Escorts ... could you forgive ?

[Lora88]

If your partner had sent some messages to escorts when having consumed alcohol but you was 100% he’d not met them and you new yourself you’d not been great with giving affection and infrequent sex would you get past it and forgive ?

No. I'd expect an adult conversation about our issues.

No, because I see prostitution as fundamentally exploitative and the men who use prostitutes as woman-hating scum. I could not get past the fact that I'd just discovered my partner was woman-hating scum.

If it was whilst in a relationship with me then no I wouldn’t forgive and forget - he wasn’t getting as much affection or sex as he wanted with you and his solution was to seek out sex with another woman, that should tell you everything you need to know.

Sorry because I know that’s not very nice to hear, but you are worth a lot more than being treated like that.

No, because I see prostitution as fundamentally exploitative and the men who use prostitutes as woman-hating scum. I could not get past the fact that I'd just discovered my partner was woman-hating scum.

This.

No, not under any circumstances.

Not even a small chance. Because it highlights what his view of women really was.

Firstly, no chance nothing has happened. They only admit to what you can prove.

Secondly I couldn’t be with someone who sees women as sub human products to wank into. Bleurgh.

No f*cking way. PP’s comment above on woman-hating scum is spot on. And don’t let him play the ‘poor me’ card. An adult who respects you and values your relationship would communicate with you about any issues regarding sex and affection between the two of you.

I'm in the No camp too... As soon as your partner does anything like this and to be honest even texting another girl in a sexual manner the respect would be gone for me and so would he! Xx

OP it sounds like you're blaming yourself a little here saying you've given him infrequent sex. Please don't do that, there's no excuse for him contacting escorts. My fear would be that I would forever be looking for signs as you know that thought in his head, you won't feel secure it will drive you mad.

No, because I see prostitution as fundamentally exploitative and the men who use prostitutes as woman-hating scum. I could not get past the fact that I'd just discovered my partner was woman-hating scum.

also this

No. Why does him being drunk matter to you? Do you think that means he doesnt know what he was doing? Because it doesn't. All it means is the alcohol gave him the confidence to go through with what he wanted sober.

Well if it was just messaging and you were -00 percent nothing happened I wouldn't leave him. But don't be suprised if something happens in the future

@DianeChambers

No. Why does him being drunk matter to you? Do you think that means he doesnt know what he was doing? Because it doesn't. All it means is the alcohol gave him the confidence to go through with what he wanted sober.

Totally agree

No. Not any more.

I did forgive previously. He claimed he just messaged cos curious and never acted on it. That turned out to be a huge lie. He was a regular user and when I met an ex of his she'd had the same experience. Yuck.

Not really sure why your lack of sleeping with him is at all relevant. If I'm not happy with my sex life, I have an adult discussion about it with my partner. I dont contact sex workers for dirty talk. I would expect the same from my partner.

Seriously op, put him in the bin where he belongs.

Why would you want to get past that kind of behaviour.. It speaks volumes about your partners thoughts on women

No

How could you know he hadn't gone through with it?

I left my husband for sleeping with prostitutes. He was taking time out of his work day to visit them, I thought he was just at work.

The infequent sex and no affection is an issue, but one should not lead to another behaviour. It may lead to seeking affection elsewhere, and sex could be a consequence of that. But, it takes s man of a particular mindset to think of an escort as first option. Might help to look at your other problems, but doesn't really excuse the behaviour - on that it would help to know why he didn't go through with it and how strong the intent was

How long had you not slept together?

No

No because I wouldn't trust him moving forward. It would always be in my mind that he gets a kick out of the idea of being with a prostitute.
That would most likely escalate as life goes on in to actually using prostitutes.
It's not something I am ok with. At all.

Nope.

He's done a right number on you hasn't he OP?

How are you sure he hadn't met them and what does alcohol have to do with anything?