I’m sinking and nobody to turn to

[BearandaSpare]

This has been the worst year of my life, nothing to do with COVID. So much has happened and it’s left me completely broken, I’m struggling to get through every day and as the year goes on it just gets harder. I’m alone too much with nothing to fill the time other than thinking how badly I’ve messed up, I cry all the time and am so sick of fighting and trying to be positive. I’ve got no hope for a happy future and I can’t even turn to friends and family as everyone has their own problems thanks to this fucking virus.

Tomorrow speak with your GP, please.

Seriously see a counsellor, just having someone to talk to, something to leave the house for makes a huge difference.
I know this, as i'm in the same position as you, but slowly slowly coming out of it. Another thing that has helped me is painting and changing my bedroom so that i enjoy being in there, it lifts my spirits to have nice things to look at.. is that something that could help you?

How are you feeling today OP?

OP, do you have a faith? If so, please read Psalm 139, you can do this online if you have no Bible. It's a comforting Psalm, also Psalm 91 should lift your spirits. Sending best wishes

Hi OP. I just wanted to echo what everyone here has said. Please please please get some counselling. I too have had the worst 13 months of my life. I too am going through a divorce (amongst other shite!) and suffering with huge amount of guilt and regret for choosing to have kids with someone who ended up treating my appallingly. I hit rock bottom in August... I started counselling and I am now coping. I still have awful days, I still have bad days but I have some great days too and that's because of the skills I am learning at counselling. It's also incredibly powerful to have someone you dont know, who is a trained professional, that's it's okay to feel like this and to tell you that's it's not your fault. DM if you need to chat x

Hope you’re ok OP. How are you feeling today?

You are quite clearly depressed. Please speak to your GP and/or get some therapy. Depression usually needs some sort of intervention as it is very easy to spiral downwards quickly

Dear OP

Sorry to hear you are so down but you have reached for help and that’s a great thing.

Happy to talk if you like?

Cx

Thank you all, I went to work yesterday and I felt a bit better for getting out but then I drank too much last night, I hate coming home to a cold, dark, empty house.

Im trying to sell my house atm which doesn’t help with the stress levels 🤦🏻

Do speak to GP and get some help. I find distraction (eg some silly game on my phone or binge watching a tv series) can help when I am really stressed. Also, having some exercise and getting some endorphins going. Sending you good wishes.

Try not to self-medicate with drink. Alcohol is a depressant and inhibits happy hormones, so while it might seem good at the time to blot out how you're feeling, it makes it harder for you to feel good generally, makes the hole deeper to have to dig yourself out of, plus it tends to start a shame spiral with the "beer fear" the next day.

I like to dance (badly) to cheer myself up.

Please speak to your gp.

Do you have pets?

Hi OP how are you doing today?

It’s so nice of you to ask, I’m tired and hungover which doesn’t help, but my daughter is home tonight which is lovely.

No I don’t have pets, I’d like one again but as we may be moving it’s not practical right now.

Hope you are feeling better about things OP. Have you got anything planned with your daughter for this weekend? Maybe concentrating on the move will help you refocus and feel better about things. Perhaps throw your energy into planning colour schemes and where furniture and things will go to help keep your mind busy.

When you are feeling low it's good to plan for the future. When you are settled in your new place, you can think about getting a pet. That will be something lovely to look forward to. Step by step op

Hi op how’s things?

The move is not looking likely which is giving me added stress, I really need a fresh start but it doesn’t seem to be the right time.

I’ve had a bit of time with my daughter today which was lovely, unfortunately she could sense I was low and I ended up telling her how I’m feeling. I really didn’t want to as I know it will make her feel guilty for living her own life. I’m not her problem - my mum leaned on me a lot, still does at times, and I vowed I’d never do the same. But she’s not stupid and she cares about me, I can’t just hide everything.

I’ve realised I don’t like myself very much, my friends all think I’m the fun one but it’s not me at all and I dislike the way I come across. The loser who dumped me seemed to view me the same way - I was a drinking partner or a mate not an attractive adult. I feel like nobody takes me seriously, I’m always winging it and hiding behind jokes.

I think you sound brave to have negotiated what you have to date

Why is the move not looking likely?

It sounds as if you need a fresh start, or a change of scene at least. You sound very depressed OP, I think the suggestions on here about counselling may help especially with what you said about your mother.

It won’t do you good to wallow, time to do something about it before it affects you (and your daughter) even more.

Ignore all the negativity in your life and focus on what you can do to improve things, even if it’s just small steps, you’ll start feeling a lot better.

The house isn’t selling but even if it does I’m not sure where we’ll go - we live in an expensive area as we used to commute to London, ideally we’d move further away but my daughter needs to be here for her job and boyfriend. I’m a bit in limbo until she moves out - the last thing I’d do if wish away that time but it’s inevitable.

I don’t want to see my GP because they’ll just try and put me on medication. What would be the best way to find a counsellor privately? There seem to be loads and I don’t really know what I need or even if it’s what I want.

Medication isn't a bad thing as a short-term helping hand to lift you out of a downward spiral, and far better than self-medicating with alcohol. Your gp can also refer you on for counselling and you might as well be on the waiting list as not.

Do you have an employee assistance programme with your work at all? You might be able to access counselling that way.

Finding the right counsellor might take a few tries. Try a session with someone and if you feel comfortable with them, that's a start.

Dissatisfaction is the chrysalis for change op
Start by listing what is important for you to be happy. Short, medium and long term goals. Start a gratitude journal so you can start off with the smallest and most insignificant things that can bring you a smile.

The short term happiness goals might be just to crunch through autumn leaves or hug your daughter or tidy your bedside drawer.

Once you feel achievement from small successes you can move on to thinking about the step by step process to moving on to your medium and long term goals.

When you are feeling low, be kind to yourself and treat yourself as you would a wounded friend.

It's so easy to be self critical but that is actually a way of building walls and entrapping you into some sort of chrysalis.

But now it's time to start emerging from that chrysalis.

Think about the sort of conditions you need to emerge and blossom and work on those, even if it takes time and all your energy had been sapped.

Rest and re energise and start plotting a way out.

Good luck!

How are you doing today?

I feel a bit brighter knowing the lockdown is ending, least I can get out a bit more and see friends, my area seems ok so I’m hoping for a low tier.

I’m just trying to keep busy and positive - and off the alcohol 😳. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do and decisions to make but I feel like things came to a head a bit last week although I’m not quite sure how or why.

Thank you for thinking of me, some very kind people on this thread x