Love-bites, I’m not sure what to think at my age of 37.

[Lovingthemanhair]

So I have just started seeing this guy and I noticed he had given me a faint love bite, to which I said I’m not really keen as I have a young daughter and a job where I don’t want it to be seen.

Also I’m like 37 not a teenager anymore.

Anyway, after the heat of the moment when I was too relaxed to really protest he has given me a bloody proper one, in a place that can’t really be seen. He said he thought of it as a bit of a challenge..... no one but me and him would see, although my daughter will when I undress......what am I to think???

That he’s immature?

Never mind that theyre tacky & vile.

What does 'Challenge' mean? I know you said you didn't like it, but I'm bigger & going to prove I can do it anyway?

I'd hate that.

Urgh,.

Love bites were stupid as teenagers. Monkey-style territory marking. He's a twit.

At least it can't be easily seen! A guy I was once seeing gave a big one on my neck at age 39 unknowingly until the next day, never been so embarrassed the next day at the hairdressers with it glaring in the mirror, so vile and still cringe about it.

Can you cover it up with clothing when your daughter is around?

Yuck.
He sounds like a knob. A challenge? Wtf.

I can understand them happening accidentally, they do for me occasionally as I bruise ridiculously easily. I just cover them up with make up and it’s it an issue. I’d be really pissed off if he was going out of his way to give you one though, especially as you’d already asked him not to.

Well he's done something you specifically asked him not to. Are you OK with this? I'd be wondering what other liberties he might take tbh. Men who don't respect boundaries are bad news.

Well he hasn't respected what you said has he? So that's not great.

He is bit of a knob doing it as a challenge though, it hasn't taken your thoughts into consideration.

Big red flag
Challenge comment gives me the chills
He is marking his territory and disrespecting your boundaries

I am ok but not really ok in that I don’t want it happening again as I don’t want my daughter really seeing it, that’s at the front of my mind, she is only 5. She doesn’t know about him and won’t for a while, if at all if it continues down this line.
He isn’t being mean or forceful, he is a little immature and I am a little older then him so it’s showing his age I think. I do like his silliness but maybe not this part.

Fuck that, he did it after you told him you were uncomfortable with the first one.

He’s got no respect for you, I’d ditch him. It sounds like he’s marking his territory to make you feel like you’re “his” especially with the “challenge” nonsense.

I'm sorry but you told him not to do it, so he did it even more

He said I thought you’d agreed, I was agreeing to something else and he said he thought I said yes to it, after saying no before.

My ex would do things like that. If I said no to something he would see it a as a 'challenge ' to do it to me. Probably as a way to make me realise he had the power. Massive red flag on my opinion.

Why give me a love bite? I asked why and just got dunno, why do men do it? I’ve not had one for maybe 15 years.

How did he manage that without you noticing?

He's showing you that your boundaries mean nothing to him, and he sees it as a challenge to push them and see how much you'll let him get away with. Massive red flag. 'Don't do that' means just what it implies, it's not something to 'challenge'.

He said he thought of it as a bit of a challenge

That's a total red flag to me. You told him you didn't like something and rather than accepting that he took it as a challenge and actively chose to go against what you'd told him you were comfortable with.

Love bites as a thing, meh, each to their own, but he's already pushing boundaries and that's not alright. No matter what the PUAs say, no isn't the starting point for negotiation.

Yes I was quite clear that I don’t want to walk around with them on show. Maybe I wasn’t clear enough as he did it not somewhere visible with clothes on, perhaps I wasn’t clear enough that I didn’t want them at all. He did it at a time where I was busy lol!

@GeidiPrimes

Well he's done something you specifically asked him not to. Are you OK with this? I'd be wondering what other liberties he might take tbh. Men who don't respect boundaries are bad news.

This. Also it's a way to mark his 'territory'.

@BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs

He said he thought of it as a bit of a challenge

That's a total red flag to me. You told him you didn't like something and rather than accepting that he took it as a challenge and actively chose to go against what you'd told him you were comfortable with.

Love bites as a thing, meh, each to their own, but he's already pushing boundaries and that's not alright. No matter what the PUAs say, no isn't the starting point for negotiation.

And this .

@Lovingthemanhair

Yes I was quite clear that I don’t want to walk around with them on show. Maybe I wasn’t clear enough as he did it not somewhere visible with clothes on, perhaps I wasn’t clear enough that I didn’t want them at all. He did it at a time where I was busy lol!

But regardless of whether you were clear or not, his wording of it.. seeing it as a challenge, is still a red flag imo. I don't want to project but it's hard not to share a similar experience. My exh was fond of turning things I'd said no to into a challenge to see how far he could push those boundaries. He was fond of testing me too, but I wouldn't be aware it was a test until I either passed or failed it. I'm not saying your bf is like that btw, but to me there are some red flags here

@WanderlustWitch

He's showing you that your boundaries mean nothing to him, and he sees it as a challenge to push them and see how much you'll let him get away with. Massive red flag. 'Don't do that' means just what it implies, it's not something to 'challenge'.

Agreed. When it comes to sex, boundries should not be pushed.