I did a Clare's Law request, better late than never, and the police need to tell me something.

[Boonlark]

I'm kicking myself for not doing this before we married, and for not doing it during our marriage...even though he was emotionally abusive.

I wanted to, but he kept talking me round so I thought I was overreacting.

Well we're now divorced and he's trying to get contact with my dc through their dad, saying his parents want contact.

So I finally made the Clare's Law request. The police got back to me very quickly. There's something they need to tell me about. They're coming on Sat afternoon/evening.

Anyone know what to expect? I'm feeling really shocked.

Have you already had the police vet/verify your identity? If not, it could be that is what they are coming to do. Before they start processing the request, they need to double check who is asking and why. Once that is done, then they go off and look into the case.

Oh, so it may just be ID checking then? I need to ring them to check, so I can make sure I have ID when they come.

whats the point in ringing them? they are busy

just have your I.D to hand, surely?

He's trying to get contact with your children through their dad? So he's not their father? I'm not sure he's going to be entitled to that!

A very close friend made a Claire’s Law request. The second part of the ‘application’ was a face to face meeting. They checked her ID, and asked some more questions her relationship. I think it was meant to help them decide if she was at risk. It doesn’t mean they ahem anything to tell you at this stage.

Is he the father of your DCs? If not, just tell him to fuck off and any repeated attempts, report him for harassment.

He's not the children's father and he wants his parents to have contact? I really don't think ex-step-grandparents are going to be entitled to that.

So the kids aren’t his - they’re from a previous relationship? Then either tell him to jog on or call his parents and arrange for them to come over, (if you want them to have continued contact).

Is the DC’s father not a bit at the request? Because I would be.

Very strange behaviour of your ex.

He nor his parents have any right to contact if he isn't the father. Tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. You owe him nothing

Agree with everyone else who says he isn’t entitled to contact if he’s not the father!

He’s not their Father and he’s trying to contact rhem through their dad? Why?

I was going to say it might just be to confirm who you are etc.

If there is information, do not expect them to tell you everything. They will just tell you that they have previous convictions for domestic offences. They will not tell you the who, what, when and where.

Look up the pdf on the page linked here. Really clear leaflet. It will be an ID check and more info gathered interview.

www.devon-cornwall.police.uk/advice/threat-assault-abuse/domestic-abuse/domestic-violence-disclosure-scheme-clares-law/

He is not your children's father but he is trying to get access to them via their dad?! That is really not ok. Has your ex husband asked you if he can see them or has he immediately gone behind your back?

He has absolutely no rights to see them and I would tell him to fuck off. Tell their dad that your ex is not to see them and make sure that the school knows that he is not to have contact with them.

Thanks everyone.

Yes. He's not quite...right. I've just had to change the locks as it looks like he has been in the house (not his house and we're divorced). He's trying to keep some kind of relationship with the dc going, to keep a link to me somehow, I think?

The dc's dad unfortunately didn't tell him to sod off. So now Ex's parents and Ex have the address for the dc's dad.

There's other stuff he's doing that seems off too. He was very ragey at me when we were together, but only when others weren't around. When we split he pretended to be ok and friendly, until he realised I wasn't going to get back together with him.

Thankfully I'm moving soon and he doesn't know the new address.

If he's not their father then surely he has no right to see them anyway. But why didn't you check up before you moved him in?

We'd been friends for years, he had me and everyone else fooled. He changed on honeymoon. And if you've been through this, you'll understand that abusers make you doubt yourself, and make you feel like you're overreacting. It's only since we split, and then when he started going ballistic at me more recently that I realised I was worried about what he's capable of doing, and worrying about the risk to me and the dc

Have you warned your dc dad not to give your ex any more info? I'm guessing your ex must be pretty plausible for DC dad to give him his address.

Yes, I've warned him. I think they'll be ok there as it's more me he's wanting to get at. The dc want nothing to do with ex, but they like his parents.

Re: your kids Dad giving access to this unhinged person, a specific issue or prohibited steps order (against your kids Dad) would possibly work as a last resort if he insists on facilitating contact.

I would see a good family law solicitor.

@Handsoffisback

Your children’s father also sounds like an idiot for giving this man his address. What a shit show.

The ex may have got the address during the marriage, if there were any dropoffs, etc.

The dc's dad isn't going to cooperate with him anymore.

I'm not going to reply to the personal attacks. I already regret not doing this before.