Would it be ok not to do this Skype call?

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

Dp and I are hopefully getting married in a few months (pandemic permitting) and we’ve arranged it when we have his dc with us. There is a court ordered Skype call with their mum that weekend (they are with us Friday to Sunday and they call mum on a Saturday evening). The relationship with dp’s ex is acrimonious and she has tried to stop him seeing the dc - so he’s had to go through court to see them.

She will not concede anything, but do we really have to provide a Skype call when we will be sitting down to the wedding breakfast and she will see the dc the next day? I don’t want to cause issues for dp - but I would find the call intrusive on the wedding day itself, it’s a small intimate ceremony. The venue is remote so the signal there is poor anyway.

I’ve suggested to dp that maybe he offer a Friday bedtime call instead - though he only picks them up at 5 on Friday so even that seems silly. Does that seem fair? Ultimately it is his decision of course, but he’s happy to not do the call given the circumstances and I don’t want to cause issues with ex.

Bump

Congratulations on your forthcoming Wedding OP 🎉

what age are the children.. if they're old enough is it something they could do themselves? or if they are too young perhaps a relative could do it with them to their Mum...

I wouldn't go down the path of 'missing' the skype call purely because it creates unnecessary aggro from the Mum... its the last thing you need on your magical day ⭐️

What was the courts reasoning behind ordering a Skype call on a Saturday evening, when he only had the DC’s after school on a Friday and they’re home on a Sunday? That seems like a massive infringement on his time with DC. I’d be going back to court to have this amended immediately. It I were him id just tell her I’m getting married on this Saturday, the venue is remote and there isn’t really any connection so you’ll see them on Sunday!

What was the courts reasoning behind ordering a Skype call on a Saturday evening, when he only had the DC’s after school on a Friday and they’re home on a Sunday?

Yes I wondered this...

are they very young OP 🌺

Just do the call it doesn't have to be "intrusive"

I'd say yes you do. As your DP has to have full proof of having complied with the court order, if there's likely to be more court action in future due to her being unreasonable.

Rearranging or cancelling the call is probably more hassle than it's worth and will give the ex loads of ammo.

They are 5 and 9. He is going back to court to have it amended as I agree, it is ridiculous. He also wants them Friday to Monday and overnight mid week (we just have teatime at the moment).
He originally agreed to the Saturday Skype call as she asked for it to be in the order and he was trying to appear reasonable. The dc were very young then and she was originally trying to insist on three Skype calls!

If its court ordered then unless she agrees to a different time yes I suspect you will have too

The reception is poor but he could take them outside to do the call maybe. I would prefer that to at the table where we are having the wedding meal.

It’s a drag, OP, but yes - if the court has ordered the call you have to do it, unless you are able to get the order amended in the meantime. That will probably be more hassle than just doing the call.

I can only imagine she will feel quite awkward during the wedding reception doing the call, but it’s not worth any risk - I will advise DP to do it. She won’t agree to change the time if she thinks she can make things difficult. The kids can have headphones so we don’t hear the call.

We’ve deliberately kept the wedding a secret as we are terrified she won’t send the kids and break the order herself. I think she would if she thought she could - but it’s really important to us that all of our dc are there.

We’ve deliberately kept the wedding a secret as we are terrified she won’t send the kids and break the order herself

oooffftt okay 🤣

then definitely make the call OP ❤️🎉

@Farontothemaddingcrowd - so are you keeping it secret from the children too then?

Will do. The order doesn’t state that it has to be a video call, so it could just be audio with headphones and we can ask a friend to help the kids do it. It’s usually a video call but I think in the circumstances and given the poor signal it will have to just be a voice call. If nothing else it will show that dp has followed the order perfectly and will look good when it comes to court.

The children know we are getting married, but not the date. It’s a necessary evil unfortunately.

cripes... good luck OP... I hope you have the Dress of your dreams 💕

Ok. My stomach is turning at the thought of these children being put at the sharp end of this. So are they going to be effectively telling her about the wedding in the call? Or will she already know by the time they speak to her?

So is the idea that you're not going to tell her about the wedding and that she will probably find out from the skype call?
If that's the case then please do not put the children in that position where they might have to deal with the mothers shocked reaction that it was hidden from her!

No we will tell the mum before the wedding but once the children are in our care. We would not put the dc in that position. She does know we are getting married, just not the date.
Dp is going to tell her on the Friday and ask her permission to not have the call, but if she refuses we are court ordered to do it.

And I do have a lovely dress ready, really hoping I get to wear it! Things still feel uncertain but the vaccine is looking hopeful.

I'd not ask to change it, I'd simply arrange a friend or relative take the kids to a quiet place and make the Skype call, you can do Skype over a smart phone.

If you ask to move it as a result of the wedding, the she could cause issues at the actual wedding.

I think it’s fine to make a request. She wouldn’t cause issues at the wedding itself and I think it’s reasonable to make her aware so that she doesn’t hear of it on the day from the children. If she insists on the call, she will have a call.

There is no reason for her to be angry that we are getting married - she ended the marriage and is in a long term relationship herself.

And I do have a lovely dress ready, really hoping I get to wear it! Things still feel uncertain but the vaccine is looking hopeful.

oh wonderful.... ⭐️

the children are young.. they'll just enjoy the day and chat to Mum as normal... I wouldn't make any grand statements prior to the Wedding.... I'd be fearful she lashes out demanding the kids do not attend etc 😱 your worst nightmare...

don't over think it... make the call ... no skype.. just a regular call... enjoy your Day 🎉

I'd not ask to change it, I'd simply arrange a friend or relative take the kids to a quiet place and make the Skype call, you can do Skype over a smart phone.

better still yes 🌺