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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I’m sinking and nobody to turn to

73 replies

BearandaSpare · 17/11/2020 07:51

This has been the worst year of my life, nothing to do with COVID. So much has happened and it’s left me completely broken, I’m struggling to get through every day and as the year goes on it just gets harder. I’m alone too much with nothing to fill the time other than thinking how badly I’ve messed up, I cry all the time and am so sick of fighting and trying to be positive. I’ve got no hope for a happy future and I can’t even turn to friends and family as everyone has their own problems thanks to this fucking virus.

OP posts:

Girliegirl50 · 24/11/2020 07:34

Sounds as if you’ve turned a corner which is great. Maybe you were just having a bad week. Drinking less will definitely benefit you and give you a clearer head. Try and spend time with friends and family and surround yourself with people you like. Have you looked into the counselling any more?

Keep us updated OP and let us know how you’re getting on.

Boombox3000 · 25/11/2020 16:07

Hi BearandaSpare, how are you feeling about everything?

Original poster

BearandaSpare · 25/11/2020 22:24

I feel more positive which is odd as nothing has changed - maybe just talking about it helped but it’s also crossed my mind that my age (late 40s) probably isn’t helping as no doubt my hormones are going nuts - it would certainly explain how awful I felt last week.

I’ve thought a lot about counselling but I’m not sure how much it would help me - the past is the past and I can’t change it, certainly not by keep talking about it. But I haven’t ruled it out completely.

OP posts:

Boombox3000 · 28/11/2020 18:19

Hi OP, how are things?

Original poster

BearandaSpare · 30/11/2020 21:00

Better thank you - it’s really nice of you to ask 😊

OP posts:

Boombox3000 · 01/12/2020 17:21

Great to hear you are feeling better. Have you spoken to someone about how you’re feeling? I hope the future is looking bright and positive for you :-)

Butterfly4321 · 01/12/2020 20:20

OP, I’m sorry your having such a hard time. Please do reach out to family/friends and try keep your mind busy, life does get better, I promise 💕

Baileysandcream · 01/12/2020 20:30

Hormones could well be the culprit @BearandaSpare, they can really wreak havoc with your mood and frame of mind.

Glad to hear that you are feeling brighter

Boombox3000 · 09/12/2020 16:54

How are you now op?

Original poster

BearandaSpare · 11/12/2020 06:58

Nothing has really changed but I’ve been more positive. I can feel things getting on top of me again though which makes me think hormones are definitely involved. I’ve just woken up from a terrifying dream about the past and I need a hug 😢

OP posts:

onyourway · 11/12/2020 07:19

Strangely, I think counselling at this stage would be useful. I went for the first time when I was menopausal, one child was leaving home, I was having a wobble about my job. It was a classic 'change in stage of life'. I'd had no major crises to deal with, just an uneasiness about what was going to happen going forwards.
The counsellor helped me explore some ideas going forward, clarified my goals, chatted about my strengths and just helped put me back on the right path again.
You should look at HRT as well.
Menopause can be a bugger as it coincides with so many other life changes

Boombox3000 · 16/12/2020 18:02

Hi op how are you these days?

Boombox3000 · 20/12/2020 07:46

Hope everything is alright with Christmas coming up. What tier are you in?

Original poster

BearandaSpare · 20/12/2020 14:17

Hi @Boombox3000 I’m ok, thanks for asking. We’re in Tier 4 so a bit of a strange Xmas this year, won’t see my mum for the first time in 47 years 🙁 I’ll spend it with my daughter but she’s working over the holiday so I’ll be by myself a fair bit - it still hurts that I could have had a support bubble if my bastard ex had loved me enough. I feel very alone but I’m trying to put on a brave face and plan nice things - just feels like I’ve been doing that all bloody year. I think I was always going to struggle this Xmas but obviously COVID has made it harder - know there are people dealing with much worse though, so grateful that all those I love are still safe and well 🤞🏻

OP posts:

Boombox3000 · 20/12/2020 17:47

Can I ask what happened with your ex? Sounds like you’re better off without if they made you miserable.

Original poster

BearandaSpare · 20/12/2020 20:37

He was my first relationship after my husband and we were together 18 months. When lockdown happened he refused to break the rules and see me - fair enough - but something happened in that time because we went from talking on the phone for literally 5/6 hours at a time to him not wanting to see me when we were finally allowed and eventually ending it.

I don’t understand what changed and I don’t think I ever will but it’s hurt me so much, everyone I know has someone who’s been with them throughout or who couldn’t bear to be separated from them. That cowardly bastard just used the situation to dump me. You’re right I’m better off without him but it’s been unbelievably hard to get through because I still miss him so much.

OP posts:

Boombox3000 · 21/12/2020 04:21

18 months is quite a time to be invested so it does seem unfair that he didn’t offer an explanation to you at all as to why he ended it. I assume you asked him? Not giving an excuse at all, but the events this year has affected lots of people in different ways so it could be a factor.

Divorce is also quite a massive thing to go through (been there unfortunately) so it will take some time to heal from that as well. You’ve been through a lot lately, give yourself a break.

Regardless though, it seems to be as if you need some closure and start focusing on yourself and your daughter and letting go of the past. Focus on the things that make you happy, however small they may seem, contacting old friends and relatives, taking some for yourself, pursuing new or finding old hobbies. Also consider having counselling like that either posters have suggested, it might help let go of the angry feelings and resentment you have and be able to start living your life.

Wallowing will only make you feel worse as you have found, it’s time to pick yourself up and focus on the good things in your life and when you’re ready, find someone who will treat you right.

Original poster

BearandaSpare · 21/12/2020 06:00

I’ve been doing better but this bloody virus is making it impossible to move forward. I just want to put him and this whole year behind me.

OP posts:

Boombox3000 · 29/12/2020 21:04

Hi bearandaspare how are you today? I hope you had a chilled and peaceful Christmas.

Sounds like a good idea leaving the past behind and moving forward. I know with the current climate it’s difficult to see light at the end of the tunnel but hopefully with some time you will feel better about the future for you and your daughter.

Boombox3000 · 20/03/2021 17:51

Hi op. It’s been a while but just wondering how are things now? Have they improved?

Boombox3000 · 20/03/2021 17:52

Hi @BearandaSpare it’s been a while but just wondering how are things now? Have they improved?

Saltedhero · 20/03/2021 22:10

Lockdown coronavirus has made things so tough hope things have improved op

Missusblusky1 · 31/05/2021 15:21

Hi bearandaspare, old thread I know but just wondered how you are doing now. How are things?

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