Worried about paternity!

[Paternityworries]

Hi, new here x

Im currently 11 weeks pregnant and my sonographer mentioned that 2 weeks are added to the gestational period so I would’ve conceived 9 weeks ago or so, which surprised me a lot as I thought the ultrasound was the age of the pregnancy and not like the LMP calculation which also adds 2 weeks.

Previous to the dating scan I was going off LMP which indicated I was about 14 weeks as the last period I recall was in aug, I have a regular partner (ups/withdrawal but he sometimes slips up) who I then informed after this as the dates were perfectly fine and we’ve told our families etc.

the new dates are unfortunately a bit iffy, we broke up and I slept with someone else a few days after, (ONS) we used condoms and there was no foreplay/ there’s very little possibility that I came into contact with his sperm, I thoroughly checked both condoms (tied them and checked for leaks) but the dates are just close enough that I have a slight doubt, whilst I’m sure that it was perfect use (I’m pedantic when using condoms)

In hindsight, I think I began experiencing symptoms just before I’d had the ONS as I had extreme fatigue the week before that continued and is only now lifting which I’m assuming is related to my pregnancy as I’m not anaemic or deficient in anything.

Additionally, my periods are usually very regular, I remember mentioning that I felt PMS-y about 2 weeks before I appear to have conceived but no period came, is it possible that the fertilisation process had began and interrupted my period before it began but took a while to implant?

I’m not being naive, I’ve tried to research this a lot but it’s confusing as the first 2 weeks seem to be added but I don’t understand whether this is the time given for conception etc or if it’s simply medically added.

Finally, the exact date of conception I can work out from my EDD (consistent w scans + blood work) puts the ONS two days too late but of course this isn’t the most reliable info, just additional.

please don’t judge me as I am simply trying to do what’s best at the moment but i understand completely that in the worst case scenario I’ll get a dna test after the baby is born, I’m just thinking about the liklihood as a prenatal test is way too expensive, I just need a little bit of guidance.

Much appreciated

Absolutely no judgement here anyway op just offering a little knowledge and a hand hold. Hope you're doing OK. Can you ask for a second opinion on your ovulation dates? I'm not one to say a professional is wrong but I'm adament you would have ovulated around 24th Aug. Prenatal test is a good idea if it's going to help, what would you tell your partner about the pregnancy though? If you don't want to abort and its getting you upset thinking about it could you not try and talk to him?

@Jesskir89

Absolutely no judgement here anyway op just offering a little knowledge and a hand hold. Hope you're doing OK. Can you ask for a second opinion on your ovulation dates? I'm not one to say a professional is wrong but I'm adament you would have ovulated around 24th Aug. Prenatal test is a good idea if it's going to help, what would you tell your partner about the pregnancy though? If you don't want to abort and its getting you upset thinking about it could you not try and talk to him?

Thanks, I really appreciate it xx I have another scan coming up but it’s in two weeks and I can’t wait that long in the case that it’s not my partners

I want to do it sooner rather than later as I can’t bring myself to tell him until I’m certain because of how slim the chances are

I know that he wouldn’t at all be willing to stay if it’s not his and the other potential father isn’t someone I feel would be good to raise a child with and I want to at least try to give it a good start.
& because he is someone I definitely don’t want a child with and if id known earlier I would’ve aborted already, I have some comfort in my decision to do so

I love this child but it wouldn’t be fair for it or even possible for me as I’ll be doing it completely alone as my family would also disown me

before anyone comments telling me how horrible I am for not telling him immediately, I know and the moment I find out whether it’s his or not I will let him know, which will be in a few days

Hi OP - I've private messaged you

OK when will you do the test? I hope its your partners please let us know how you get on I'll keep everything crossed for you x

@Jesskir89

OK when will you do the test? I hope its your partners please let us know how you get on I'll keep everything crossed for you x

Hopefully this week, trying to get the funds together as they’re £900 but I need it soon

Thanks x

The 12 weeks scan got the dates wrong with my first by 10 days. I was absurely certain of the date of conception (only TTC once that month).

It was indeed changed to match my date at the 20 weeks scan.

From what you've said, it seems almost impossible that you conceived with the ONS.

My 12 week scan put me at 9 weeks. The date of conception would have been the day I got a BFP and made my GP appointment. And I'd been away on business as had DH so there was only a weekend when we'd been in the same country.

I couldn't get anyone to listen up even to consultant level even with DC measuring "big for dates" at every other scan because everyone insisted the initial scan must be correct- the subtext was that they thought I was lying to DH. It was awful. Especially at 37+ weeks when I knew I was overdue but no one would listen or offer monitoring or induction. Eventually I gave birth to a massive baby covered in meconium on the dot of their 40 weeks but 43 ish weeks by my dates - and then they asked me at the hospital if I was sure of my dates

So - scans aren't always accurate but the DNA test will be.

Excuse my ignorance, but how does a prenatal DNA test work? You're going to have to tell your regular partner, I assume.

I really hope this works out for you, OP. You must be feeling so anxious. But I think the odds are definitely in your favour, but the sounds of what everyone else has said (I'm a bit thick at this stuff, personally!)

@FannysSteadiedBuffs @dontdisturbmenow
I’m fairly certain there’s something off about the dates as no one can explain how I’ve ovulated on day 39 when I have never in my life had a cycle that lasted longer than 29 days total minus birth control a few years ago but I spoke to 3 midwives and they’re insistent the scan is correct so test it is

@excelledyourself

Excuse my ignorance, but how does a prenatal DNA test work? You're going to have to tell your regular partner, I assume.

I really hope this works out for you, OP. You must be feeling so anxious. But I think the odds are definitely in your favour, but the sounds of what everyone else has said (I'm a bit thick at this stuff, personally!)

It’s a blood test from myself and a swab of one of the fathers, as there are only 2 possibilities I will ask the other man if he’d be willing to do so

I highly doubt it isn’t my partner’s at this point but I can’t be worrying about it for the next few months

Does the ONS know about your pregnancy op?

@Jesskir89

Does the ONS know about your pregnancy op?

Yes, waiting for the test now

Keeping everything crossed its your partners, hope you're ok

I am sorry |I don't think you can be sure until a DNA test is done. There may be posters who say this or that, but they havent seen your medical charts so its all up in the air.
Depending on how your moral code is you may wish to tell your partner or keep your fingers crossed and hope it is his and deal with the problem should you find out it isn't.
I would say that as you weren't a couple, you haven't done anything wrong by sleeping with someone else, but I do think some may not be happy if their DP slept with someone else a few days after splitting up.

@Cheeseandwin5

I am sorry |I don't think you can be sure until a DNA test is done. There may be posters who say this or that, but they havent seen your medical charts so its all up in the air. Depending on how your moral code is you may wish to tell your partner or keep your fingers crossed and hope it is his and deal with the problem should you find out it isn't. I would say that as you weren't a couple, you haven't done anything wrong by sleeping with someone else, but I do think some may not be happy if their DP slept with someone else a few days after splitting up.

Radical idea but had you considered reading the thread before posting?

OP if you’re LMP was 10th august then you would have conceived around 2 weeks after than unless you have a really long cycle. So if you didn’t sleep with the other guy until the 16th sept, I’d say it’s highly unlikely and you were probably already pregnant when you slept with him.

When I conceived my son, my husband and I were tracking fertile days on a fertility monitor. We only had sex on my two ‘peak’ days that month so I know exactly when I conceived.
When I went for my dating scan they placed me two weeks ahead which was impossible.
Dating is very inaccurate. If you have doubts you can just get a paternity test when the baby is born xxx

You need to do a test once the baby is born but you need to be completely honest with the person you think is the father. No lying, just tell him.
Anything else is not fair. If he isn't the baby's father he will eventually find out and all hell will be let loose. Best to be honest now.

@Paternityworries how are you? How did you get on?