If your children haven't seen their Dad for months..

[Pebbledashery]

Then suddenly saw them after contact was resumed...
How did they react? Did they cry? Did they go to them straight away?
DD saw her dad for the first time yesterday after nearly 6 months.. She cried to start off with but it was then reported back that contact went OK. Just interested in knowing how others children reacted when they saw their fathers for the first time after a while of no contact.

My kids didn’t see their dad for 3 years; no they didn’t cry when they saw him again.

@Givemeabreak88 wow that's a long time.
I was actually really proud of how DD was when she saw him. I hope she recognised it was her dad. She's not once said Daddy since we've been home though which I find a bit odd.

Yeh he just disappeared and didn’t bother with them, they’ve been seeing him again for the last 6 months but tbh they aren’t bothered I don’t believe there is any bond and they don’t view him as a father. They wouldn’t care if they didn’t see him again put it that way.

How old is your dd?? Did he take her straight away? I would have build up to that if he has been absent for so long.

My dd has saw her df once since lockdown started.
She did seem to have a good time when she saw them but not as excited as i thought she would be.
She faces times them and says she prefers that to actually visiting.

So my ex has been granted one hour supervised contact in the community with the supervised of an independent social worker he's paying for. I saw him take DD from the social workers arm's she was still crying then he comforted her and she stopped. He's still a violent abuser but contact seemed to go OK so I expect he thinks he's dad of the year now.

How old is DC?

If she saw or knows of his behaviour I imagine it would be quite daunting

She's only 2. Yes she witnessed quite a lot of violence unfortunately and she also repeatedly heard him screaming and shouting. I feel bizarre saying this but I'm not even sure if she knew she saw her dad yesterday as I would have expected her to at least say "daddy" once since we've been home but she hadn't. I'm sure he would've said daddy a million times to her.
He'll never be a daddy in my eyes that title deserves respect and I'll never respect him as a father no matter what he does.

Oh I really wouldn’t expect her to know he is her dad if she is only 2, my youngest is 3 (yes he left me when I was pregnant and only saw her a handful of time’s before he vanished) and she just started calling him dad immediately but we have older children who were calling him dad so I think that’s why she did. I doubt she would have if they hadn’t.

@Pebbledashery I agree with you. Barely a man let alone a dad. Keep strong 👶🏼

Just feel a bit sh*t about everything. Cafcass didn't endorse interim contact it was very clear the safeguarding concerns in their letter. I feel like the judge has put me at risk by allowing contact to take place because my ex doesn't know where we live and has a long history of stalking and harassing ex partners. So yesterday I had to drive 150 miles for one hours contact, I have to do that every Sunday until at least May or June time when we go back to Court. I even had cafcass phone me on Friday querying the directions in the order as they were really taken back the judge ordered interim contact against their advice. Trying to be positive about it but its really hard. I know how he treated DD, the horrible things he did to her and said to her. He flashes his snakey smile and tries to play dad of the year. He's nothing and nobody.

That's so tough. I could tell by your last response you felt sad about it but didn't want to say.

You can only do what you can. I'd be reluctant too. Hopefully she'll get older and not want to see him when she understands more.

Could you say next visit that you said you were going again and she got really upset as you feel it brought back bad memories and it isn't good for her mental health?

You know, all those users on mumsnet that have darling husbands and wonderful fathers.. that's what I would have wanted for my daughter! not this lousy, low life, spineless, violent abuser! he thinks he's never wrong. The only reason I will cooperate is for my daughters sake, she's been through enough - I will not use her as a weapon or in a tug of war between us, I only want contact to go well for her sake, but hope to God the Courts do address his violent behaviour before progressing contact.. the thought of him getting everything he wants makes me utterly sick. I am reluctant to do that because I don't want to lie and use her as a manipulation tactic.

That is very harsh

What was the judge thinking ??

So he needs to pay for the contact centre and the person who will supervise it?

Let's just hope they never grant unsupervised!!

Shocking what goes on really heartbreaking

Oh god, so sorry you had a judge award contact. Will the case return to the same judge after six months?

If contact is being awarded regardless, ask for every fortnight, do you have one weekend to rest and for you and your DD to have quality time together, she can have playdates (outside of covid) etc.

I'm so sorry you ended up with a judge who ignored CAFCAS, it rarely happens, usually CAFCAS has a very big influence on the judges decision.

Hope your ex gets bored of contact and paying for it.

I'm pretty sure I would cry if I was suddenly confronted with a giant violent man who I could not escape (because he is a giant to a 2 year old). What a mindfuck to be held by that violent terrifying man and him trying to "comfort" you. Poor little girl. That's going to fuck her up.

I don't know why you're expecting a traumatised child to be talking about this violent abusive man as "daddy" or forlornly pining over him.

I recognise you from other threads. I think it's horrific this child is being forced by the legal system to see this violent abuser.

I knew this would be contact centre poster!

My youngest cousin was 3 when they didn't see their dad for somewhere between 6 and 12 months. As an adult this younger cousin had a stress related emotional breakdown (caused by various things including his dad threatening to kill himself if this younger cousin couldn't get his older brothers to agree to see their dad). Anyway when I was visiting him in hospital he mentioned "when I met my dad for the first time..." so he didn't remember ever living with his dad before that. I remember it caused him a lot of stress when visits were due, bed wetting etc. However he gets along alright with his dad now, maybe because he didn't remember before he left and how abusive he was.

The older brothers were 5 and 7 and remembered and were quite affected by it all. They don't speak to the dad now and probably never will.

I think I just need to suck it up - nothing I say will change it. The draft order has come in now and it says contact is to take place every Sunday. The Judge didn't listen to a single word my Barrister said. What's tough is because he's the Applicant his Barrister gets to speak first, she said "This is clearly not a no contact case" and "Father loves and misses his daughter so very much and played a huge role in her life"
I just felt like saying - TELL ME WHAT HE DID? because as far as I am aware I have raised that little girl single handily.
The ISW is lovely, have spoken to her a few times. She said she'll only progress contact if its in DD's best interest and nothing he does will contribute to that.
Just feel sick at the whole thing.

@Pebbledashery I really feel for you. Not sure how these things work but id be protesting just Incase he behaves poorly towards her in the future.

There's nothing I can do now is there. That's literally it, he gets contact with her because the Judge thinks it's best for DD - doesn't matter if I am at risk.

@Pebbledashery or your daughter is at risk. Infuriates me!

@LiG123 apparently not according to the judge...its apparently in her best interest to see him according to him.

😔

That's the thing

They may just
A stop caring and stop paying
B get told it is not in the child's best interest

How long is the contact for?
Surely this will all be fed back to the judge ?
Fck this system and these abusers who continue their wicked ways

They don't win

I can tell you that much
And you are free from him and not living directly in fear of the bad fu----

Its supervised in the community until we have fact finding which is around May or June time.. I'm wondering whether to ask my solicitor to change Barrister. Although she was very good, she's a junior barrister.. Now I know what I'm up against with my ex I think I would feel confident with someone who had a bit more aggression. My legal aid covers the cost of a slightly more senior barrister..
Just need to hope he's ordered to do a DVPP before contact is progressed. His solicitor sent the court bundle the day before the hearing and didn't put any of my documents in there at all. It was so underhanded.