He messaged me.

[Magicpaint]

Hi everyone.

My ex broke up with me 8 months ago.
I was devastated and still have not recovered. I have not heard from him and I have not messaged him for about six months.
It was my birthday the other day and he was the first person to message me happy birthday.
I know I shouldn't read much in to it. But he knows how distraught and broken I was. Why didn't he just leave me alone? Was he just dipping his toes in the water? Or was he just trying to be friendly?

This is horrible and happened to me I know exactly how you feel. You're just getting over it and becoming happy and they think they can walk in and fuck it all up. Absolutely not. Don't fall for it as I did. 😆

@hananasa
Why did your ex do it? Did he want you back?

He did yes. He texted me out of the blue saying 'Are you happy' and I broke down. I was happy however convinced myself I wasn't because he texted me but before that I was fine. It's cruel of them to do as you're just getting over things.

It's so selfish of people to do this after so long. This is why I think after a break up if there aren't children involved it's best to block someone rather than relying on just not messaging each other. Poor you, sorry he's unsettled you whether or not his intentions were good or not

It really is. I don't think he will message again but i just don't understand why he did it. Maybe he was just trying to be civil and I'm reading to much in to it because I'm not over him yet...

@closetalker This is it. Just stirs up emotions again

In your situation I would completely ignore that message. Maybe even block him. That way he can't do this to you again.

It's called breadcrumbing, and it's very deliberate. Ignore the prick.

You need to take control and stop allowing him to fuck you about like this. Block him on everything and be done with it.

@Aquamarine1029 Think your absolutely right. Going to block him.

Maybe he wants to be friends. But this isn't about him: you're not in a relationship of any kind with him, so what he wants doesn't matter. Do you want to be friends? It doesn't sound like you're emotionally in a place for that to happen, so block him so he can't make contact and upset you again. You're the important person here. Your feelings matter.

@rainkeepsfallingdown I would love to be friends with him if it were friends like frequent conversations. But tbh I'm not in that place yet. He must know this.

I’m an ex who text my GF after 18 months of NC. We met each other in school and I ended the relationship after going to Uni- I was a complete dick.

Realised my mistake a year later but took 6 months to pluck up the courage to text her out of the blue!

To cut a long story short, she responded and we have now been married for 13 years with two DC.

Don’t answer him just block him.
Don’t attempt to be friends with an ex.

But tbh I'm not in that place yet. He must know this.

Not necessarily. Yes he could be playing with your mind but he could also think you've moved on after 8 months and it was a 'no hard feelings' message.

@KatherineJaneway

But tbh I'm not in that place yet. He must know this.

Not necessarily. Yes he could be playing with your mind but he could also think you've moved on after 8 months and it was a 'no hard feelings' message.

This. Until you're ready, cut off all avenues of contact. He doesn't know your state of mind.

If you're never ready, that's fine too.

None of us know why he messaged you. You need to take control of the situation and do what's best for you. You could message him back and ask why he got in touch, but the more sensible option would be that, if you are not over him yet, block him and try to forget he messaged you.

As an aside, I have a friend in a similar situation except when the first lockdown started her ex started messaging her (probably through boredom or wanting the ego boost that she still liked him). My friend is now stuck in some sort of weird 'friendship' with the ex where they speak regularly but he doesn't want to be any more than friends whilst she cant get over him because he is still around but she thinks any contact is better than none. It's really not good for her mental health and I'm not sure how she is ever going to get over him if things continue the way they are.

I feel really bad now....I split up with a boyfriend and continued to send him a message on his birthday.. I thought I was just being kind.

[quote Magicpaint]@rainkeepsfallingdown I would love to be friends with him if it were friends like frequent conversations. But tbh I'm not in that place yet. He must know this.[/quote]
Why would he know you were not ready? It's been 8 months. It's your birthday. Perhaps (and I know this is going against 80%) of MN who will insist he's a narcissist, breadcrumbing, doing it intentionally to control you etc) just perhaps, he wanted to wish you a happy birthday. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Block him please for your own well - being.
Happy birthday.😃

I think @Goatinthegarden has it. To be fair to your ex, ignoring you on your birthday would also have been a statement. Take it as something that he felt he should do - there’s a big gap between saying happy birthday to someone and spending your life with them. He might also want you to reply “thank you” so he can tell himself you’re ok. But you’re not. Ignore the message, accept that this is a setback, block him if you feel able to, and be kind to yourself

It may be just a genuine happy birthday. A few months ago he asked a friend of mine how I was? He said he wanted to contact me. My friend said if you want to get back with her then do it. Otherwise leave her alone. He didn't contact me until my birthday. Maybe he was just being nice but I'm not there. I changed my privacy settings on WhatsApp etc to my contacts and deleted his number so he couldn't see anything. But maybe I will re add his number and just block him. The trouble is I'm always tempted to unblock. Maybe change my number altogether...

It's funny. MN will tell us that men are simple creatures, who don't read too much into anything, whilst , at the same time, telling us that their every action is deliberate and malignant.

I suspect he probably thought you'd be over it after 8 months and agree it was probably just a well intentioned "no hard feelings, I haven't forgotten you existed" message. He may well have agonized over whether to send it or not - not send and look rude, send and look interested?

Put another way, if he hadn't sent it, would you have been on here wondering why he hadn't even wished you a happy birthday? After all, it takes no time to send someone a quickessage letting them know you're thinking of them - and I've seen a few posts on here asking just that.

I can honestly say if he hadn't, it would have been closure for me.
I was 95% sure he wasn't going to. But as the day got closer my gut was telling me he was going to.
I do love him but I have accepted it that we won't be together. Its very hard but I'm at the last stages of getting over it. Which is why I'm surprised he did. I do agree I think he wondered whether to or not.

I messaged someone around 6 months after a break up. He instigated the break up, but I was the one to cut all contact and move on. I messaged because I was full of the joys of Christmas, was having a lovely time and had an overwhelmingly urge to wish him well. He responded civily and that was nice. But that was it. I shouldn't have done it, but he was a good person and I regretted not trying to stay friends, as our pool of good friends diminishes over the years. If I were you, I'd just ignore it or say thanks. Assuming the reasons for the split were valid (cheating etc).