I did a Clare's Law request, better late than never, and the police need to tell me something.

[Boonlark]

I'm kicking myself for not doing this before we married, and for not doing it during our marriage...even though he was emotionally abusive.

I wanted to, but he kept talking me round so I thought I was overreacting.

Well we're now divorced and he's trying to get contact with my dc through their dad, saying his parents want contact.

So I finally made the Clare's Law request. The police got back to me very quickly. There's something they need to tell me about. They're coming on Sat afternoon/evening.

Anyone know what to expect? I'm feeling really shocked.

And yes, Dc's dad and his DP, and me and ex all had each others phone numbers and knew where they lived as part of being married.

If you haven't survived an abuser, you can't understand how it works...gradually, bit by bit, so that you don't run away/get a clare's law request in. It's only when you want to leave that you start to see it, and it can take time to really see the full extent of it, once you're out.

Well done for ending it 💐

How old are the DC?

OP I’m glad you’re moving, that’s good.

He’s out of your life. He has no legal means to access your DC.

Glad you moving house, she; the police come I'd mention him coming into the house and the other stuff in case anyone else a year down the line asks fir a request.

If you applied over the phone they will need to come over just to check ID before they do anything else.
Then they will go away and call you to arrange a second visit which will be the results of the application.

Do you have any dc together?

Actually, he does have grounds to apply. The following are eligible to apply for a Child Arrangement Order:

Any party to a marriage (whether or not subsisting) in relation to whom the child is a child of the family - this allows step-parents (including those in a civil partnership) and former step-parents who fulfil this criteria to apply as of right;
Any person with whom the child has lived for a period of at least three years - this period need not be continuous but must not have begun more than five years before, or ended more than three months before, the making of the application.

I've had to invoke Claires Law
I had a telephone interview with a special department. It was booked in advance and I had to do it at the police station with their domestic team.

It was about 35 mins and was all fact checking.

I then had a follow up appointment at the station.

I then had to wait 6 weeks and they phoned me with their response.

@Handsoffisback I'm sure OP has been made to feel bad enough throughout this whole ordeal. She doesn't need you making her feel any more worse. You are not telling her anything she doesn't already know. As an abuse survivor yourself, you should be trying to support her, not tear her down or make her feel small.

OP, well done for getting yourself and your children away from him. All you can do ow is stop him from having contact with your kids. Make sure their dad and his family know to keep him away, I doubt he'll contact the school but them know too just to be on the safe side, any child care providers etc etc. I'd also log it on the non emergency police number, just so that if he tries to make contact with them or you again, you can report him for harassment. Your kids shouldn't see your ex's parents unfortunately as he may try to access them that way.

@MooseBeTimeForSummer

That is only when children are going to live with a step parent or spend time with a step parent. Not when the step father and biological mother are divorced and the mother wants nothing to do with him anymore.

OP congratulations on leaving . It's a hard step to take and it's fantastic that you managed to recognise what was happening and step up to change things.

If the police actually said they had to come round because "There's something [they] need to tell [you] about." then it's probably not an ID check, though it's probably still a good idea to make sure you have ID available and proof of his relationship and the reason for your request. If they didn't say that then you're probably jumping the gun a bit!

But try not to worry because at the moment there isn't anything more for you to do - You've already left. You've already recognized that he is bad news. You can't change the past. Any information about him won't change what he has done. It may even help by giving you ammunition (if you still need it) to get people on board with keeping him away from you and the children.

So don't worry. Keep yourself busy until Saturday. Be glad that you had the strength to leave him when you did.

I have nothing helpful to say other than well done for having the courage and strength to leave. I stayed for over 20 years and I know where you’re coming from. 💐

Ex is on that list.

I've been that officer who has visited people to tell them information following a Claire's law request. The information will be deemed as relevant to a person as it could put them at risk of emotional or physical harm if they were to be in a relationship with that person. It means that the person concerned has come to the attention of the police previously for offences of concern and it's disclosure is designed to protect people from harm by alerting them there is a risk. You wouldn't normally be given specific details such as dates times names of previous complainants - but you would be told the type of risk you could face - physical violence for example.

@celticmissey

I've been that officer who has visited people to tell them information following a Claire's law request. The information will be deemed as relevant to a person as it could put them at risk of emotional or physical harm if they were to be in a relationship with that person. It means that the person concerned has come to the attention of the police previously for offences of concern and it's disclosure is designed to protect people from harm by alerting them there is a risk. You wouldn't normally be given specific details such as dates times names of previous complainants - but you would be told the type of risk you could face - physical violence for example.

If you’re given this info, are you allowed to say to others “police gave some warnings about his criminal record?”

It’s probably ID checking. Well done for doing the application. You might be able to get a stalking protection order if you are worried he’s been in your house etc. Talk to your local domestic abuse charity.

How did you get on @Boonlark?

Hope you are ok

Just sending support and hoping the meeting with the police went well.

Hope it was ok.

So I had a phonecall from them instead. It was a bit confusing, and then it became clear that when I'd submitted the request (using their online form) it had been incorrectly logged as a DV complaint, and the police officer was trying to see if I had enough evidence for them to arrest him.

I was really shocked and worried that this was happening, but they sorted it out, aren't going to arrest him but will put it as a cause for concern under his name. And my request has now been sent to the right team, who'll deal with it as pp have said.

Well done for getting rid of him and now realising how odd his behaviour is. Definitely warn the school he is not to have access to your children. Just in case he tries to get in early and collet them before you arrive.

Hope the disclosure was ok!