Not sure what to think. Please help!

[Foxyloxxy7]

First time I’ve made a thread.

I was at work and a colleague I didn’t know very well came over and showed me my partner on a dating app. I’d been talking to this colleague the day before and showed them pictures of my dog that happened to have me and my partner in. This is how she recognised my partner - same photos but with me cropped out.

The profile had all the correct details name, age, height etc. And was looking ‘for something casual’. All the photos had me in and I’d been cropped out. The last location was 45km and my partner had been working away a few nights before in an area about 40km away.

I asked my partner about the profile. They said they didn’t know anything about it. They looked up the profile and said it made them sick. They told me they’d made enquires to see if anybody they knew had any idea but said nobody did. They said that the photos were all used on social media as profile images and somebody must have used these to catfish and make a profile.

I believed them and dropped it. But I can’t help this niggling feeling that my partner wasn’t telling the truth. I think because all of the details were correct, would a catfish go so far as correct age and height etc. On the other hand before this happened I had complete trust in my partner and thought they would never do something like this. Why would you crop your partner (but not dog) out of an image to use on a dating website? Why not just take new ones or use solo ones?

Am I over thinking this? Should I just let it go?

And would they know where to post her profile op? I doubt it. It all sounds too elaborate. What would be the point? How would it bother her if the messages from random people weren't going to her? If she didn't know about it? It's a pretty rubbish joke. It's not impossible to be the perfect partner to you but still deceive and sleep around behind your back. Believe me, I know!

So the 'cat fisher' also used her pictures to create a profile for a woman seeking a woman? Uncanny coincidences abound...
I'm sorry, when you hear hooves you don't think zebras. She's been cheating or trying to. Cheats are good at giving cover stories.

I also think your partner has the intention to cheat and why would someone else go to all that trouble to remove you if not her?. Next time she will be more careful. Sometimes too the most obvious answer is the correct one.

OP, unfortunately it doesn’t sound feasible that this is a workplace prank. You say that DP is away with work for the next 4 weeks. Does DP work away from home on a regular basis? This gives her rather a lot of leeway to be meeting up with others from dating apps.

Apart from all the other obvious indicators which PP have mentioned, the location signal just seems too close to be a coincidence. I’m another who thinks this was your partner looking to cheat. If she’s away for such a long time, it sounds like she’s looking for casual hook ups to keep her ‘entertained’ while she’s away. So sorry, OP

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a fuck... you know the rest op.

Shame you spoke to her about this whilst she was away, you've no chance of checking her phone for tinder etc as everything will be removed.

I suspect she's removed the profile because it will show where she is and that will add more fuel to the fire as you'll know where she is and confirm it's her

Agree it’s a shame you spoke to her whilst she’s away as you were not able to fully gauge her reaction for guilt/lies and she now she has time to cover her tracks.

@Itsnotalwaysme I’m so sorry this is also happening to you, it really does suck!

No DP doesn’t normally work away but the company has been forced to look for contracts further afield due to the effects of COVID and work round here being harder to come by.

I don’t think anybody is suggesting it’s a work based prank. More a straight man looking to chat/get dirty pics from gay women. It sounds crazy and I wouldn’t even entertain it as an idea if I hadn’t seen it first hand through friends etc. Straight men really do have fascination/fantasy about lesbians. I’ve never really understood it but it is something that affects gay women on a regular basis. It really is quite bizarre.

The suspected person at work would have been working in the same location as DP. He harasses her quite a lot at work calling her a ‘sexy lesbian’ and asking for threesomes/inappropriate sexual comments quite often.

I was suspicious that the profile was taken down as DP said she reported it so surely that would be what the app would do?

But there is something niggling at me and I don’t think it can all be explained away. I would never check her phone or anything like that anyway so it doesn’t really matter if she had the app and then deleted it etc.

I guess I just need to decide if I believe her or not. I did think maybe she was using it to no cheat in a physical way but to attention/a self esteem boost after a long time of feeling useless on furlough and me not being there as much due to the pandemic. But maybe I’m just making excuses for her! It’s so hard when you’re in love with somebody!

I'd be surprised if the site were able to act that quickly op. Did you say you made an account? If so why not contact them in the same way and see how long it takes. Can she come back? I think you need a face to face. Even if she has deleted the app you may be able to check her battery use to see if it shows on there. It will eat away at you unless you know for sure but it is entirely possible for her to seem innocent whilst conducting a secret life. Reading MN should confirm that if nothing else.

Thanks, it is horrendous isn't it. Although my partner had a verified tinder account he is still denying it

I hope you get some clarity soon, being stuck in limbo about something like this takes its toll xx

@IveGotFrills time between her saying she reported it and me checking it again was about 10 hours during normal working hours. I’m on nights so I was asleep during the day. Good plan I will report mine now. She’s currently 300 miles away so I’m not sure with work it’s practical for either of us to see each other. I wouldn’t ever check her phone so it’s just down to whether I believe her.

@Itsnotalwaysme he sounds like an a**hole. I’m so sorry!

But if it’s the guy from your DP’s work that’s set up the account pretending to be a female in order to talk to other females why would he need to use your DP’s photos, information and location? He could just use any photo of any female and use and info. This doesn’t add up.

And also how would he have the 3 photos to hand?

@Rollergirl11 exactly. I suppose he could have got them from her what’s app picture but WHY use those when he can use anyone from the internet which would be much safer for him?

@Rollergirl11 the app doesn’t have a specific location just this person is xxKm away from you the last time they logged on. The info on there was correct. That info was first name, age and height only. No about me stuff or any interests etc. My DP changed her WhatsApp photo 3 times in quick succession (space of about one week) and these are the photos that were used. This is why I am so torn. It’s a plausible but unlikely story!

@Foxyloxxy7 you have absolutely the right attitude that if you have to sneak into her messages then the trust has gone anyway. But it sounds as though you have enough doubts that that isn’t going to go away without some form of concrete reassurance. Would you ask her for a screenshot or copy of the email she sent the dating app company asking for the profile to be deleted? With the time and date on it. Her reaction to that would be quite telling.

Also, is it unusual for her to change her what’s app photo that regularly? If it’s out of character, she may have been setting up an excuse for how someone could have got hold of the pictures, just in case she was found out.

Come on, op. Your partner is cheating. You know she is. It couldn't possibly be any more obvious.

@Foxyloxxy7 so the person from work would have had to get a screenshot of each photo while it was the profile pic on 3 separate occasions? I’m really sorry OP but this sounds utterly implausible. I think you know this. 😨

I would let him think you've believed him then create a fake profile and try to connect with him on the dating app. If he agrees to meet up and then gives you a line about working on that day then you have your answer.

[quote Rollergirl11]@Foxyloxxy7 so the person from work would have had to get a screenshot of each photo while it was the profile pic on 3 separate occasions? I’m really sorry OP but this sounds utterly implausible. I think you know this. 😨[/quote]
This. Sorry OP, you know the truth is that your partner signed up to the dating app and completed her profile. I know it's painful but it's the truth

She, sorry OP.

Nah, don't fall for the bullshit. She's cheating.

Otherwise why use 3 photos? Why be in the same location as her when it's not somewhere she normally is? Why did it miraculously disappear when she found out you knew?

Do yourself a favour and get rid.

Op, I’m sorry but the answer is obvious, it was your partner.

The question really is why she wants to meet other women when she’s away.

Set up a profile and talk to this person/imposter?
Has your partner done anything about the ‘fake’ profile. I sure wouldn’t want my details out there!