal and there is no time frame for it. You do it as and when and how you need to. It took me a good few months I will be honest, but now I look back it was most definitely the right thing in it ending.

You need to grieve like any loss, as it is one. Just be cautious about staying in contact with him as that is the biggest mindfuck.

Read this OP. Your Tuesday is coming. He's an idiot and will regret this, but things will get better for you in time.
www.chumplady.com/2018/01/tuesday-is-coming/

Im so sorry this has happened to you - you sound absolutely lovely! The only way past it is through it - so deep breath, feel the pain, acknowledge that its over and invest time and love in healing yourself. Big hugs xxxx

The fact he did this by text just shows what a massive c*n¥asaurus rex he is!!!
You deserve better than this- sounds like he did you the biggest of favours.

@WokesFromHome

Also, dumped by text .

What a coward I mean c*nt

Is he 12?

This is such great advice!!!! I t really helps to identify with other women who have gone through heartbreak and realise they are fabuilous, gorgosu & talented...and yet some tool still betrayed them and broke their hearts....so it happens randomly and it really isnt your fault xxx Strength to you!!!

After two years, before Christmas, in the middle of a pandemic? What a massive arse. You deserve more than that.

Paraphrasing something I read in a book once :

One day, all this won't matter, and we will have come to terms with it.
There's an indeterminate amount of time between 'today' and 'one day'.
So can we let 'one day' be today?

The only difference between one day and today is mindset.
You'll be ok.

Thanks so much for today ladies - your words have really helped me get a little bit of perspective. Still feeling hideous but at least I’m a day closer to feeling better! I’ve been busy making plans with lots of friends (socially distanced of course) for the next couple of weeks in the run up to Christmas to keep me occupied. Determined to get over this and find someone who actually values me.

Have you got any anger? That can be helpful too, although sometimes it takes a while to kick in if it's coming. He's treated you very poorly - being very pissed of with him is quite valid as a response!

there probably were lots of red flags that I just chose to ignore as I got swept along by him.

I expect you'll find this is the case. I was dumped by phonecall when I was very much in love with someone and had been with him for a year. The way he dumped me made me re-assess other things he had done and realise that actually, he was a bit of a wanker.

My OH was dumped in very similar circumstances to you by the gf before me. He has DC and so did she. He thought they were in love, but like you the DC had only met on limited occasions and didn't really like each other. Anyway, we started going out a few months after that happened, and one of the things we initially bonded over was being dumped by phonecall, by someone you thought you were in love with.

We're very happy together now. So enjoy being single and maybe someone right for you will come along. And in the meantime, you'll be having fun being single.

As somebody said you want someone who is,all in. Also, how cruel dumping you by text. I know it’s painful but it will get better I promise xx

Hope you are doing OK OP

Oh OP, it’s so horrible! When my last ex dumped me I found the pain almost unendurable for the first day or two - I can remember literally, at the age of 42, getting into bed with my mom in the night and crying to he about how I loved him so much.....

But it DOES pass. For me, even after just a few days I started to find my anger, and remember all the shit things about ex. And now I am with someone lovely who treats me with way more respect (and is much younger, handsomer and better in bed!). Just got to put one foot in front of the other and lean on anyone you have in your corner until the storm subsides. Time IS a great healer, but sadly not much of an anaesthetist......

OP, I could have written this myself. This happened to me last night. I’m absolutely gutted. Hand hold right here x

Is it the first break up after the divorce/split? If so I remember this well. I was dumped by text too after 2 years while I was sat in a hospital waiting room waiting for a test!

The relationship after my split with kids dad was so intense and all consuming. After years of a horrible marriage with no love I found what I thought was Perfection. Looking back I think it was because both of us were in the post divorce/split bubble and we’re both ready for love and lust after years of neglect. It’s a very intense time. I have never felt feelings as strong for anyone before or after. Maybe there is a name for it. The first relationship after splitting. It was a crazy time emotionally and when dumped I was in a dark place for months as I was so upset. It’s tough

I expect you'll find this is the case. I was dumped by phonecall when I was very much in love with someone and had been with him for a year. The way he dumped me made me re-assess other things he had done and realise that actually, he was a bit of a wanker.

Same here. I was dumped at the start of lockdown, 3 days before my birthday, in a short phone call. He had met someone else and "thought it better not to meet up". I've never seen or heard from him since. So at first of course it didn't seem real and I began to idealise him in my head. It was only when I plucked up courage to send him a text asking how he was doing and his reply was full of wankshit that I began to see him for the tosser he actually always has been.

Its how you overlook all their faults because you are in love. In reality, he is a short, balding middle aged man with no money who cheats. He was also somehow sort of angry all the time, in a passive way, and he used to wheel me out everywhere to show me off but when there wasn't anything in it for him (ie sex or showing me off) he wasn't that interested in meeting up.

He's keeping my replacement secret too, I suppose in case someone "better" comes along.

Hi OP,
How are u feeling today? I was thinking about u yesterday and hoping you would get a decent nights sleep and a chance to clear your head a wee bit.
Lots of hugs

Thanks for all the comments today and wise words. It’s been a very busy day today so I’ve not had too much time to think. Didn’t really sleep last night but I am starting to feel the anger. The more I think about it, the more I realise he just strung me along and told me what I wanted to hear all that time rather than showing me real love
Yes it was the first relationship post divorce and it was very intense. But I’m starting to see now that it wasn’t real and those feelings I had couldn’t be sustained, especially with someone who wasn’t fully committed.
Thanks again ladies, hoping for a better sleep tonight.