Relationships for introverts and those who like their own company best!

[SwearsbyDriveby]

I am wondering whether I might resign myself to the fact I'm unable to live with somebody else partner wise. I have had a couple of short spells of living with someone in my younger years and craved to be alone. I'm happy in my life, all sorted career, kids, home etc. I'm seeing somebody who is very pleasant, kind, also sorted in life. But I just cannot imagine ever wanting to live with him (or anyone). Lockdown is good to keep people out my house. Am I alone in feeling this way? I wish I didn't feel it but more than anything else I love to be home alone.

Similar. New partner keeps joking about moving in with me and it makes me want to run away screaming in terror. He's great and maybe a few years in I will feel differently but tbh I love living alone. I can tolerate the odd short term female lodger if she is decent but only because I know its short term. I love people but I need more alone time than most so I really dont know if i could live with a partner. I'm pretty sure I wouldnt want to share a bedroom that's for sure.

I feel the same. I live with my two teenage children at the moment. Even with them around I crave alone time. I am so happy I don't live with their dad anymore and can't imagine wanting to live with another adult again. Lived with my ex partner for 15 years and feel i lost my identity in the process. I am an only child and an introvert. I don't know if that is why.

I'm the same.

Same
I’ve been single a year and have NO desire for a partner whatsoever
I spent from the age of 14 to 46 stressing about men in some guise
I want close friends , my kids and that’s all

The very idea of having to accommodate to some one , meet their friends and family , eat food we both like , and talk ! I’m too tired to even read these days

Nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. PErson I'm seeing talks about sleeping in same bed as the best thing about relationship and what he misses most..... I'm like, thats the worst. LEt me sleep on my own eek!

You might be suited to LAT relationship. More common than you might think
Google it x

Oh yeah sod that for a game of soldiers.
I sleep diagonally.

I think I’m the same...

See this is what I’m worried about as my DP is so excited about living together...I feel insane if don’t get regular alone time. Having said that he does respect this and we do sleep in separate bedrooms/beds depending on space which works for us. We lived together in lockdown and it wasn’t great so not sure what to do in our future...hopefully someone will comment on how they figured it out

I think having a partner who is an introvert helps, lots of quiet time with no speaking! We sleep in the same bed but have a super king so there is lots of room.

My husband was an introvert. Worked well. We were very happy. Sometimes we'd spend a whole evening together without talking, just reading or something, in a companionable silence.

I feel the same except I'm in my 20s, no kids or long term relationships yet. I dont know if I ever want any of those things because I love being on my own. The thought of living with someone makes me feel suffocated. I'd need a big house with separate bedrooms and living spaces. I predict I may end up being alone for most of my life as most men it seems want a conventional relationship.

Yes, companionable silence here too. I was more flexible when i was younger, but at this point (nearing 50) I couldn't stand to live with someone who wasn't a fellow introvert. We're lucky to have a big house, too.

I can be quite introverted at times and love my own space. I’d been single a long time before I met DH and enjoyed living alone. He’d also lived alone a long time before we met, in fact had never lived with a partner.

Moving in together was not a honeymoon period for us and I think the first year we lived together was a shit time in our relationship and we really struggled with it.

It got easier. We generally just leave each other be and are quite happy getting on with our own things. We don’t always share a bed even, sometimes we do and sometimes we start the night in bed together then he’ll disappear to the spare room. Actually I say spare room but it’s more his room/ office/ space for his stuff and everything in ‘our’ bedroom is really mine so that works quite well to feel like we still have our own space within the house. There’s a dog to be walked so that’s quite handy for getting one or the other of us out of the way. DH takes himself off for bike rides and pre lockdown would play sport 3 nights a week so that gave me the house to myself. Plus every few weeks he’d have a night away for work. But generally I like being with him and don’t

Got to say that lockdown has been tough - me on furlough then mat leave and him working from home I actually cried the other day thinking I didn’t know when I’d ever get the house to myself again. I mean I’ve gone abs had a baby now so probably not for 18 years, but right now she’s asleep most of the time so I can handle it 😂

It helps that we’re the same level of messy too - both reasonably clean but not obsessive so we’re not getting wound up by the other’s mess (although his insistence on putting the recycling in the general vicinity of but never actually IN the appropriate bin does make me want to throw things).

Also just to say my best friend (who is the very opposite of an introvert and loves nothing more than to be amongst people but who nevertheless likes her own house to herself) has a wonderful partner who is gorgeous and kind and treats her like a queen and yet she has no intention of ever moving in with him. She says she likes the romance and specialness when they do see each other and doesn’t feel the need to change things. Seems to work for them.

We have separate bedrooms and plenty of space, but I just prefer being on my own , I know lockdown doesn't help but evenings just drag if we try to be together, we rarely find anything we both want to watch together on tv, can hardly even sit in the same room reading as we both like different lighting arrangements . Married over 30 years, DH used to work away a lot which did make things somewhat easier.
My DPs have been married over 60 years and my DM finds the constant "togetherness" totally draining.

I agree. I have lived with two men long term (a boyfriend then a husband) and never again. I love my own space and the security of the house being mine alone.

You can have a relationship if you want one OP, without moving in together. It's not a requirement!

Honestly though, if you are with the right person, you can be perfectly happy and live with them.

I like my own company too, and DP understands this completely. We live together, he works in the day (I WFH) and then in the evening he'll come home, we'll have dinner together, and then he'll go on the computer for a few hours and I'll either have a bath, read, watch some tele, phone a family member for a chat, whatever. Then about 10pm he'll come back downstairs and we'll have a brew and a snack, talk for a bit, and then go to bed together.

At the weekends (or if we have a day off together) we'll usually spend the days together and maybe grab a takeaway and watch a film, but we both get 'me time' every day, and I love it.

When it's not lockdown, we also have separate hobbies two nights a week (luckily the same nights) and go to see our friends.

We are both very happy with our routine! I couldn't be in a relationship where you literally just sit in front of the TV all night every night, next to each other every second. Couldn't do that!

@SwearsbyDriveby

Nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. PErson I'm seeing talks about sleeping in same bed as the best thing about relationship and what he misses most..... I'm like, thats the worst. LEt me sleep on my own eek!

My partner has joked about knowing we'd need separate rooms if we lived together. I spent o weeks on my own over the first lockdown and honestly I loved every minute... nobody understands and people always say they felt sorry for me being alone. I'm like take me back!

*9 weeks on my own

Yes! I feel exactly the same and it's so nice to her of others who aren't desperate to move in with a man after 5 minutes of knowing them!

I was married for 13 years, together with him for nearer to 20 and although it was a shock to the system when he left, I haven't missed the physical presence of a man in the house.

My kids are young teens so I am rarely 'alone' but on the odd occasion when I am, if they are at their dad's and I am home alone, I love it!

I have a bf I have been with for 15 months and although we see each other EOW and a night in the week, I have no desire to move in with him. I like keeping my family time and relationship separate in the most part (they do occasionally cross over and that's fine).

I like being the only adult in our home and the kids feeling comfortable here, I like feeling like a grown up when I go to my bf's and leaving my mum hat at home for a couple of days.

Maybe this will change over time but I really don't think so. He is also quite happy in his own space, which is fortunate!

I guess what I'm looking for at this stage in my life is different to what I was looking for 20 years ago.

Saying that, I have a friend who has been with her partner around 7 years. No kids on either side, both mid 40's-50 and they live 45 mins away from each other and have done since they met.

They both have things going on where they live (jobs/homes) and are happy with seeing each other every weekend and a night in the week. Other people comment that they aren't committed to each other because they don't live together but I disagree. I think it's easier to walk away when you don't live together so to choose to continue shows a great level of commitment.

My DM lives alone, her partner of ten years also lives alone nearby. Five minute drive I think. I think he has hinted at moving into her's before but she thinks they get on better living separately. He likes to watch a lot of rugby, football and golf and also plays golf. She does like her own company and in the summer will be in the garden all day

However, her DP has moved in for this four week lockdown to form a bubble. I should ask how it's going but will wait a bit longer. I can't see him moving in f/t though. I would do what works best for you

I forgot to add, my bf moved in with me over the first lockdown (quite accidental really as he was here when it was announced) and it was fine, we all got on well but I wasn't sad when he went back to his own place after 3 months! People kept saying "Oh, I bet you miss him now he's gone" and I was like "erm, no! I've lived on my own for 3 years so why would I miss him after 3 months"?!

I craved my own space and really missed it is the truth.