Shall I approach again?

[pinkeskimo12]

Hi everyone!

Last month, I was texting a guy who I have met a handful of times through friends and I feel absolute immense chemistry with. He is SO up my street, was just so nice and easy to talk to, absolutely hilarious and so lovely. He said the same about me and we just got on so well and laughed so much. We arranged to meet up this month but lockdown happened so we couldn’t. He lives an hour away. We are 24 by the way!

A few weeks ago, he had already told me all about how he’s planning on going travelling in January but he sent me a long text about how he really likes me and he knows we would potentially catch feelings if we carried on and he doesn’t want either of us to get hurt, because he knows he is inevitably pissing off around the world for a year in January or as soon as possible. He didn’t want to lead me on any further when he’s not in the place for a relationship. He was lovely about it, I was sad but I understood where he was coming from, and we agreed to cut back on the texting.

The other day, he shared a post on Facebook stating that we can’t go down under until at least this time next year now (and as sad as this sounds, maybe things happen for a reason!!!). This instantly made me think that if we had known this before, we may not have cut things off because it’s a whole year away and who knows what could happen before then.

So my question is, do I say something? I just really felt something there and still do, I feel like we’re a really good match and I feel I’ll regret it if I don’t just say that I enjoy talking to him and want to chat again (in the least cringey way possible haha!). I’m fully expecting people to say that if he cared, he would pop up, but maybe he’s thinking the same thing about me!! I just wonder if I should just take the plunge and find the courage to message - but I want to write it very carefully and not seem creepy or clingy.

What does everyone think?

No, if his change of plans made him want to change his stance regarding you he would contact you. He’s told you where he stands, leave it be.

At the end of the day what have you got to lose? He might not be interested but at the same time it's better you know than continuing to fantasise about him if he's not interested. Good luck

I would. Why not? Nothing ventured and all that!keep it casual, no pressure. Good luck

Yes I would. He probably doesn’t feel able to get in touch as he was the one who put the brakes on so you’d be within your rights to tell him where to go now if he reached out just because his plans have changed. Is it possible the Facebook post was a little hint?

Yeah I’ve got nothing to lose I suppose! It’s not like I’ll ever be likely to see him around if he rejects me. And it’s one of those of not knowing unless I ask.
I just have no idea how to write a text - I want to appear upbeat and want to put across that I just want to have a laugh and speak to him and meet up and go on some dates as we have nothing to lose - I don’t wanna come across cringey and all like “miss you” haha

I didn’t think of the Facebook post being a hint! Don’t wanna get my hopes up haha but very possible I suppose

If he wants to be with you, he'll contact you. Queens don't chase... their crown might fall off 👑

Was it him who suggested cutting back the contract?

If he honestly felt anything genuine he would be in contact. Men let you know when they are interested.

I’d move on OP.

I wouldn't text him the type of message were planning about wanting to chat to him. Instead, I would plan a get together with friends (Covid willing) and just invite him casually. You need to be the prize. Busy, social, in demand. Not a door mat willing to hang out until he goes to Oz. Christmas picnic, a group run with mulled wine at the end. Something like that. Then, don't text him one to one (don't give him attention) until he asks you on a date. This isn't the Rules, or playing games. He told you he didn't want to have a relationship with you. So don't show interest until he at least wants to date you. You aren't asking for lifelong commitment.
Sorry, but is he also a bit thick? Where the f* did he think he was going to in January? It would be the worst gap year of travel ever!

I read the title of the thread and went "No"
Read the OP - still no, sorry.
If he really feels the same intense chemistry as you do, he'll be first on the phone - hey guess what, I'm not going away.

He’ll contact you if he wants to. He called things off because he was going travelling. He’s not going travelling so he will contact you if he wants to start things up again. Personally I’d leave it a few weeks. I wouldn’t jump in so shortly after finding out he wasn’t going anywhere.

A great idea Diana, but the friendship group isn’t really a thing anymore as we met years ago but only recently started chatting again. So might look really suspect if I did that sadly
Hmmm interestingly some conflicting opinions! I do agree that he probably would’ve been in contact because he did break it off, but I just hate never knowing!!

Have some self respect. He's told you no. Move on.

The reasons are just backstory. He knows you're interested. He's told FB he's not going away but he didn't contact you. That tells you where you are on his priority list.

I agree you don’t have anything to lose, but do prepare for rejection. In my experience, the ‘I’m going travelling and I don’t want either of us to get hurt’ line is, unfortunately, not a good sign. It tends to mean ‘don’t get too caught up cos I don’t want commitment’. I have heard it twice in the past from different men 😒 OK so his plans have changed. I agree with PPs he will get in touch with you if he’s really keen. But if you do contact him, just be upfront, say you heard his plans changed (assuming he’s not going somewhere else instead) and ask if he wants to meet.

But you do know OP! You know deep down that if he’s interested he will be in touch, and if he’s not he won’t. Either way you’ll have an answer. My advice would be different if you had been the one to call it off initially but it was him. Don’t fool yourself into thinking ‘maybe he’s waiting for me to make the first move’, I can tell you he isn’t. Men say everything and anything to break things off with as little hurt as possible, including telling you how amazing you are etc. If he was genuine about everything he said, you will hear from him.

Why don't you 'like' his post on Facebook. He'll see that you done that. If he wants to get in touch he can follow on from this. If he doesn't, then you have your answer.

What’s all this nonsense about queens and crowns and prizes? . It sounds ridiculous.

I once had a very similar situation. I met a guy through mutual friends, he was due to move to NZ in a couple of months time. Nothing could have stopped us developing feelings even though we knew it couldnt go anywhere and we both plunged in headfirst anyway!
I was very aware I was on the backfoot as he was the one going off on an adventure and a couple of times tried to cool it off as I was worried it could lead nowhere good.

We just couldn't do it however and even when he did move, would spend hours and hours on Skype, finding ways around the time difference.

My point being - I honestly think if he were really into you, he would show it. You would have been his first call once his trip was postponed, I'm sure of it.

However I do understand you wanting to give him a nudge and agree with a PP that FB is a good way to do it - like the post and maybe leave a nice comment on it to show you're still around and no hard feelings.

I think you know the answer already but if he doesn't react to that, you can at least put your mind and any ongoing doubts to rest.

If he really wanted to be with you, you'd know by now.

I’d actually find it rude as the going travelling thing was probably just an excuse ! I’m not saying that’s the case, but that’s what I’d think, so I’d think wow thing guy used that excuse on me and then less than 2 weeks later shares this knowing I’ll see, makes it look like he really doesn’t give a toss how you feel.

I would give a quick text just saying hi sort of thing which then allows him to mention he's now not going away. Sadly though I think PP are right, men usually chase if they want you and he hasn't bothered to let you know he's now staying.

I too would say the ball is in his court as he was the one who wanted to cool things. If you really feel like you want to contact him though I'd leave it a few weeks first so it doesn't look like you've been watching his Facebook feed too intently

What's the point in starting something if he's still going travelling in a year?

Oh just text him OP....gah! these games.

"Sorry to hear your big trip is off. Would love to catch up. Text me if you would."

Fin.

“What's the point in starting something if he's still going travelling in a year?”

This. Even if he’s around for the next several months, he’s still planning to go off travelling so the original hurdle to the relationship is still there. In your shoes, I would probably still drop him a light-hearted message, just so I knew I’d done my bit, but I suspect he’ll still not want to get involved. It would be even harder to go away if you’re a year into an amazing relationship but if he changed his plans for you he might in later years regret not having seized the opportunity to travel.