Would this message get an irritate reaction from you?

[mangomemory]

My bf received this from a woman he dated in his youth (well over 20 years ago). They had a lunch date about 18 months ago but it went nowhere as he met me. She knows he's in a relationship but that we don't live together, no kids etc. She messages him sporadically on Facebook messenger (she doesn't have his phone number and not friends with him on Facebook). Last time it was to ask him advice after a younger man had asked her out 🙄

He's flattered by the message. I'm irritate about it. He did not tell me about it and he replied to it. I saw it when he was showing me something else.

We're supposed to be living together temporarily over lockdown. Told him to go home out of my way as it's really annoyed me. I think he's feeding the attention from her by replying. He says he's not interested and it's rude not to reply. The not telling me is also niggling me.

Am I over reacting?

@Sarahlou63

I'd be waaay more pissed off about that comment "that Harris woman" - sexist and possibly racist. If he agrees with her you're better off without him.

It's really telling about her. In my opinion it's prob one of his only posts that she felt she could legitimately comment on (and does it badly). It's usually political economics and based on financial markets, the impact of Covid etc. The post is around the electorate in America not being open to a female black president and using Biden to get the Presidency then she can step in when he is too ill to continue.

She's dumbed it down to "that Harris woman" for the purposes of the message she sent him.

@BlueThistles

I think she's right though.. Harris will take over...

Totally. Biden is not well at all.

What the actual fuck?! From the previous posters, a summary:

Nothing to be concerned about
A come on
Racist
Sexist

Can I add bestiality just for good measure?!

I don’t see any issue

I guess it depends upon whether this is your equal partner, or owned pet?

I would walk away from someone who had the cheek to tell me who to block when there wasn't even anything to justify the request.

Far to controlling for me. And why were you going through his phone?

Maybe your paranoia is driving him to hide stuff. His life can't be much fun.

What the actual fuck?! From the previous posters, a summary:

Nothing to be concerned about
A come on
Racist
Sexist

Can I add bestiality just for good measure?!

Typical mumsnet. Give it a page or two and OP's partner will be a porn-obsessed 'manchild' and she'll be needing an STI test.

Gosh these posts, I comment on male friends posts all the time, I had genuinely no idea that something as innocuous as the op showed would make some women think I fancied them.,

I can only say wow, just wow.

Dump him now and release him from his cage.

@chickenyhead

I guess it depends upon whether this is your equal partner, or owned pet?

I would walk away from someone who had the cheek to tell me who to block when there wasn't even anything to justify the request.

Far to controlling for me. And why were you going through his phone?

Maybe your paranoia is driving him to hide stuff. His life can't be much fun.

I agree. I haven't asked him to block. That's his decision. I said I would personally do it the other way round.

He was trying to send me a video via Facebook messenger and it messed up. I was sat next to him. It was the top message on in his inbox. I didn't go though his phone.

@chickenyhead

Dump him now and release him from his cage.

Would prob be easier in the long run...😆

OP I think that this isn't really about the texts. I get the feeling that you don't see your own value.

He should be privileged to be with you and you with him. It shouldn't feel so shaky and unstable.

You deserve better, both of you. Maybe you can work together to get there, or maybe you need to see your worth first. But for that message to have caused your reaction shows me that you are vulnerable.

What amazes me is that neither you, your partner, or his ex are from the US but feel qualified to make such a huge assumption of American voters! 😂😂😂

@beenwhereyouare

What amazes me is that neither you, your partner, or his ex are from the US but feel qualified to make such a huge assumption of American voters! 😂😂😂

Sorry was a sweeping statement. The sentiment is about women getting voted into certain positions and it being easier for a man to do so. Then the glass ceiling that race brings. That's not specific to America of course.

@chickenyhead

OP I think that this isn't really about the texts. I get the feeling that you don't see your own value.

He should be privileged to be with you and you with him. It shouldn't feel so shaky and unstable.

You deserve better, both of you. Maybe you can work together to get there, or maybe you need to see your worth first. But for that message to have caused your reaction shows me that you are vulnerable.

Thanks for your reply. My reaction is layered from my prior experiences and that makes sense and gives me lots to think about. I'm being flippant but the replies here have been really helpful to frame my thinking beyond initially being irritate 👍

Could you secretly go on his Fb and block her? 😂

I'm wondering if this has more to do with your relationship with him.

You didn't really say how long you've been together. Where do you see this relationship with him going?

I don't think you have no reason not to trust your bf.

He is with you. If he wanted to be with her he would be. Like you say he is not friends with her on FB and she doesn't have his number.

I know he didn't tell you about this message but if he had something to hide he would have deleted the message string from facebook and you would never have seen it the way that you did.

Move in together temporarily as planned and enjoy yourselves. Forget this kid from the past and move on. I don't think your bf is interested in her one bit

But my trust issues are def coming though with this. He was a dick when we first got together

This is the real issue.

but the messages feel like reminders out of the blue.

The beginning of a relationship is when you should get the very best...but he wasn't and you stayed with him....why? Is it something to do with your self confidence perhaps.

His dodgy behaviour had created mistrust in you....no wonder you feel this way.

‘That Harris woman????’ That irritated me more! Anyway.....if you can’t trust him, dump him

Who cares he is with you isn't he?
What do woman like you do when your partner has to speak to a woman? Stand behind looking for flirting or over friendliness
Being pleasant is not a threat but your reaction is

ReaLly not an issue
So what If he likes hearing from her every now snd then ? He chose you, not her.
If he wanted to be with her, he'd have broken up with you when she last got in touch... These are innocuous messages

I'm in touch with exes occasionally /fb friends, sometimes I'm single sometimes not . We chew the fat about whatever topic at the time, find out how each's DCs are doing and then maybe don't talk for another 6-12 months. Nothing in it at all.