On the outside looking in....would this worry you? Is it me?

[Parlourpalm1966]

Dh and I, been together thirty years, married twenty eight.
Paid our mortgage off years ago, no children, thinking of retiring in five years.

Recently, I’ve noticed that apart from my pension and car tax, nothing is in my name. Even my mobile phone is in his name.

Bank statements are in his name, money goes in a joint account, though I have credit and debit cards.

I can access the bank online, but it now has third step verification, which means when I enter the details, I have to access his mobile phone for a verification code. No good if he is at work and I want to move money around.

We both have our own personal accounts which we pay money into monthly (personal expenditure).

All the household bills are in his name. I know the tv licensing bill used to be in mine ( moved over from a previous address where I used to live when I met him.), then his name got added. Now it’s just in his name.

I mentioned this in a conversation about the bills in his name, and he said “look on the bright side, it’s me that has to pay them then” (?🤷‍♀️).

We both work, and we are not in any debt.

But....what happens if we ever split up? Apart from the pension, it looks on paper that I don’t live here.

We haven’t been getting on of late, and I get it might be that that’s bothering me, but if nothing much seems to be in my name, could he throw me out, and claim I don’t live there?

@Parlourpalm1966

.....one more thing: If I have a MasterCard and debit card from that account which has the same sort code/ account number, then what’s that if not a joint account? It’s all going to get sorted one way or another.

He's given you permission to be a second account user.

It's not your account. Not in any way. You can't access it without his permission.

Your talk is going to be very eye-opening

It may sound brutal, but what if he drops dead or gets squished by an HGV tomorrow?

You have no way of accessing money, even your own salary.

You have no way of proving your identity.

You have no way of ensuring that any Death in Service, Insurance or other pay out is received. And you can't even open a bank account for it to be paid into.

Maybe that would be a more productive way of getting it across than 'what if you leave me?'.

All our bills are in my husbands name
My car is in his name too actually
We do have a joint account
I think it was just that I was a stay at home mum so it's just how we set it up
It doesn't bother me
We are mortgage free too ....two independent daughters.

It’s not a joint account or both your names would be on it, it’s his account and he allows
access to it. I’d be concerned he’s planning to leave and ensuring he has sole control of the finances.

UPDATE

I spoke to dh, and immediately he showed me our most recent statements (up to October 2020) for the account in question. My name is there with his on the account.

The log in is his part of it, which is why there is only his name on.
He says we did have a log in for me but we hadn’t used it for many years as there didn’t seem much point, so tomorrow we are ringing the bank to sort an updated log in for me.

Relief doesn’t come into it.

Thank you for all your help.

Phew what a relief!!

I just the dread hassle of one of us getting unexpectedly ill hence as much as possible in joint names especially house insurance!!

Great stuff OP

I would get a utility Bill though as it's just handy for other stuff

That's great news OP . Seriously though, don't let things slide: get fully up to speed on the family finances and get your ducks in a row, in the end it's you who looks after you.

I feel so awful doubting him 🙁.
I’m glad I’ve posted as it has taught me a lesson.
Keep up to date with finances, and don’t let things slide.

@emailadress

Great stuff OP

I would get a utility Bill though as it's just handy for other stuff

Good idea @emailadress.

@TiggerDatter

That's great news OP . Seriously though, don't let things slide: get fully up to speed on the family finances and get your ducks in a row, in the end it's you who looks after you.

Almost word for word there @TiggerDatter 🙂

With a joint bank account each person's card has a different 16 digit number. My DH and I (married similar length of time to you) have a joint account. He doesn't have online banking access because he long ago lost the details and he's not that interested as I'm the one who checks up on it. But if he needs to pay someone through online banking, I give him my login details(again and again!) and my bank card. If I'm going out when he intends to do this, I take his bank card and would use it contact less if I needed to.

Our credit card account belongs to me as I set it up decades ago! He has a second card on it. The 16 digit number is the same on both cards. If he loses it ( as he does from time to time - as do I occasionally) we both have to cut up our cards and wait for new ones.

We have cars in each of our names though mostly I drive "his" and he drives "mine".

But a lot of bills for our current house are in his name because he works from home and set them up originally.

TV licence is in mine as I owned my own house before we married and just changed the address.

Etc etc. Nothing suspicious about any of it, though at one time I encouraged him to get more things in his name to build up a credit record.

As for relationships going through bad patches during these strange times- yes ours is or rather, I have had the leisure to take a good hard look at it and wonder why I didn't think the same way before. Haven't cone to any decisions though......

Sorry missed your update!

@emailadress

Great stuff OP

I would get a utility Bill though as it's just handy for other stuff

I have found that I’m the proud owner of the electric bill 😂.

With a joint bank account each person's card has a different 16 digit number. Well, that’s right then seeing as it is a joint account. Thanks @Sundance2741

...and to all posters, thank you. I know you mean well. Our mortgage was in both names and the deeds are in both names. It seems I took my eye off the ball and had a bit of a wobble. I’m sure I’m not the only one in these testing times when problems become magnified.

Maybe now, or soon enough, dh and I can get back to how we were.

It’s a joint account as both wages go in it, but it’s in his name only.

That's his account, not joint. How much money do you actually have in joint name? Can you take half the money and put in your own account?

You need to have some utility bills in your name to ensure a good credit score. You also need a good amount of personal credit (credit card available credit - less than 10% utilisation, ideally) in order to really boost your score. That score is what will help you to start a new life if your needed to.

You're in a really precarious spot here.

@Parlourpalm1966

.....one more thing: If I have a MasterCard and debit card from that account which has the same sort code/ account number, then what’s that if not a joint account? It’s all going to get sorted one way or another.

That's also not a joint account. I don't believe you receive any of the benefit credit score wise either, as you aren't an account holder. He can simply switch this card off at will. Your phone too. Which I'm guessing he monitors.

You need your own credit accounts - I would start will a new phone on a monthly payment in your sole name.

Missed the update - that's good news OP. I would download a couple of credit score apps (experian does their own as a good place to start) and begin working on your own credit. Make sure you are well positioned should the worst happen (including being widowed). Do you have life insurance on him? Does he have life insurance on you? Who are your insurers of all kinds? Where are pensions held? Do you have phone-in permissions for all vital (including utility) accounts? Those are some things to think about.

@Parlourpalm1966

If the bank account is joint then I don’t understand why you would need his phone to use it, speak to the bank about fixing this as I suspect it is something really sinple like you aren’t properly registered for phone banking. If the bank account is only in his name but he lets you use it then that isn’t a joint account and you should discuss with him that you want a real joint account as you are not a child and don’t want to need his phone to access your own money.

This has only happened recently. I used to be able to log in with password username etc, until the third step verification came in.
This now involves every time I log in, the third security step sends a verification code to his mobile which is what I need to finish logging in.
It’s ok when he is here, he gives me the code that it sends to him, but it’s when he isn’t.
His parents are old fashioned/sexist funnily enough.

Just change the phone number op, or get him to, so you can access. Or set up a SO to fund a personal account. I have full control of everything even though a lot is in dh's name.

You have nothing to worry about as (if you are in the U.K.) the law entitles you to 50% of all assets.

The ages you are, it is time anyway to make sure you have wills, lasting power of attorney etc set up, and everything that is joint in joint names and stuff that isn't, not.
My Mum died last year and helping my stepDad sort out utilities, bank accounts, car insurance etc was really eye-opening. Mum was very organized and stuff was as it should be and it was still tricky sometimes!

Fluffy has a really good point. See it as retirement/worst case scenario planning, if you like.

He could die suddenly and you'd struggle to get organised.

Ask him to help you get build a credit history, record the information on accounts, passwords, assets somewhere you can find it if necessary (ours is on a file on the computer called something random).
Make sure your wills are as they should be.
Get PoA sorted out.

Tell him you appreciate all the household admin he does, and you hadn't realised.

This could be a really positive move!