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Original poster

Would this message get an irritate reaction from you?

47 replies

mangomemory · 20/11/2020 20:29

My bf received this from a woman he dated in his youth (well over 20 years ago). They had a lunch date about 18 months ago but it went nowhere as he met me. She knows he's in a relationship but that we don't live together, no kids etc. She messages him sporadically on Facebook messenger (she doesn't have his phone number and not friends with him on Facebook). Last time it was to ask him advice after a younger man had asked her out 🙄

He's flattered by the message. I'm irritate about it. He did not tell me about it and he replied to it. I saw it when he was showing me something else.

We're supposed to be living together temporarily over lockdown. Told him to go home out of my way as it's really annoyed me. I think he's feeding the attention from her by replying. He says he's not interested and it's rude not to reply. The not telling me is also niggling me.

Am I over reacting?

Would this message get an irritate reaction from you?
OP posts:
HotSince63 · 20/11/2020 20:30

Yes.

Bluntness100 · 20/11/2020 20:31

Well yes, it’s a fairly standard Facebook response. Doesn’t mean she wasn’t to shag the arse off him

Do you have jealousy or insecurity issues? Or is there a drip feed? Because this is nothing.

Smallsteps88 · 20/11/2020 20:33

That wouldn’t bother me at all.

BendyWendy18 · 20/11/2020 20:34

Wouldn't bother me either

CyberNan · 20/11/2020 20:34

hahaha he may not be interested but she certainly is...

advice about a younger man my arse... she was telling him she is available. that messages is a blatent come on.

no you aren't over reacting. contact her and tell her to fook off... if he really isnt interested then he wont be bothered will he...?

Original poster
mangomemory · 20/11/2020 20:35

Thanks 👍 Not in a great mood and needed some perspective 😂 she irritates the shit out of me.

OP posts:
Original poster
mangomemory · 20/11/2020 20:36

@CyberNan

hahaha he may not be interested but she certainly is...

advice about a younger man my arse... she was telling him she is available. that messages is a blatent come on.

no you aren't over reacting. contact her and tell her to fook off... if he really isnt interested then he wont be bothered will he...?

I think it's quite transparent what she sends. She's made it clear she's interested previously. He thinks she's just been nice 🙄
OP posts:
Bunnymumy · 20/11/2020 20:37

Wouldnt bother me either.
Nor would him responding.
Or him not telling me.

It's a non issue.

Even if there is backstory with him cheating.

widespreadpanic · 20/11/2020 20:37

Geez I thought I was sensitive... yes you are overreacting. This would actually get a snicker out of me cause she sounds desperate.

Original poster
mangomemory · 20/11/2020 20:38

@widespreadpanic

Geez I thought I was sensitive... yes you are overreacting. This would actually get a snicker out of me cause she sounds desperate.
On I pissed myself laughing when she sent the younger bloke message as he showed it me straight away. I think ?? I would have done if he'd shown me this and not hid it. He's muted the conversation.
OP posts:
Bunnymumy · 20/11/2020 20:38

But yes you are right about it being a come on.

Honeyroar · 20/11/2020 20:39

I can see why you’re irritated. She clearly fancies him and keeps trying to fan the flames, but it doesn’t sound like he’s bothered. He’s got you (even if you have just sent him away in a huff!). He doesn’t want her, or he’d be with her..

Goldensnitchy · 20/11/2020 20:47

If he knows she fancies him and likes the attention, mutes their conversation and hides it from you then yeah I wouldn’t be happy with that. Doesn’t mean he wants to do anything about it but why is he being so secretive? He doesn’t want to be seen to leading her on but actually quite likes it?

FrazzledFTM · 20/11/2020 20:48

I can see why you are irritated. The message itself would be nothing to worry about, BUT if she has mentioned her interest previously, I would take it like she's just reminding him she exists.

I would be wary of her, but I think your partner is probably just being naive to what she is doing and probably genuinely thinks she's just being nice. A similar sort of thing happened in my relationship. They had split up more recently than in your case, about 18 months, and my DP was genuinely just happy she wanted to be friendly so things weren't awkward between them as they had mutual friends.

Heyahun · 20/11/2020 21:01

But what are you worried about ? So what if someone else likes him? You either trust him not to go off with her or you don’t

If you don’t trust him then you have bigger problems

GalaKC · 20/11/2020 21:02

The actual content of that particular message is harmless enough but the asking advice about the younger guy is NOT. Oldest trick in the book to make herself look more desirable and to appeal to his instincts to protect or compete. Dodgy.

EarthSight · 20/11/2020 21:16

@CyberNan

hahaha he may not be interested but she certainly is...

advice about a younger man my arse... she was telling him she is available. that messages is a blatent come on.

no you aren't over reacting. contact her and tell her to fook off... if he really isnt interested then he wont be bothered will he...?

Lol yes. I think that's how that message about the younger man was intended. Sorry, but I just feel it's far fetched to randomly message a guy for this type of advice. Quite transparent.
Original poster
mangomemory · 20/11/2020 21:33

@Heyahun

But what are you worried about ? So what if someone else likes him? You either trust him not to go off with her or you don’t

If you don’t trust him then you have bigger problems

I don't think he'll go off with her. But my trust issues are def coming though with this. He was a dick when we first got together and things have been great for ages now, but the messages feel like reminders out of the blue. I'd have blocked her if it were me and would not court it by replying. I guess I am wanting him to do the same 🤷‍♀️
OP posts:
Littlepaws18 · 20/11/2020 21:39

This isn't someone who is a life long friend. This is someone he had feelings for in his youth met up again to see if it would go anywhere. Her messages clearly shows she's interested. He replied not because she is a friend but because he likes his ego flirted with.

I would tell him to block her. There is no good that will come from that flirt fest.

johnd2 · 20/11/2020 21:43

That message looks like spam to me, the only thing missing is an obscure link to click at the bottom. Only a generic reference to Facebook posts and a comment about an election that almost everyone in the world has heard about.
Are you sure her account wasn't hacked and someone is spamming all her recent messages?

Original poster
mangomemory · 20/11/2020 21:55

@johnd2

That message looks like spam to me, the only thing missing is an obscure link to click at the bottom. Only a generic reference to Facebook posts and a comment about an election that almost everyone in the world has heard about. Are you sure her account wasn't hacked and someone is spamming all her recent messages?
Def not spam. They aren't friends on Facebook she's looked at his public posts and commented on something specific he wrote.
OP posts:
Original poster
mangomemory · 20/11/2020 21:55

@Littlepaws18

This isn't someone who is a life long friend. This is someone he had feelings for in his youth met up again to see if it would go anywhere. Her messages clearly shows she's interested. He replied not because she is a friend but because he likes his ego flirted with.

I would tell him to block her. There is no good that will come from that flirt fest.

Think you're bang on with the ego thing 👍
OP posts:
JustAPassingFashion · 20/11/2020 22:14

Muted the conversation so that you won't see a notification if she messages again?

The message wouldn't bother me OP, but that would.

Sarahlou63 · 20/11/2020 22:23

I'd be waaay more pissed off about that comment "that Harris woman" - sexist and possibly racist. If he agrees with her you're better off without him.

BlueThistles · 20/11/2020 22:30

I think she's right though.. Harris will take over...

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