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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

She lives with another man, but she wants a family with me in future

30 replies

Peter266 · 10/11/2020 08:38

She left me 3 weeks ago, moved away, now she lives with someone else. She said we had no future and she just didn't want to be with me. The next day she said, that it will be only for a while and then I could marry her. Explain me this behavior to me, because it's too much.

  • she wants to be with someone else until she finishes school, she said, that he know better motivate her to learn and our housing was small and it was impossible to learn here
  • She said that I can have our photos on facebook and instagram where we are together, they are nice and he doesn't mind.
  • she comes to me about once a week, we had sex once and had fun with other sex games,
  • one week ago she wanted to move back only as a friend, I said no because she is with another man, she begged strongly, I let her come, she came in the morning but she moved away the rest of things, and said that she changed her mind that the apartment is small and she can't learn here ,
  • we was on a trip in mountains this weekend, we hold hands, we are together all day, we talk about our sex, but she doesn't want to kiss and she calls me by name, when we were together in relationship she always called me "love".
  • During this weekend she said that in half a year, when she finishes school, she wants a family with me, children and home ... Until now, she did not want children with me because I have bad genes, Now I am beautiful and children will be too. hmmm....
  • she turned her mind a few times, once she wanted to come back, once not, once that she would never return and we have no future, once depressed, once she loves me and she will return within a few days and never leave again, then no more.
- Once this and then somethong alse, and over and over again
  • I have to find a bigger flat and then she will come back, she talked all day about how we will have a family, I just have to hold on until she finishes school

What is it about?
Is possible that she will come back and it will be true or it is only a game?

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 10/11/2020 08:40

In the nicest way: block her.

Get some self respect and look for someone else who will treat you better.

This isn’t a good relationship it’s just drama.

Purplethrow · 10/11/2020 08:43

Don’t waste another minute of your life trying to work out what she’s playing at, dump and block. No one is worth all this angst.

AfterSchoolWorry · 10/11/2020 08:49

It's all bullshit OP.

Gazelda · 10/11/2020 08:51

Stop allowing her to hurt you. She's stringing you alneed not. She doesn't sound like a nice person.
Block her.

Take a break to mend your heart then move on.

AngusThermopyle · 10/11/2020 08:54

Have a bit of self respect and stop letting her play you like fiddle . She's not very nice and treating you like crap.
Block her and move on.

Donkeeey · 10/11/2020 08:55

How old is she? I hope you mean university or at least college and not school?

Peter266 · 10/11/2020 08:56

She is 24, yes university

OP posts:
Donkeeey · 10/11/2020 09:01

I've just read your other thread. For goodness sake, if this is for real, let her go, change the locks and block her. If she comes knocking, don't answer the door. Find yourself someone who actually likes you.

SeaEagleFeather · 10/11/2020 09:01

Back away at the speed of light. She might be fun to be with but look at her underlying character; she's using you and the other person.

Boopthesnoot1 · 10/11/2020 09:07

She is using you for a confidence boost when she needs it. Having several men drop everything for her when she asks. Get out of the loop and block her, she will never be yours because she will never be happy with one man (or at least until she grows up) think about how many people she would be doing this to, probably several.

To answer your question, no, she will never be yours because she will continue to behave this way for as long as you allow it to happen.

VettiyaIruken · 10/11/2020 09:12

Oh, what a love story you can tell the grandchildren about!

Come here kids, let me tell you the tale of how your granny walked all over me, took the utter piss then eventually settled for me cos she knew I'd be the most useful to her when she'd finished shagging about.

Honestly op, log onto Amazon, order yourself a giant tub of self respect and apply a thick layer three times a day.

You deserve better than this!

AgeLikeWine · 10/11/2020 09:14

She is a nasty piece of work who is stringing both you and the other man along. She is enjoying the drama and she wants you both to ‘fight for her’.

Dump her.
Block her.
Ignore her.
Move on.

Sparticuscaticus · 10/11/2020 09:15

She isn't a nice person, nor loyal. There's no future here, not a decent one filled with equal respect for a relationship you'll ever feel confident and trusting in.

It's all about what she wants and how it will help her.

She's stringing you along.

CorianderBlues · 10/11/2020 09:29

OP, sad for you.

But the other posters are quite correct. There will be someone a much better fit for you, you are young, life is LONG, close this chapter and start the next.

Wishing you good fortune.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/11/2020 10:01

How old are you Peter?

Pyewhacket · 10/11/2020 10:04

Run.

Peter266 · 10/11/2020 10:11

Och I am very sad of that, in deep of my soul I know you are right, but for some reason I still fighting. I thought that she will be my wife once, everything was so awesome at beginning. :(

I am 26

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 10/11/2020 10:40

Ok at 26 you’re just a young adult. Can you really imagine putting up with this shit for the next 60 years? Imagine how screwed up any child you had with her would be. Is that what you would want?

Do yourself a favour and get her out of your life. While you’re looking at her as a life partner, you’ve got your back to anyone else, who could be really good for you.

You’re struggling to let go. Look up limerance.

Valkadin · 10/11/2020 10:51

This woman is an abuser, a bad one. She is manipulating you horribly.

Block her on every platform and never communicate with her again. Look up advice online on how to repair your mind as she has honestly destroyed your self esteem to the extent that you will put up with it.

Many people struggle to talk about abuse they suffer at the hands of those they love, they don’t want to believe it. You deserve so much better, remember that.

Peter266 · 10/11/2020 11:42

She said that she will come back if I found bigger flat with view of high Tatras mountains. I found that flat in one day. I have sended her photos of that flat, is amazing. But she wrote: pay off your debts, there are more important problems right now....

I have some loans, 4000€ . And I took that money when we were moving to flat and we needed stuff. And I bought some gifts for her..

My heart is broken cause she is with him. And wanted her back in our flat. But she don't want even though I found the flat .

OP posts:
Peter266 · 10/11/2020 11:44

I don't know how to let her go away from my heart :(

OP posts:
Krampusasbabysitter · 10/11/2020 11:48

Gonna save myself a long post. This sums it up

SoulofanAggron · 10/11/2020 11:52

I don't know how to let her go away from my heart

Block her on everything and never speak to her again. You'll feel better for it. x

CrazyToast · 10/11/2020 12:33

Oh OP I feel for you. She is messing with you. She is not treating you right and I'm sorry but she doesn't love you.

The only way to let her go away from your heart is to block her from your life. Don't talk or message or see her. Don't look at her on social media. It will hurt at first. Spend time with your friends to help you through it. You will feel better with time and you will meet someone worthy of your heart.

SpongeWorthy · 10/11/2020 13:07

@SoulofanAggron

I don't know how to let her go away from my heart

Block her on everything and never speak to her again. You'll feel better for it. x

This. I would be so unhealthy to be in a relationship with her and if you need another reason to block her and move on, it would be so irresponsible and unfair to bring a child into this world with someone who behaves how she does towards you. Babies make couples more stressed, more time and money deprived, more pressured etc. Even the strongest relationships are tested by the arrival of a little one. This is beyond unhealthy, please do listen. Breaking up with someone you think you love always hurts horribly, I appreciate that - but millions of people have been through it and come out the other side happier, healthier and ready for the right relationship, realising along the way that letting the bad ones go is the best decision ever.