He messaged me.

[Magicpaint]

Hi everyone.

My ex broke up with me 8 months ago.
I was devastated and still have not recovered. I have not heard from him and I have not messaged him for about six months.
It was my birthday the other day and he was the first person to message me happy birthday.
I know I shouldn't read much in to it. But he knows how distraught and broken I was. Why didn't he just leave me alone? Was he just dipping his toes in the water? Or was he just trying to be friendly?

My ex did this to me and sent a huge bunch of lilies. I put them in the bin a day later as the smell and thought of him upset me too much. I now cannot stand the smell of lilies!

I suspect he sent them to be a nice guy and ease his guilty conscience about ending things but it really wasn’t helpful to me at all.

But tbh I'm not in that place yet. He must know this.

Maybe, just maybe, he doesn't think too much about how his actions impact on you. Maybe he just does whatever he wants to do regardless of the impact on you. Maybe he wanted to be the 'nice guy' who wished you happy birthday with no care for this it would impact you.

Block. Ignore. Delete.

Life will start to get better, even if only very slowly.

Its horrible when you love someone and its not the same for them. I would delete the message as you tend re read it and hang on things. Took me 5 years to get over someone. You really have to remove all trace of them.

OP states that she was 'devastated' after the breakup, and that he knew she was 'distraught and broken'. Only an extremely selfish person inserts themselves back into the life of someone they know they caused significant pain to and who is trying to move on from them. Please can people stop encouraging the OP to tolerate this, it is not healthy and will not help her recover.

Probably all about his ego. He doesn't want you to have a day that is all about you. Where you are happily not thinking about him. So he has to insert himself somehow.

That's assuming he is a prick. Which tbh it sounds like he is based on how cut up he left you and the fact that you just dont avoid someone completely and then text them on their bday months and months later. He is not a friend to you.

Might be worth googling 'narcissist hoovering' (when narcissists and similar make attempts to win you back, often just to ditch you again).

Block him..and tell your friend not to relay to him anything about you. That was him trying to find out if you were still obsessing over him.

Maybe say to yourself 'it was a goodwill happy birthday message'. He's showing that he once thought a lot of money and didn't want to ignore my birthday. But that's it. You can respond with 'thanks', or not respond, depending on what caused the breakup and how amicable it was.
This time next year let's hope that you hardly remember his name and couldn't care less about him.

Happy Birthday OP

I would simply respond with ‘thank you, I hope you’re well’. And then shut it down in your head otherwise it will consume your precious time.

My concern is this has got your hopes up and if they are dashed it will set your recovery back.

It is entirely up to you but do what is best for you at this time.

Block him and move on.

But tbh I'm not in that place yet. He must know this.

Some people have absolutely no imagination whatsoever - they cannot put themselves in another's shoes. Doesn't even occur to them to do so. He split up with you and he's happy, he's moved on. If he's happy, well, you must be by now, surely? No? Oh. That's a bit awkward.

So if he's not breadcrumbing you, then he's just being thick.

The cynic in me says he may have been testing the waters for a bunk up.

But even if he genuinely thought, after 6 months with no contact, that you'd be over it and was just being polite - it's upset you, so no matter his intentions, just block him so it won't happen again.

Take care OP 🌸

The break up was pretty bad. We were living together and during Covid lockdown decided he didn't want it anymore. I begged on my hands and knees (god almighty) sobbed all night long.

Just going to ignore, block and do my best to move on

@Magicpaint

Just going to ignore, block and do my best to move on

Good idea It's really hard going but for the best.