Online dating red flags?

[Peanutbutterjelly10]

Been speaking to a guy who I met through an online dating app. Seemed OK, handsome, good job, sense of humour. He has now asked me on a date and I don't know if I should go because of these reasons. Please tell me if these are stupid reasons or not.
First one was we were discussing me profession and mentioned doing some kind of test he replied about it being a certain type of test and I joked saying why do you want to be apart of it. He replied well if you are doing the test in my private parts then yea.... I did feel uncomfortable that he said that but I ignored it and we just carried on chatting.
Last night we were chatting and he forwarded me a picture that his friend had sent him. It was a screenshot of a fb post, you know those ones that make a joke. The pic was of a woman standing on scales saying how well she had done to lose weight. But the reflection in the scales showed she was naked and you could see everything!
He said look closely at the pic. I mean I did find it funny as it was a bad error on the woman but I also felt uncomfortable because we have been speaking less than a week and he sends me this random thing,which I don't really feel is appropriate.
Lastly one of his messages last night said he once threw a printer out of a window, I asked why and he said it was half a joke and half frustration because it wouldn't work.
Tell me I'm not over reacting, my DM and Dsis think I am and think I should give him a chance on this date?

He sounds ghastly!

I've been where you are (close friends rather than DM and DSis egging me on when I was saying "no, no, this one's not for me"). It's really annoying. Specially since the red flags were huge ones, like Red Square on May Day huge ones. But people seem so wrapped up in "must fix up my single friend/relly" that they start to behave as though anyone with a pulse will do. Stand your ground!

This man has more red flags about him than are present at a Communist Party Committee Meeting in China!. If a friend was telling you this what would your response and or counsel be here?. Why have you been ignoring your own very real and understandable discomfort here?.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?
Your own boundaries need revising upwards and urgently; how is it you have apparantly still not blocked him?. If you listen to your mother and sister here at all you would be indeed foolish to follow their advice and give him a chance. Why are their relationship bars so bloody low (as well as your own); is this really how they expect men to behave and for you to put up and shut up because you are a woman?.

The fact is, your gut doesn't like him. You don't even need a reason other than that.

But that first comment about his private parts would have sent me running. It's just not a joke you make with someone unless you are already intimate with them. It implies he is only looking for sex.

I don’t think the things you have listed are OBJECTIVE red flags, but they may be red flags for you, if that makes sense? My boyfriend and I had a fair degree of innuendo/sexual jokes in our chat before we even met, from what I recall. But I was perfectly happy with it and indeed, probably initiated quite a lot of it. You don’t feel comfortable with it, and that is entirely your prerogative. But it probably means you and he have very different boundaries, different senses of humour etc.....

You could go on the date and see how you find him in person, I suppose. Or just cancel - if you don’t feel comfortable it’s not going to be much fun......

I would have stopped speaking to him as soon as he mentioned his "private parts". He sounds disgusting.

He sounds like a prick.

Ok. He made you feel uncomfortable twice in a week.

Imagine being on your own in a room/on your wedding day/raising your children with a man who makes you feel uncomfortable/unsafe and is sexually inappropriate. Is that what you want?

He's sending those comments to all the women he chats with. He'll not be bothered about thebones who ig or him as a result. He'll be happy whittling away until he finds the one with no boundaries.

Dont let it be you.

Your senses are tingling so listen to them. I ignored mine a few times and the men were total players or just bad news. I've had sexual innuendo with some which felt right and others which just repelled me. Its hard to explain but at the talking stage its good to learn to recognise if you get the ick feeling. Its rarely wrong!

Anyone who throws a printer out of a window primarily because it does not work also needs a wide berth.

Red flags everywhere.

What's also concerning to me is that you are unsure enough to post here, when it's glaringly obvious he's not a good'un. I wonder what your parents' relationship was like, and your experience as a child in the family home, when you were growing up. I would definitely be working on yourself a bit more before you dip your toe into OLD.

Well, that’s me out-voted then!

I honestly don’t think what this man has said it that terrible (and I am not saying OP should date him, because he clearly isn’t her type). But that doesn’t mean he is some undateable monster....

Some adults don’t mind talking about sex. Even with people they haven’t met yet. It’s not a disgusting perversion, if it’s consensual....

By the standards expressed by some on here, my boyfriend is one massive walking red flag, and rather than going for a drink with him all those months ago, I should have taken out a restraining order (while working on my own hideously low boundaries, obviously).

And yet, funnily enough, he is the nicest man I have ever dated, and treats me with way more kindness and respect than any of my exes.... Obviously he may be secretly evil in some way indiscernible by any of the human senses.....

I repeat, I do not think OP should date this man. They sound incompatible. I just don’t think mentioning sex to someone you haven’t met yet but presumably fancy is the crime of the century. If so, I stand convicted.... And it’s a good job my fella and I met each other, so we can’t damage any normal, upstanding, non-red-flag humans......

We’re all different, aren’t we? Live and let live?

tinyvulture

This thread is not a commentary on your boyfriend or your choices. Why make it about you?

tinyvulture

Nobody had even used the words "evil" or "monster" until you popped up projecting, exaggerating and being defensive.

attila yes I am a regular on the stately homes thread.
I've been having counselling for a while about my childhood and working on my boundaries. Trust me this is good for me to even question these things. Before I would have ignored at all costs and just jumped into this date. So I think I'm going to go with my gut and not go

Clearly a weirdo!

If someone makes you feel uncomfortable then THAT IS HOW YOU FEEL and there is no right or wrong way about feelings. Honour your feelings! Bin him!

If you’re on be stately homes thread I suggest you shouldn’t never listening to your DM’s opinion?

But yes, this guy makes you feel uncomfortable, you’re not compatible, bin.

Good on you Peanut. Keep working on those boundaries.

Your comments to each other which you mainly instigated to him were consensual tinyvulture, what is being described here by the op clearly is not like that at all. It makes the OP feel uncomfortable. And what sort of person thinks it appropriate to describe throwing a printer through a window, I note you have not commented on that.

Listen to your own discomfort. Temper and feeling he's pushing sexually already are bad signs, so straight to bin.

And as per pp, if you're on stately homes because of a dysfunctional family background, your family's opinions are unlikely to be worth listening to.

I would trust your gut. If you're still attracted to him go on a casual date.

Regarding red flags in general I would say online dating is one giant red flag buy I'm just bitter.

Def do not date him

I’d’ve been out at ‘private parts’!

@Peanutbutterjelly10

attila yes I am a regular on the stately homes thread. I've been having counselling for a while about my childhood and working on my boundaries. Trust me this is good for me to even question these things. Before I would have ignored at all costs and just jumped into this date. So I think I'm going to go with my gut and not go

That explains it, Peanut. Attila makes very good sense as usual.

From one who grew up in a dysfunctional family to another, I know how bloody unfair it can seem when other people are able to choose healthy relationships, and yet you are left with a litany of crappy experiences. It is not your fault. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. But you are the one person who can do something about it, and that takes time and patience.

The good news: if you are able to actively work through your childhood and your family relationships, things can and do change. They may operate on their own schedule, but they do change.

Ugh I dated someone like this. The sexual innuendos started before we met and he became a sex pest as time went on. Huge turn off.

Run!