I need so advice, PLEASE...

[gotthis1234]

We have a DD who is 5 and I have found myself back and forth with do I stay in my relationship or don't I?

We've had issues with him using drugs (got last that) issues with him seeing escorts and looking on dirty sites, he has told me to fuck off on numerous occasions and called me c**t - BUT like most stories like this... we get on well most of the time and our family until is my safety net and comfort zone - somehow! (He's such a split personality - hard worker, good job etc.....)

I'm 32 and currently at my mums, because I had to walk away after he let his sons smoke weed there one night.

He's now saying let's have a another baby and get married and get past all this!!

Why is this playing with my head so much?? What am I supposed to do? I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. My mum and I have just had an explosive row over the fact I haven't called it a day!

I was made redundant because of COVID and I just feel by the time I work again and set up home for me and may daughter time is running out! I want more children so badly and so him saying that has really confused me!

Please help - I can't keep feeling this way anymore!!

He will never ever change
Your mum is right to explode
He keeps you dangling - he’s a drug user, user of porn, calls you disgusting names
He doesn’t have a split personality - he manipulates you
He’s not a good person if he treats you like this

You are still young - stop wasting your time, plough your energies into your job hunt and your daughter

My mum and I have just had an explosive row over the fact I haven't called it a day!

Your mother is absolutely right.
How can you contemplate getting back with a drug user who calls you a cunt. Do not have another child with him. Protect the child you do have.

THIS
He will never ever change
Your mum is right to explode
He keeps you dangling - he’s a drug user, user of porn, calls you disgusting names
He doesn’t have a split personality - he manipulates you

Do I have time to start again and create the home life I want so badly and have more children? Life feels like it's slipping away and being made redundant has made it so much scarier!

Yes you do have more time
I was made redundant in April
Took me three months to find a job
It’s possible
In a year your life could be very different

You will never have true happiness or a strong family life with this partner

@gotthis1234

Do I have time to start again and create the home life I want so badly and have more children? Life feels like it's slipping away and being made redundant has made it so much scarier!

You are not going to create the home life you want with him. You have more of a chance with a clean break.

Perhaps just spend a bit of time with your beautiful daughter you have.

You may or may not have more children but you have a five year old daughter right now, don't chase rainbows and miss her life.

Do you want her to think he is the father figure to look up to? Is this what you want for her?

Have a lovely Christmas with your mum and daughter. Don't go back.

Take some time breathe.

Dear God, don't have another baby with him

It's time to raise your standards.

Get rid of that awful man. Do not even think about having another child with him.

Do The Freedom Programme online, and get your life stable for you and your daughter

The way to make things better isn't to have more children with this man is it?

Of course you can start again if you break up, you're 32. You can't start again if you DO stay with him!

Put your child first and stop being in a relationship with someone abusive because you want more children.

Make yourself and her safe, secure, happy and healthy before you think about having more children.

You can't be with someone who treats you how he does and expect your daughter to have a healthy view of relationships. If you'd hate for her to be in a relationship like this when she's older then leave for her sake if not yours.

Your poor mum must be at the end of her tether with this because she loves you and can't bear to see you waste any more years with such a horrible man.

It sounds harsh but staying with him for the sake of you having another child would be so incredibly selfish and unfair of you. You have your child to prioritise now, that's what you need to be focusing on.

I'd go ballistic too if I was your mum. Protect your child from this abusive, sexist druggie

@myhobbyisouting

I'd go ballistic too if I was your mum. Protect your child from this abusive, sexist druggie

Ditto.

@gotthis1234

Do I have time to start again and create the home life I want so badly and have more children? Life feels like it's slipping away and being made redundant has made it so much scarier!

So what if you do?

What sort of life would your children have with this man?

If you want a good home life, go it alone and create it. You can't get it with him.

And if you think 'getting on well most of the time' equals a marriage, well - it doesn't.

You say he's said "and get past all this". It's clear he wants YOU to get past his behaviour, not that he will change so that you can stay.

I was 3 years older than you are now when I met my husband, 8 years older when we bought a lovely family home and 10 years older than you are now when I had my first child so yes there's plenty of time to start again xx

It doesn't sound to me like this man is going to give you the family life you want. There's time but it's marching on so stop wasting it on a relationship that's going nowhere, get to it!

Your daughter and any other children you would have with him are going to be damaged if you were to stay with him. He’s not a fit father or partner. Set your daughter an example- this is not the kind of live you should aim for. There’s so much better out there. Leave him with his drugs and porn.

You already have a child and your job is as her protector. Is it good for her to see you being abused and would you want her in an environment where drugs are common place? Your reasons for staying with this man are not good enough. In this case your mother knows best. Cherish your child and if You want more children cut your losses and stop wasting time. Find a man who can provide a loving, nurturing home for you and your daughter

He uses escorts!! That is the grimmest of the grim. How can you accept that. He's putting his dirty cock in other women, but you want it in you to make another baby! Jesus Christ!

How bad is your self-esteem that this is acceptable?? Of course you leave and start again. Of course!! What the hell!

Don’t for goodness sake stay and ‘settle’ for this man. If you were my daughter I suspect we’d have had a very to the point conversation as well! She wants better for you, hells bells, you should want better for you too, much much better.

You cannot possibly be considering bringing another poor child into this toxic, dysfunctional situation. Your poor daughter comes first, not your unrealisable fantasies about playing happy families with an abusive man.

I think your Mum was right too. I’d be furious and disappointed if my daughter chose to stay with an man like this.

Some good advice I hear on here is imagine your daughter was in this situation m, what would you say to her

Tbh I didn't even finish your op because its a car crash. Get rid.

The quality of your life can not ever exceed the quality of your partner.
In 15 years time when you are so over him you will look back and realise the leap into the unknown would have been a better choice. No one knows where their life will go next, but shackle yourself to him and it can only get worse not better. And you'll have two children or more of your own he'll be smoking weed with.