Not sure what to think. Please help!

[Foxyloxxy7]

First time I’ve made a thread.

I was at work and a colleague I didn’t know very well came over and showed me my partner on a dating app. I’d been talking to this colleague the day before and showed them pictures of my dog that happened to have me and my partner in. This is how she recognised my partner - same photos but with me cropped out.

The profile had all the correct details name, age, height etc. And was looking ‘for something casual’. All the photos had me in and I’d been cropped out. The last location was 45km and my partner had been working away a few nights before in an area about 40km away.

I asked my partner about the profile. They said they didn’t know anything about it. They looked up the profile and said it made them sick. They told me they’d made enquires to see if anybody they knew had any idea but said nobody did. They said that the photos were all used on social media as profile images and somebody must have used these to catfish and make a profile.

I believed them and dropped it. But I can’t help this niggling feeling that my partner wasn’t telling the truth. I think because all of the details were correct, would a catfish go so far as correct age and height etc. On the other hand before this happened I had complete trust in my partner and thought they would never do something like this. Why would you crop your partner (but not dog) out of an image to use on a dating website? Why not just take new ones or use solo ones?

Am I over thinking this? Should I just let it go?

I think you need to consider the fact that it's him. The app will inly pick up the location if it's been opened up. This means that it's probably his and he has used it recently

Sorry, just to add that it's odd that it was deleted. Only the person who created this can delete it so I think it's your partner

It's really unlikely that someone stole the photos, cropped them, and knew alll her details to put them in.

I would bin her.

@Cotswolds10 the WhatsApp photos were changed in quick succession as DP had a lot of inappropriate comments from male co-workers about me and her and how we look. Mainly along the lines that she has a ‘hot’ gf and they’d like a threesome or ‘to show me (as her GF) a proper time in bed and turn me straight’. She changed the photo to one where neither of us look particularly great as were just walking the dog in the rain. I know this story is true as I was independently contacted about it by a female co-worker of DP who texted me to see if we were okay after the comments. Unless it’s a much more elaborate set up that’s involved this co-worker who I would consider my friend so unlikely!

The profile was supposedly taken down after she reported it. And off her own back without me asking she’s just sent me screen shots of emails the app coordinators have sent saying the profile is now deleted and the original email she sent. These all correspond to the date and time she said she sent them and the time the profile disappeared.

Also just to be clear DP was working several hundred miles away at the time I saw the profile but had recently been working approx 45Km away which corresponds with the distance on the app. This ties in with the co-worker story more as I think the suspected co-worker is still working on that site (or so DP claims).

I think bottom line I don’t really fully believe her so we need to talk about that. I’m more upset about the lies and deceit aspect than the actually creating a profile aspect. Either way we need to have a sit down and long chat and get all the cards on the table.

Thanks so much for all your helpful replies! You’re really helped me think this through at a time when I felt very much alone!

OP I am sorry but she is lying to you. Her story is rehearsed and she has thought about it for if you ever found out. I think you know this deep down.

Thought I’d update everybody with what happened after.

DP took some unpaid leave and drive back to surprise me. We had a good chat about everything and she voluntarily showed me her phone which had no trace of the app, any emails or anything on the battery like PP had suggested.

The next day as DP was getting ready to go back to work the profile reappeared on the app. We both sat down with a fake profile and made contact. The person with the profile started speaking to us while I was sat next to my DP so definitely isn’t her. We still don’t know who it is (but as I said we have our suspicions). All very strange and creepy indeed but I’m glad it’s not DP!

So glad it wasn't her, what a relief. Awful and stressful thing to have to go through though, some really sad people out there !

I’m sorry but I think you are in a bit of denial. You partner is looking for casual sex online you need to get rid of him and get a sti check aswell. The proof is staring you in the face Sorry op

@Skyla2005 thanks for your input. Just to say my partner isn’t a man. I’m interested in the proof that you allude to? I was quite happy that my partners phone and emails etc. Which she showed me were free of anything untoward. And in addition she was sat right next to me while we were talking to the person with the profile. It was this last bit that was quite convincing as I’m not sure how she could have been sat next to me and replying on the profile without me noticing?

Am I genuinely missing something?

I’m going to sound very cynical here. But is there any way she could have asked someone to cover for her. By telling them she was coming home and asking them to start activating the profile while she was home to ‘prove’ her innocence? That said, I’m not making any judgement on whether I think that’s the case. I obviously don’t know either of you and I desperately hope that’s not the case. Just pointing out a possible alternative?

Her work colleagues sound awful. My husband is in construction and I’d be revolted if his colleagues were messaging this kind of stuff to people. Definitely could be some prank with people like that around.

The next day as DP was getting ready to go back to work the profile reappeared on the app. We both sat down with a fake profile and made contact

How incredibly convenient that the profile was reactivated right when your dp surprised you with a visit. My ex cheated and the length he went to to hide, obscure and gaslight was incredible. He could tell anyone that water was not wet and be 100% convincing. I wasted years of my life in hurt and confusion, be wary OP and protect yourself.

@Dontbeme hmmm, yes, this is what I was getting at too. It does seem a coincidence. I really hope it’s not the case but, if it were me, I’m not sure I’d be totally convinced just yet.

Thanks for all your replies. @Cotswolds10 I do think this is something that could happen but I don’t think this is the case here.

She came back just after my last post a couple of weeks ago so was very close to the event. The distance on the profile remained what it had been originally despite my DP work several hundreds of miles away then being at home with me and definitely not on her phone.

Therefore, I’m going to Occam’s razor it and say that it is likely the man we thought it was. This man has been rude and damn right disgusting about our relationship multiple times in public so I don’t think this is out of place.

I mean there’s never enough proof really in life you just have to decide if you trust your partner. Other than this we’ve had a great relationship for many years never a hint of abuse or gaslighting etc. So I’m short I trust my DP on this one.

Thanks again for all your help and support xx

Can she report him and his comments to HR? It's totally unacceptable in any workplace. Sounds like he made this fake profile as well although don't know how you'd prove that

You are right about trust. And if you trust her then you are right to take this leap of faith. I hope you both manage to work through this and wish you well. And as for the man at work, regardless of anything else, he should absolutely be taken to task and hauled over the coals. He sounds vile and there is no room for this in today’s society. Utterly unacceptable. I hope she reports him. All the best

OP, I am sorry but I am not convinced and would still strongly suspect that your partner is cheating on you or trying to. If it was a bloke wanting to connect with gay women, they don’t actually need to find a gay woman’s photo, they could use any photo. I cannot see what benefit it would be for any work colleague to do this, either as a prank or to be nasty as it was pure chance you found out about it anyway and nothing they could have predicted.

The 40km location you mentioned in the first post is very suspicious as is the account being deleted as soon as you confront your partner. If it was a faker, bit of a coincidence that they delete the account at the exact moment you confront your partner. As for the account being set up again and becoming active whilst she was with you ... well she roped somebody in to help.

Your colleague did you a big favour.

:-/
He must think you are stupid.

Too many coincidences to be real. However, OP seems to have made up her mind and no one can convince her otherwise. There are some things in life which we just has to find out ourselves in order to learn from them. Good luck OP and I hope you find truth one day.

Thanks for all your responses. I’m a bit confused as DP has done everything that PPs have suggested what more ‘evidence’ do you feel is needed?

I’m sorry but I saw my partner talk to the profile while sat next to me and it said it was 40km away. I don’t believe that there are multiple people in on this. Especially as my partner has been great for 7+ Years. What more evidence do you guys feel is needed? I do appreciate the input!

Check his phone , emails etc for any further suspicious activity

@Foxyloxxy7

Sorry don’t mean to drip feed but realised I’ve probably left out some pertinent info. The photos weren’t on Facebook, I showed colleague them from the photos on my phone. DP had used all 3 photos as their WhatsApp profile pic in recent weeks. If it was a cat fisher it was somebody who knows DP well enough to have on WhatsApp (but with work group chats etc. That doesn’t mean knows DP well personally).

We live in a small city 45km can get you to a small town (where DP was working for the night, didn’t stay over), or 2 larger more populated towns depending on which direction you go in. There are a few villages or the sea as well!

And for what it’s worth we’ve been together 7 years and live together. No other suspicious behaviour that I can point my finger at.

I think I’m also just a bit mortified at being embarrassed in front of a near stranger colleague at work. The time I showed the dog pics to the colleague was the first time I’d met/spoken her (we hit it off about dogs) and that was 2 days before this!

It can't be a catfish. Who on earth catfishes using their friend's or acquaintance's photos . If people catfish, it's randoms they find info online on. Plus he was near the location that the app said.

Stop letting this guy treat you like a mug!

If they're going around looking for casual sex your health is at real risk and you need to act.