Worried about paternity!

[Paternityworries]

Hi, new here x

Im currently 11 weeks pregnant and my sonographer mentioned that 2 weeks are added to the gestational period so I would’ve conceived 9 weeks ago or so, which surprised me a lot as I thought the ultrasound was the age of the pregnancy and not like the LMP calculation which also adds 2 weeks.

Previous to the dating scan I was going off LMP which indicated I was about 14 weeks as the last period I recall was in aug, I have a regular partner (ups/withdrawal but he sometimes slips up) who I then informed after this as the dates were perfectly fine and we’ve told our families etc.

the new dates are unfortunately a bit iffy, we broke up and I slept with someone else a few days after, (ONS) we used condoms and there was no foreplay/ there’s very little possibility that I came into contact with his sperm, I thoroughly checked both condoms (tied them and checked for leaks) but the dates are just close enough that I have a slight doubt, whilst I’m sure that it was perfect use (I’m pedantic when using condoms)

In hindsight, I think I began experiencing symptoms just before I’d had the ONS as I had extreme fatigue the week before that continued and is only now lifting which I’m assuming is related to my pregnancy as I’m not anaemic or deficient in anything.

Additionally, my periods are usually very regular, I remember mentioning that I felt PMS-y about 2 weeks before I appear to have conceived but no period came, is it possible that the fertilisation process had began and interrupted my period before it began but took a while to implant?

I’m not being naive, I’ve tried to research this a lot but it’s confusing as the first 2 weeks seem to be added but I don’t understand whether this is the time given for conception etc or if it’s simply medically added.

Finally, the exact date of conception I can work out from my EDD (consistent w scans + blood work) puts the ONS two days too late but of course this isn’t the most reliable info, just additional.

please don’t judge me as I am simply trying to do what’s best at the moment but i understand completely that in the worst case scenario I’ll get a dna test after the baby is born, I’m just thinking about the liklihood as a prenatal test is way too expensive, I just need a little bit of guidance.

Much appreciated

Hi, hope you're OK. It is all a bit confusing!

So you are 11 weeks by the scan and 14 weeks by lmp?
What was the date of your lmp and what was the date of your positive test?

If the scan showed that you're 11 weeks, then yes you would have conceived about 9 weeks ago (about 2 weeks after your lmp). You were perhaps just having a longer cycle than usual so it's possible your lpm was longer than 2 weeks before that but that doesn't matter in the medical sense.

How many days between intercourse with the 2 men? If there was only a few days between it'll be hard to work out who the father is unless you know exactly when you ovulated.

If you know the date on conception based on your scan, then it being 2 days out doesn't really matter.

Hope that makes sense!

@Ellovera2

Hi, hope you're OK. It is all a bit confusing!

So you are 11 weeks by the scan and 14 weeks by lmp?
What was the date of your lmp and what was the date of your positive test?

If the scan showed that you're 11 weeks, then yes you would have conceived about 9 weeks ago (about 2 weeks after your lmp). You were perhaps just having a longer cycle than usual so it's possible your lpm was longer than 2 weeks before that but that doesn't matter in the medical sense.

How many days between intercourse with the 2 men? If there was only a few days between it'll be hard to work out who the father is unless you know exactly when you ovulated.

If you know the date on conception based on your scan, then it being 2 days out doesn't really matter.

Hope that makes sense!

Thanks, I’m okay, I just feel awful, I wouldn’t have told him if I knew that there was a chance it wasn’t his :/

Lmp was 10th August- I had some light bleeding later in august but it wasn’t enough to be a period and hadn’t had a period since but was expecting one around beginning of sept

The partner I regularly sleep with I had slept with a few times at the start of September and regularly throughout aug.
There’s about a 4 day gap between the last time I slept w him and the new person (16th sept)

The thing I was thinking was if it had been the second & last person I would’ve had my period before I’d slept with him but the regular partner’s sperm could’ve been in me at any point as it can survive up to 5 days? And as I used a condom with the other partner only a tiny amount of sperm could’ve entered me if any???

The estimate is based on the dating of the scan which would mean I’d likely have conceived on the 14th when I last had sex with the regular partner

that felt like I was rambling on, I hope that makes sense xx

I think if there is only 4 days between each, trying to work it out on dates is going to be neigh on impossible. However, if you were having unprotected sex with one and had protected sex with the other, the odds are very slim that the ONS is the father. Hope that puts your mind at rest OP, I can fully understand why you're worried.

@edwinbear

I think if there is only 4 days between each, trying to work it out on dates is going to be neigh on impossible. However, if you were having unprotected sex with one and had protected sex with the other, the odds are very slim that the ONS is the father. Hope that puts your mind at rest OP, I can fully understand why you're worried.

Yeah it’s too close to call off just the dates I think but that does help a bit, it’s much more likely to be the regular partner I guess? Appreciate your help x

I also think that light bleeding you had in August was an implantation bleed, so I reckon you were pregnant before you slept with ONS.

I thought so too, another reason I just presumed that the ONS didn’t have any chance but the scan date is what’s thrown me off completely, could it possibly be off? I’m confused as to whether i could’ve conceived and it took some time to implant as I have never had a cycle longer than 29 days. I was considering maybe getting a private scan to confirm the actual age of the pregnancy/ conception date

If you are 9 weeks from conception, that means you conceived around 7 September, manly days leading up to that most likely. Given you used protection with the ONS, and he was much later - on 16th Sep, I deduce, it can't be him.

I think the date on the scan might be off. Light period does sound like an implantation bleed.

Have you spoken with your doctor or midwife about it?

I have a biological sciences background and the only thing in your case that will confirm paternity is a DNA test when the baby is born and you need to do it regardless. It would be utterly wrong and immoral if you've not been open with your partner that this child may not be his. Your child also needs to know who their true father is and not live their life based on a lie or uncertainty. There are various ways in routine healthcare that children (and sometimes "fathers") accidentally find out about paternity lies so don't assume you're getting away with it if you choose to conceal it. Dont faff with "likelihoods" - this is critical life changing information for both your child and boyfriend and must not be swept under the carpet.

@beenwhereyouare

I think the date on the scan might be off. Light period does sound like an implantation bleed.

Have you spoken with your doctor or midwife about it?

I think I may have to fork out for a prenatal paternity test as the midwife I spoke to is insistent I must’ve ovulated on the 13th, whilst it’s unlikely it’s still close :/

@LilyWater

I have a biological sciences background and the only thing in your case that will confirm paternity is a DNA test when the baby is born and you need to do it regardless. It would be utterly wrong and immoral if you've not been open with your partner that this child may not be his. Your child also needs to know who their true father is and not live their life based on a lie or uncertainty. There are various ways in routine healthcare that children (and sometimes "fathers") accidentally find out about paternity lies so don't assume you're getting away with it if you choose to conceal it. Dont faff with "likelihoods" - this is critical life changing information for both your child and boyfriend and must not be swept under the carpet.

If you perhaps wanted to be less judgmental in reading my question, I want to know for my own peace of mind right now how likely it is that either one is the father, I intend to get a paternity test once it’s born unless there is some new information that comes up. I was asking simply for advice and not an opinion or judgement

@LilyWater

I have a biological sciences background and the only thing in your case that will confirm paternity is a DNA test when the baby is born and you need to do it regardless. It would be utterly wrong and immoral if you've not been open with your partner that this child may not be his. Your child also needs to know who their true father is and not live their life based on a lie or uncertainty. There are various ways in routine healthcare that children (and sometimes "fathers") accidentally find out about paternity lies so don't assume you're getting away with it if you choose to conceal it. Dont faff with "likelihoods" - this is critical life changing information for both your child and boyfriend and must not be swept under the carpet.

What a stupid and pointless post! Nowhere at all does it say, imply or suggest that OP was going to conceal any information from anyone or try and guess based on likelihood.

OP sorry you’re going through this. In your shoes id have a private scan in another few weeks to see if it changes the gestation dates.

Update- i spoke to midwife, she is convinced of the date I conceived and the egg wouldn’t have survived until the ONS, will look at prenatal testing if I get the funds to do so

@Smallsteps88 thank you! It was never a case of deception, I simply wanted to try to work it out a bit x

If you repeatedly slept with your boyfriend not using contraception, then I’d expect he’s the father 99.9% It’d be extremely unlikely to conceive with the other guy on a one night stand using condoms carefully.

The dates based on scans aren’t completely accurate as embryos develop at slightly different rates. I had an IVF ICSI baby so timings known down to the hour but the 12-week scan was a few days off the chronological age.

I too know my scan dates for DC2 were wrong. I know that because I knew exactly the date she was conceived, because I’d only had sex once in about 6 months. Lo and behold, she was born according to my dates rather than the scan dates. So they can be off OP. Please try not to let your anxiety about this spoil your pregnancy

The dates based on scans aren’t completely accurate as embryos develop at slightly different rates. I had an IVF ICSI baby so timings known down to the hour but the 12-week scan was a few days off the chronological age.

Came to say exactly this. I also had ICSI and my 12 week scan was off by 5 days so I don't think you can go by the scan to give you a definite date.

I am not a professional but the EDD from the scan is just to know when the baby is due not when the baby was conceived, they do that because it's more accurate for their purposes and they don't really care about what happened before, they are only interested in your care during the pregnancy.
So don't go trying to calculate back from that and read anything into it.

For what it's worth we had the 12 week scan and the baby was only 10 weeks something which was basically impossible if you back calculated as the pregnancy test was positive around that time, but clearly he wqs just a slow grower! At the rescheduled 12 weeks scan they adjusted it slightly again, and he was born a week early in the end on the EDD from scan.

I mean he was put back 2 full weeks, which was a bit depressing in some ways but that's what happens as the dates are just for guidance

Not a stupid/pointless post at all - if you read the original post properly you will see that the OP did not actually say she has informed her boyfriend that he may not be the father of her child. Ummm just a slightly important piece of information for a man excited to be a dad! She has even let him to tell his family and get them all excited while concealing all this.

She said in her OP about wanting to "do what's best" which is great, and that is respecting her boyfriend and child enough to confirm paternity and make the boyfriend aware of the situation now before he gets more emotionally attached. The OP is an adult and the situation she's in is a result of her own choices. I've given advice based on her question.

Op going off your last period I would say you ovulated around 24th Aug if you have a regular 28/29 day cycle. Its usually 2 week after the first day of your period and I know this from going through fertility treatment and tracking everything! What explanation did the midwife give to her ovulation date? If I'm right then it must be your partners. Hope you're doing OK I know your mind must be going mad. I know it'd be a difficult conversation but would you feel better telling your partner just in case so he can prepare himself? You've probably already thought of this so apologies just a thought to help set your mind at ease too

She has even let him to tell his family and get them all excited while concealing all this.

Sounds like you’re the one who needs to read the OP. Because that’s not what she did at all.

@Jesskir89

Op going off your last period I would say you ovulated around 24th Aug if you have a regular 28/29 day cycle. Its usually 2 week after the first day of your period and I know this from going through fertility treatment and tracking everything! What explanation did the midwife give to her ovulation date? If I'm right then it must be your partners. Hope you're doing OK I know your mind must be going mad. I know it'd be a difficult conversation but would you feel better telling your partner just in case so he can prepare himself? You've probably already thought of this so apologies just a thought to help set your mind at ease too

Until the ultrasound it seemed impossible that it would even have been anyone else’s as I thought I was an entire month further along than I am. I fee awful for this and I would not have told him if that was the case.

Instead of being so quick to judge you should brush up on your comprehension and empathy skills.

Oops previous comment was for @LilyWater

@Jesskir89

Op going off your last period I would say you ovulated around 24th Aug if you have a regular 28/29 day cycle. Its usually 2 week after the first day of your period and I know this from going through fertility treatment and tracking everything! What explanation did the midwife give to her ovulation date? If I'm right then it must be your partners. Hope you're doing OK I know your mind must be going mad. I know it'd be a difficult conversation but would you feel better telling your partner just in case so he can prepare himself? You've probably already thought of this so apologies just a thought to help set your mind at ease too

Sorry!

& that’s the timeframe I’ve been going off as I still have no idea why my period disappeared if there wasn’t a pregnancy or any significant reason I can think of but the midwife said the dating scan is accurate almost to the day and she thinks it’d be impossible that I conceived earlier.

I still think it’s strange as that means I ovulated either over a month late or ovulated with no period

I’ve decided to do a prenatal test as I wouldn’t be keeping it if it’s not my partners which is upsetting but the chances are so slim I’m almost positive it is his