Any success stories of getting back with an ex for a third time?

[Ephemeralbliss]

Does anyone have any sucess stories of getting back with an ex after multiple break ups? My ex left me twice over a 3 year period and has now returned for the third time. We weren't apart for long (only a few months) but in that time he had a full blown relationship with another woman. I love him dearly and am trying to make things work between us, but stuggling to close the door on the past. I find myself replaying everything in my head and in particular am finding the fact he so quickly moved on and slept with someone else hard to accept. Does anyone have any advice on how to put what's happened to bed and move on with him?

It must be a hard situation OP, but it sort of reminds me of the Jeremy Kyle show where someone wants a lie detector to prove their partner hasn't cheated for a seventh time. You know this persons MO, why take a gamble on their character when they've already shown you they're not worth the risk?

The definition of madness is doing the same thing over & over & expecting a different result!!

Not healthy. Respect yourself.
Like they say fool me one shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. Fool me thrice.....? It's taking self respect right down to the ground and wiping crap on it.

Blimey! A glutton for punishment or what?!
You may love him but he certainly doesn't love u! He's like a bad penny he keeps turning up! Have some courage and ditch him right sharpish. Geez!

Going back once can be worth a shot. I did it myself, we've been married 24 years now. But not twice, how could you ever trust him again?

Please don't do it. It won't end well and you'll waste more of your life.

Take back your self respect, say no and stop all contact with him.

Thank you all for the advice. I needed to hear it. Deep down I know you're all right, but what's difficult is, he's behaving totally differently this time round which is making me think perhaps he really has changed and is willing to put the effort in to make it work. I can't get the doubts out of my mind though. He treated me incredibly badly twice, there's every chance he'll do it again.

They rarely change I'm afraid OP, just remember why he is your ex

Omg why are you even bothering. No-one makes it work after so many breakups I'm sorry but you need to move on. He's clearly just waiting for someone else to leave. He sounds like a dick, you don't need to be treated like this x

Unfortunately you're setting the stage for being treated like crap.

If you let someone pick you up and drop you like this, it's like saying "whatever you do, I'll put up with it". And that doesn't bring respect and love, it brings complacency and underneath it all a bit of contempt.

He doesn't love anyone, this type of man loves"supply". You give him things he wants: attention, sex, making him feel good. That's what he wants from you. Your boundaries are supposed to protect you from this shallow behaviour, but quite often our boundaries are ground down by men like this. The only way is to go no contact and really work on yourself. It will hurt but it's necessary for a chance of a happy relationship where you are loved and not just supply. Look the term up if you've not heard of it

Do you have children with him? If not, do you want children with a man who treats you like shit?

Go through this and start building your boundaries and self esteem. You are worth 500% more than that loser, don't throw yourself away on a useless waste of space.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

@Ephemeralbliss

Thank you all for the advice. I needed to hear it. Deep down I know you're all right, but what's difficult is, he's behaving totally differently this time round which is making me think perhaps he really has changed and is willing to put the effort in to make it work. I can't get the doubts out of my mind though. He treated me incredibly badly twice, there's every chance he'll do it again.

Ok, how is he behaving now as opposed to last time? Does he know its his last chance maybe?

What if he does it again? I assume he is a good looking charmer to get all these women, or how do you fall for him again?

Are your friends already shaking their heads again?

“ I can't get the doubts out of my mind though. He treated me incredibly badly twice, there's every chance he'll do it again”

You shouldn’t be having to turn yourself in knots to make the relationship feel OK.

He is fickle to the core, not just with you but everyone. He is in a relationship with you, had a ‘full blown relationship’ with another woman, within a few months leaves her and is back.... he has no understanding of or regard for what a relationship is. He just wants to ‘be with’ someone.

He has treated you incredibly badly. More than once. Twice is enough.

You are not happy NOW, and you can’t live like this. It will gnaw and gnaw at you. And undermine your sense of who you are.

He is using you. If you love him so much that you are ok with that, crack on. I imagine once he finds someone new to shag he'll be off, but he already knows you will have him back, so that's fine.

No it doesn't work! I left mine 3 times. The third time it was for good. It doesn't work. Yours seems like he wants his cake and will eat it anytime, especially if you take him back each time.
Cut yourself some slack, you'll learn to live without him. You'll be better off on your own.
I'm pretty sure you're an amazing person. Good luck lovely 😊

I split with my ex at least twice before we finally got divorced. Obviously it didn't work out since we got divorced!
You get no judgement from me, sometimes it takes a few goes to end a relationship but hopefully each time it happens you get closer to accepting that it's over.

Im going to be honest as I have been in a similar relationship years ago. If you are still feeling this way then you have to be with him. You have to exhaust the relationship until hes out of your system. I would have a list of things you would like to get out of the relationship, communicate them to him and im pretty sure he may only stick to it for 3 months.
When you next break up you may not know what you want but hopefully you will be strong enough to know what you dont want having given it one final shot. Then you can find a nice man who truly deserves you. If you are still feeling this way towards your ex you wouldn't appreciate a nice man if u met him now so all in good time.

First answer: don't.
Longer answer: I have. When we met we were young, "right person, wrong time" it fizzled after a few months. 3 or 4 years later we reconnected but I was in a bad place emotionally and just come out of a difficult relationship, I was not in the place to start something. 18 months later, we started from scratch. Nearly 10 years from the date we first met we got married.

And we are happily married!

Don't allow yourself to be treated like this. I hope you don't have any children.

PurBal that sounds like the first two breakups with your now DH were mutual, or as a result of circumstances. Not your now DH having a full-blown relationship with someone else ending your relationship? I think that changed the result somewhat.

My parents were like you, they got together at 16, then spent about 8 years splitting up and getting back together for reasons of distance/maturity/not wanting to settle down yet. Then when they finally did get together it was as if they started from scratch. But neither of them had any proper relationships with anyone else in their in between times. I suppose you could look at it as dating casually for years before settling down.

OP only you know if he's sincere in changing his behaviour, but given his relationship with someone else and only coming back to you when that didn't work out I'd say the chances are vanishingly small that he has really changed. Sorry

I'll go against the grain here, my partner and I have had 2 proper splits, one instigated by him and one by me. The first one there was an OW involved which came to light later. Around that time it was basically like he'd had a personality transplant. He'd suffered some massive trauma previously (life limiting illness diagnosis, suffered the loss of his child) and dealt with that by going on a path of self destruction of which this was part.

Anyway we eventually got back together, but there was still quite a lot of resentment from me about how he'd lied and deceived me. We lasted 6 months and then I ended it.

We split up for 6 months properly, no contact (the previous time we only stopped speaking for a few weeks) and then began talking and decided to try again. It's now been almost 6 months and so far so good. We have been brutally honest with each other, we know this might not work out but we are both committed to trying. Things feel very different than they did previously and I hope that lasts.

When one boyfriend dumped me various people thought it was comforting to say 'oh but have you really split up? You might get back together'. My response was always 'he can dump me once, he can do it again'.

He's had a second chance, don't give him a third.

Block and delete him on your phone and social media and move on.