I give myself to men so easily and I don't know why

[happilyever]

I’m not sure if it’s because I think I have nothing else to offer. I normally have sex with a man either on the first or second date, even if I don’t really like them or think it will develop into anything. I’m not addicted to sex or even particularly enjoy it unless it’s with someone who I have very strong feelings for. A man who I dated a couple of months ago made a couple of comments about how that’s all I talked about and he found it a bit off putting that I put out on the first date (even though he still had sex with me 🙄, but that’s for another conversation).

I’m currently talking to a man from work who took me out on a date last week. We didn’t have sex and after the date he pretty much ignored me, even after saying he wanted to see me again. I saw him yesterday morning and he said he would text me but didn’t so I messaged him being a bit flirty and basically making it clear that sex was an option which obviously got his attention. He hasn’t stopped texting me since. I don’t have feelings for him or even really see it going anywhere as I know he’s a big drinker, which I’m not. I do find him attractive though.

I think I have sex with men in the hopes that it will make them want to stay and it will eventually turn into something more serious, which of course it never does and then I feel like shit because they’ve found someone else. I live on my own in a lovely little flat, work full time in a decent job and have my own car. I don’t think I’m particularly pretty though and I have put on a lot of weight over the last couple of years. I use to be really slim. I’m not sure why I do it to myself, I just don’t think I have any confidence. My mum has also recently made a few comments about how I behave towards men which has confirmed my feelings in a way.


Has anyone else been through something similar? I'm 25 if that makes a difference.

[happilyever]

Thank you all so much for your kind comments. I deleted all social media last night, feeling a bit lost this morning without it. How pathetic is that? I'm sure it just takes time though and I'll get use to it eventually.

Had a really rubbish night, pretty much cried all evening in bed and then went to sleep around 1am. I'm on annual leave at the minute to until Monday which isn't great as I'd prefer to be in work to keep my mind busy.

I just want to curl up on the sofa and stay there all day. I texted a friend last night who's asked me if I want to go for a walk later this evening to get some fresh air and have a chat so I might do that and hopefully it makes me feel a bit better.

[happilyever]

Also, I've just realised I never answered some of your questions. I have no relationship with my dad. He and my mum divorced when I was around 5 and contact stopped shortly after that. I have a good relationship with my step dad though, he's done a lot for me over the years but he didn't come into the picture until I was about 14.

[HollowTalk]

I think if you were happier about yourself then you'd make wiser choices. What about spending the next six months without dating anyone and watching a ton of TED talks etc on how to raise your self esteem? Go on a health and fitness kick as well. Once you feel better you'll see those men for the idiots they are.

[thecatsarecrazy]

its low self esteem. I'm the same. I basically meet 1 dick head after another, know they're wrong for me but put up with it because I feel like that's all I'm worth. I'm currently being treated like a mug by a narcissist and I still haven't blocked him. He is an absolute pig of a man. Talks to me like a piece of meat, treats everyone with disrespect but I'm still answering his calls and doing everything he asks. I'm 39 and should know better

[Faith50]

I did this from my late teens to mid 20's. I had low self-esteem, thought I was unattractive and slept with anyone who showed interest regardless of whether I fancied them or not. I felt dirty and used afterwards. I believed sleeping with men would keep them interested when in fact they would lose interest or keep me as a FWB. I felt I had nothing else to offer: I was average looking, not overly academic or intelligent.

I had no self value, did not think I was worth more than that.

[happilyever]

@Faith50 this is exactly how I feel. I can relate to every word you've said.

I'm sorry you went through this

[Mermaidwaves]

OP I am exactly the same as you, its massive low self esteem and feeling like its the only way to make a man stay with you, when often it has the opposite effect.

I have a great relationship with my dad but was in an abusive marriage from a young age where he put me down daily. Since separating I've slept with a few fair men and I can say there's only been one I actually liked!

I'm also a big girl and not conventionally attractive so I feel like sex is all I have to offer. I feel used and dirty afterwards and the men lose interest straight away. This has been so interesting to read as I can totally relate.

[Faith50]

Happilyeverafter

I was grateful for the attention after being told I was ugly over and over again by pupils at high school. I gained my worth by sleeping with men, I deluded myself that I must be attractive if they wanted to sleep with me. This stopped when I met my dh, however the shame and guilt returns every so often.

Counselling really does help.