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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you do

42 replies

Bekindx · 15/11/2020 20:35

I am seeing this man a while now. I've known him through mutual friends for a few years now and I really fancied him. He contacted me and we hit it off and we have been spending time together and having a great time. After meeting a few times, he said he wanted to only date me and i said the same. I could tell he was getting feelings for me. He opened up about his past and trust issues. I opened up about mine. Now I am an honest person so I know he has nothing to worry about with me. Anyway yesterday I didn't hear much from him, until 10pm he rang and asked why I didn't ring or text. I did ring and text but he didn't reply. Then all these messages from him came in at once, so I assume his signal failed and that's why I got no messages. He now thinks I'm lying and he said I've ruined things, I've assured him that there's nothing fishy going on it was just a misunderstanding. He is having none of it and has been giving me the cold shoulder all day. I'm so confused. Any advice? I really like him.

OP posts:
Bunnymumy · 15/11/2020 20:41

Sorry op but he sounds nuts.

This may be a control tactic to get you to jump to his every whim. Think about it, if in a few days he comes back (maybe after you've apologised for no reason just to appease him) will you not be waiting for him to pull the same drama again? And be paranoid he would? Because I would be.

You dont want to get caught on his crazy merry go round. He isnt falling for you, he is conning you. Either that or his trust issues (pfffffft) are so bad that he shpuldnt be in any relationship yet.

Might be wise to read up on how to spot narcissists in dating. Just incase that's what he is. Cant harm to know the signs.

Bunnymumy · 15/11/2020 20:43

Ps: people who like you dont take hugs, blow hot and cold or refuse to talk through issues. But manipulators do.

Bunnymumy · 15/11/2020 20:43

*take huffs

KittenCalledBob · 15/11/2020 20:45

Wtf? He sounds nuts. Does he not believe you? And even if you just hadn't contacted him that day (nothing to do with phone problems), what's wrong with that?

user1843685313563 · 15/11/2020 20:48

Nope nope nope. Get rid. And next time don't share so much personal stuff so soon - it just hands manipulative people the keys to hurt you.

If someone is right for you there's no reason to rush.

Bunnymumy · 15/11/2020 20:48

Pp is right, why cant you go a day without talking to him? What right dies he have to call you up and berate you? For all he knows you could have forgot to charge the phone.

But if he cant take your reassurance that it was just a phone issue and has turned it into a drama and punishment exercise...sorry but he is barking mad.

Original poster
Bekindx · 15/11/2020 20:48

He said that everybody else could receive his messages all day except for me and he thinks I had him blocked Confused
He didn't accuse me of anything, but he implied that I was doing something sneaky and he wasn't going to be taken for a fool. 🙄

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 15/11/2020 20:52

He probably deliberately had his phone on aircraft mode and turned it round to blame you. Put on your running shoes and head for the hills.

Bunnymumy · 15/11/2020 20:52

So he wants you on the 'prove your innocence' merry go round.

Nope. Fuck that. If you start that nonsense now, you'll get trapped in the cycle.

He isnt a good un op. Sorry :(
But get rid. Even if he backtracks. Which he probably will when he realises you arent jumping to his tune by groveling.

Mistystar99 · 15/11/2020 20:54

Been there, done that, did not end well.
It is actually worse if you do really like him, you'll be dancing like his marionette soon.
Ditch, or stand up to him robustly.

gamerchick · 15/11/2020 20:57

Tell him to get back on touch when hes over his strop. Draw a clear boundary or this will keep happening.

Raidblunner · 15/11/2020 21:01

Tell him to grow up for fucks sake. Until he can get over himself leave him be. If he can't bolocks to him and find a real man!

Original poster
Bekindx · 15/11/2020 21:25

He is 10 years older than me (he's 36) so I don't understand why he can't just talk it out and I did quite a bit of grovelling but he didn't want to hear it. It's a pity because the connection we have is great.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 15/11/2020 21:27

Stop grovelling, that's what he wants!

Heatherjayne1972 · 15/11/2020 21:31

No no no. This is not good op. I’d ditch him for having a go at me

Honeyroar · 15/11/2020 21:32

You had no need to grovel. You should have told him you’re not impressed that he’s pretty much called you a liar and is now sulking when you’ve tried to talk to him. Tell him to grow the hell up, you thought you were going out with someone older and mature, not a kid.

widespreadpanic · 15/11/2020 21:35

He has trust issues or something going on. Been there done that. This won’t change. Kick him to the curb.

pictish · 15/11/2020 21:35

Sounds like a needy, demanding, paranoid, sulky pain in the arse.

This is what he’s like. This is how it will be. The choice is yours.

Bunnymumy · 15/11/2020 21:51

I'd bet that he'll pretend to 'forgive' you in a few days as a test to see if you'll take him back without calling him out on his shit. Then he'll know he has you conned.

Block his number op, he is a right head fucker.

pictish · 15/11/2020 21:59

Do you think it’s reasonable to ‘grovel’ over this? You know it’s not...so why are you? Think about it. Who’s got the problem here? Why are you diminishing yourself to indulge him?

“How dare you behave like this.” would have been a more honest and appropriate response.

Dery · 15/11/2020 22:09

“Do you think it’s reasonable to ‘grovel’ over this? You know it’s not...so why are you? Think about it. Who’s got the problem here? Why are you diminishing yourself to indulge him?

“How dare you behave like this.” would have been a more honest and appropriate response”

This with bells on. Perhaps he’s single at 36 because he has emotionally abusive tendencies and likes to use “trust issues” to control his girlfriends. Certainly looks that way.

CodenameVillanelle · 15/11/2020 22:12

"Trust issues" Hmm
So he's a jealous, paranoid, controlling dick. Time to bin.

KittenCalledBob · 15/11/2020 22:15

OP, remember you have done NOTHING wrong.

letsmakethishappen · 15/11/2020 22:22

Does his name starts with J by any chance sounds like my twat ex... it didn’t last long

willowmelangell · 15/11/2020 22:24

Block and run. This brings back horrible memories. Tying myself in knots trying to prove I was telling the truth.
At least he has shown his colours early on.