Relationships for introverts and those who like their own company best!

[SwearsbyDriveby]

I am wondering whether I might resign myself to the fact I'm unable to live with somebody else partner wise. I have had a couple of short spells of living with someone in my younger years and craved to be alone. I'm happy in my life, all sorted career, kids, home etc. I'm seeing somebody who is very pleasant, kind, also sorted in life. But I just cannot imagine ever wanting to live with him (or anyone). Lockdown is good to keep people out my house. Am I alone in feeling this way? I wish I didn't feel it but more than anything else I love to be home alone.

As pp have said, living together in a relationship is not compulsory, you just have to find a partner that feels the same as you. One of the happiest couples I know have been together several years and last year took a big step in their relationship when he moved into a house in the same street as her.

Moving into a house in the same street :) that would be enough for me! I've told him I need more alone time (I work all the hours my kids at school and with their Dad so not much free time) can't see it lasting with him as I know he wants/needs more.

I've found my people 😆

Have spent the last 35yrs with some combination of exh and dc. The now adult dc have come and gone to uni, working away, etc but rarely have they all been gone at the same time apart from one blissful period of about 6 months. But NOW I'm moving into my own little house and they are moving into theirs.

I can't wait. I want to lock the door and potter around, know that the kitchen will remain in the state I leave it, know exactly how much milk is left in the fridge, not have a load of crap eating up space on the sky box! I can't wait. The thought of ever living with anyone again horrifies me.

I think it depends on the level of introversion. I am an introvert and have struggled in the past with an extrovert best friend when we used to go away away together. As much as I love her there were times when I prayed for her to stop talking as she wore me out. My ex husband never wanted to be at home or around me because of his issues with intimacy and as a result the marriage was very lonely for me.

But my partner moved in this year and although I did have concerns about 'space' and 'alone time ' I couldn't be happier. Have never spent so much time with one person but I don't feel invaded at all. He's happy for me to disappear to the bath to recharge when I need to. Probably because he's more on the introverted side too.

I lived with a total extrovert in the past and it was very uncomfortable especially as he had no concept of my needs so I suppose it depends on the person and their empathy towards you whether it would work.

What seems to be working for me at the moment is having met someone as completely introverted as I am. We literally spend huge swathes of our time together NOT FUCKING TALKING (in a nice way, like!) and I LOVE it. We might watch TV together, listen to the radio, read, whatever. A lot of the time he is on the internet and I am just cooking, or listening to music, or staring into space! More or less exactly as I am when he isn’t here! (Technically he has moved in, but he travels for his work loads so is barely ever here - another thing I like!) I do realise that what I have described would sound like most people’s idea of relationship Hell! I find it blissful.

I realised I had met my match on our third date, when he took me on a road trip. He was driving, I was happily staring out at the countryside. I think the cricket was on the radio (we both like it). It suddenly dawned on me that neither of us had spoken for probably one and a half hours.... I said, sorry, I am quite quiet, man, is this ok with you? He said, babe, this is THE BEST. I HATE talking for the sake of it..... And at that moment, I knew I had finally found my tribe.....

The ways in which we AREN’T classic introverts, is that we both love a lot of physical affection. So touch almost constantly, love holding each other in bed, etc. It’s the fucking endless TALKING we can’t stand.

(And obviously, there are times we talk 19 to the dozen. We have loads of stuff to say to each other, and he is funny and clever and fascinating when we DO talk. We just only choose to do it when we both want to......)

And when he is working we text incessantly (obviously we NEVER speak on the phone. That would be weird! 🤣) But the endless texting might mean we aren’t classic introverts? Maybe some strange sub-species?

Anyway, the point of ALL that, was to say, pick the right fella and I think it is possible to be alone AND together. (Sorry, that sounds so trite it should be on a fridge magnet).