Looking for similar experiences and advice after finding myself in a lovely but a bit confusing situation.
I separated from my DH some months ago and shorty afterwards met a man who had also recently separated. Our life circumstances and reasons behind the separation are completely different, but we clicked really quickly and became good friends, and were both an amazing support for the other in low moments.
Neither of us wants to start a relationship with one another, also for different reasons: I am very comfortable on my own and want to enjoy the single life, and may decide to travel/work overseas as soon as the COVID situation allows it. My new friend desperately wants to have children, and I don't (and are too old to change my mind anyway) so would not be a suitable long-term partner for him.
Our friendship soon became physical and we were delighted to find that we sexually get on like a house on fire. I honestly had never had sex like this before, so easy, and free, and wild. From the beginning we developed a trust and comfort with each other's bodies that would normally have taken me months (or years) to develop with previous sexual partners. At the same time we agree that we are both free and can have sex with other people, and that it is likely that at some time one of us (most likely him, as he is actively looking) will find a significant other, after which obviously the physical part of our friendship will have to end. We both hope that the new partner will be open minded and happy that we remain friends, however we also recognise that not every new partner is happy with their new love sharing friendships with previous lovers.
So in summary, an amazing friendship where we can be honest with one another, share anything about ourselves, we are both great listeners and have a lot of fun doing things together. Mind-blowing sex. And a connection like we have never had with anyone before.
Obviously what had to happen happened, and I found myself feeling more emotional than I should, especially after sessions in which there is a lot of kissing and cuddling, instead of just a quickie or a passionate fuck. I realised that half of the times I was not just having sex, but making love to him, and decided that I needed to let him know and stop the sex part, because I did not want to be jealous every time he talked to another woman thinking "this can be the one and I will he crushed".
I had a chat with him letting him know all this. He was very sad that I had decided to stop the physical part of our friendship but respected my decision... but revealed that he had been feeling the same way and had been having the same thoughts. I had made my decision to stop the physical side assuming that for him sex was just sex, and I was the only one starting to have feelings, however his admission has set me in turmoil.
Despite the feelings, I still very much do not want a relationship. Even though the friendship and connection are amazing, my FWB and I are very different people with different hobbies, things we like and ideas of how to live life. I am very happy on my own. And even if he was madly in love with me and wanted to be with me, I would not want to become the obstacle between him and having children, which I know is something he is pining for and would not be happy if he didn't achieve.
So basically I am now trying to decide whether to just continue just as friends - which is easier said than done, when you have a sexual connection like this... when we are close to each other you can almost feel the static electricity flowing and we both struggle to keep our hands from each other - and risk ending up not seeing each other at all to avoid awkwardness and temptation... or to say "fuck it!", and just enjoy what we have without any expectations, risking to be heartbroken if these feelings grow and eventually one of us leaves/meets someone else.
The ideal situation would be, for me, that we continue with things as they come (erm... excuse the pun), and eventually the sex may fizzle out, or perhaps we will both reach a point when we feel ready to move on. However, the risks that he meets someone and I get hurt (or the other way around) is playing heavily on my mind. After a recent separation, I really do not need another heartbreak.
So here we go MumsNetters, what advice can you give me? Do you have any experience with particularly intense "friends with benefits" experiences, how long did it last, how did it end, were any of the parts hurt? What would you do if you were me?
(we are both in our 40s and neither has children, by the way. And we live in a country where COVID is well controlled and we can do normal life with minimal restrictions, however international travel is obviously not an option for the foreseeable future)
Thank you so much for any contributions, they will be avidly read and processed no matter the content.