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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He did cheat on me

32 replies

Leanne1191 · 12/11/2020 16:04

Hello everyone!

I was on here back in July because my husband come back weird from working away for 11 days, I can confirm 3 weeks ago I found out he had cheated while working away with the resort manager and was still seeing her when he come back home too me.

Just want to thank you all for your support back then, even if I was naive and stupid to not believe it in the first place.

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 12/11/2020 16:07

Sorry OP, but it's better to know for sure than think you're going mad and being paranoid.

Leanne1191 · 12/11/2020 16:12

@TwentyViginti

Sorry OP, but it's better to know for sure than think you're going mad and being paranoid.
I know. His loss. Original post 10th July.

So yesterday my husband told me he's had enough and hasn't wanted to be at home, basically told me he's not happy, I asked why what was wrong he told me he don't know he's just had enough and can't be bothered anymore, I've asked him to try and explain why he's not happy and what's made him feel this way but he just says I don't know I don't know, he says he's still inlove with me and that I know he loves me, he started opening up a bit after a while and said he knows I don't trust him, but that's because of previous behaviour from him for example liking other woman's photos on Facebook and putting love heart eye emoji on them and he's messaged girls behind my back, he has read my iPad, now my iPad has notes that I write in when I'm feeling low and down, I suffer with depression and anxiety and in 2017 I had a breakdown, he was so good took time of work looked after me and the kids as we have three (we have been together for 8 years) (married for 6 months) but anyway because of that bad time I write all my feelings down so the date and what has triggered me feeling pants etc and he's gone through it behind my back and looked and there are a few times where I've had a rant about him and said stuff like he's such a prick he don't care he has made it all worse etc not that I mean anything by it because it's how I'm feeling for godsake and it was meant to be private but he told me that's one of the reasons and the other is because I apparently always moan about him and I'm always saying when you home from work, what time will you be home, when do you finish etc etc which I've always done it's not a recent new thing, I said do you want to work things out he said I don't know I've said do you want to have a break he said I don't know I said do you want to be with me he said I don't know, he won't give me a straight answer, he worked away for 11 days and before then everything was fine he's come back and he's been distant with me he's ignoring my messages and calls he's not being affectionate and he's just not the same person. He always hugged and kissed me and we always text each other 20-30 times a day even when he's at work he always answered all my calls but now he doesn't and he started doing that when he went away, I'm so confused about everything because we don't row, I've never cheated on him and he has said he never has on me, I'm a good mum and kids are happy, clean and fed. I don't get why he's all of a sudden said this it's completely out of the blue and Wednesday he told me we would talk when he was home from work but he stayed at his aunties the night and the day before that he was at his aunties when he told me he was working, he said he's been feeling like this for weeks but I've gone through all the messages leading up to that week that he went away and it's just the same as we've always been, I'm heart broken, confused and gutted. He will not tell me what he wants to do he won't give me answers and I wanna know what is wrong and why he feels like this but he won't tell me, he has never been like this ever not in all the 8 years we've been together, we recently got married on December 27th 2019 and have been fine, up until he went to work away for 11 days, he has said it's not because he's met anyone else, it's not because he wants the single life, it's not because he wants to play the field, it's not because he's coming up to 30 and is having a weird phase and it's not because of the lockdown that we've had either? I said about seeing a couples counsellor and he said we don't need that, I've said loads and loads but he just says I don't know, I don't know to anything I ask, anyone for any advice because I've been a wreck the past 4 days I've been worried and I've been crying not eating and not sleeping? He told his auntie that he's not eating or sleeping properly I've asked if he feels down and is feeling low he said I'm not depressed, when he was away he hardly messaged me or called me and I got angry we had an argument because of him ignoring me and stuff and I said things to him in anger and I've apologised for it and told him I didn't mean it too, I'm going out of my mind because I don't know what to do!!!! I'm gutted absolutely gutted 😢

OP posts:
BumBurnerBum · 12/11/2020 16:15

Sorry to hear that op. It happens all the time. How did you discover the truth and, more importantly, what will you do?

FippertyGibbett · 12/11/2020 16:19

It would have saved a lot of heartache if he’d just told the truth in the first place. What an utter bastard.
Good luck for your future 💐

Bathbrush · 12/11/2020 16:28

Sorry you are having to go through this. How are you coping?

Leanne1191 · 12/11/2020 17:03

@BumBurnerBum

Sorry to hear that op. It happens all the time. How did you discover the truth and, more importantly, what will you do?
We're done. I'm not tolerating cheating, he's ruined us for no reason. His loss.
OP posts:
Leanne1191 · 12/11/2020 17:04

@Bathbrush

Sorry you are having to go through this. How are you coping?
Was a wreck. He's been so vile too, no remorse no sorry no nothing. I'm having good days and bad days, more anger than anything you know.
OP posts:
pickingdaisies · 12/11/2020 17:08

Oh OP I'm sorry he's done this to you. But it's so good to see that backbone of steel you've got, wishing you lots of strength to get through the next rubbish bit before things start to get better. Which they will.

litterbird · 12/11/2020 17:17

Its not for him to give you "I don't know" answers, its for you to do a 180 and tell him to go and never come back.

Badwill · 12/11/2020 17:36

I'm so sorry OP what a horrible prick! Well done for being so strong though. Anger at this stage is probably very healthy and will ensure you don't waver and take him back. You deserve much, much better Flowers

Muchadoaboutlife · 12/11/2020 17:53

How did you finally find out? What a prick. Is he still seeing her? Disgusting

GameSetMatch · 12/11/2020 17:59

I’m in awe of you having the strength to leave!

Onthedunes · 12/11/2020 18:07

What a piece of shit Angry

Do men honestly think by lying, gaslighting and avoiding telling truths that women will just feel better given time.

It always makes things a 100 times worse.

supersop60 · 12/11/2020 18:24

Anger can be very empowering. It will get you through this.

tryingnot · 12/11/2020 19:19

I've just read your previous posts OP.
What an absolute arsehole!!!
All this heartache when he could have told you the truth at the start!

Good for you for not letting him creep his way back in!!

It all sounds just like The Script, I wonder if men of a certain age who are dicks, get sent The Script Hmm

Leanne1191 · 12/11/2020 20:54

@FippertyGibbett

It would have saved a lot of heartache if he’d just told the truth in the first place. What an utter bastard. Good luck for your future 💐
Yeah tell me about it! I asked him soo many times if there was someone else if he had cheated and he kept telling me no! I found out because someone he trusts told me, he would never had told me.
OP posts:
Leanne1191 · 12/11/2020 20:56

@Badwill

I'm so sorry OP what a horrible prick! Well done for being so strong though. Anger at this stage is probably very healthy and will ensure you don't waver and take him back. You deserve much, much better Flowers
Anger is just madness at the moment. We have three children and he's being such an ass about things and vile because he got caught out. He reckons he fell for her and she was worth it, that's what he told me! He's also told me to move on which is what I'm doing the man is heartless and a disgrace!
OP posts:
Leanne1191 · 12/11/2020 20:57

@Muchadoaboutlife

How did you finally find out? What a prick. Is he still seeing her? Disgusting
No he's not seeing her I ruined that because he told me he had fell for her and she was worth it but was still sleeping with me and another woman behind her back when they were still seeing each other! I got told by someone he trusted lol! He would never had told me himself.
OP posts:
Leanne1191 · 12/11/2020 20:58

@tryingnot

I've just read your previous posts OP. What an absolute arsehole!!! All this heartache when he could have told you the truth at the start!

Good for you for not letting him creep his way back in!!

It all sounds just like The Script, I wonder if men of a certain age who are dicks, get sent The Script Hmm

100% gave me the script! He will end up a very lonely man.
OP posts:
Leanne1191 · 12/11/2020 20:59

@GameSetMatch

I’m in awe of you having the strength to leave!
I felt it was me and I was going crazy! I knew something was not right and I knew there was more to this than he was letting on but made me think I was paranoid and mad! I've got the strength from realising I wasn't mad and he's a very sick vile piece of shit!
OP posts:
Leanne1191 · 12/11/2020 21:00

@supersop60

Anger can be very empowering. It will get you through this.
It's getting me there! I'm getting stronger everyday!
OP posts:
whataday12 · 12/11/2020 23:31

Oh my god op I commented in your thread back then . I hope your ok ❤️ I know it may not seem like it at all now but everything will get better for you now . What a twat x

beenwhereyouare · 13/11/2020 00:07

So sorry; it sounded bad at the time but I hoped for your and the children's sake it was something else.

I may have missed it, but please get an STI check as soon as possible. And what a shit he is that he's not remorseful!

Bathbrush · 13/11/2020 06:57

I’m glad you kicked him out, that shows so much strength from you. He’s a total prick and you deserve so much better.

Weenurse · 13/11/2020 07:06

“Still sleeping with me and another woman” get yourself an STI check if not done so already.
Also flowers or chocolate for whoever it was that told you.
Has he gone from the home?

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