Court. Father trying to take my child.

[Emmy1988]

I know how this sounds. 'Why has a father taken a child from her mother?'. I was forced out of my home. Thinking I was going to return to my home and child. Dad had a different idea. He never let me back, and refused my child from me for 3 months straight. I'm only just getting contact after having to involve solicitors. He is under the impression he is within his rights to do so as a father. And he also has parental responsibility for her. Going to court soon. My question is, has anyone out there managed to get parental responsibility changed from dad to mum in a similar situation? How can he decide to play god with her and I seemingly have no rights? And I was under the impression the mother automatically has parental responsibility for the child? Currently fighting for her to live with me and change schools which I know dosent work in my favour. Any help and advice please.

It all depends on the circumstances of your situation...how you ended up being forced out leaving your child, evidence of what has happened etc. How long you left for, the age of the child.

Both parents on the birth certificate have parental responsibility, so you're probably looking at joint custody, but this is not automatic.

If it was an abusive relationship, have you been in contact with and domestic abuse organisations?

Do you work? Does he work? Is the child in school? Who cares for them at the time if they are preschool age?

Have you posted about this before? It seems familiar.

Mothers always have PR by default, as I understand it. So you have PR.

Why do you want her to change schools? Can you go for joint custody - a court is more likely to look favourably on this request. What sort of contact do you have with her at the moment?

Unfortunately this is why women should NEVER leave without their children. It can be hard to show a court that you had the best interests of your children at heart if it was bad enough for you to leave, but left a child behind.

Hi OP, it's essential to distinguish between custody and parental responsibility.

Both parents have parental responsibility, in a normal separation you go to court and get a custody order to decide how much time the child spends with each parent. As far as I understand it, parental responsibility only gets removed if there are very serious circs or abusive behaviour, that's when supervised contact or no contact is ordered. Your solicitor will tell you more.

Assuming you are not abusive, then he is just trying to scare you and is a controlling arse and the court will rule accordingly, the ruling should be based on the child's best interests and your child should have regular contact with both parents. He cannot dictate the law, he just wants to make you think he can.

Please talk to your solicitor and ask him or her all these questions, mumsnet doesn't have the answers to things like this.

I presume you have PR also? You’re the child’s mum yes?

As someone already said it’s not about getting PR moved, it’s about establishing where the child lives and shared custody.

Assumi there are no reasons for him to deny you access to the child (are there?) he will be absolutely lambasted for denying you access to the child. If he can make a case it was in the child’s best interests, that’s a different story.

It’s all about the child. What is best for the child.

Him doing it to be nasty to you will be spotted a mile off.

Courts always favour women even though they are supposed to be equal.
It's a long process but should be a straight forward one .
Women do this thing to men all the time .

Courts don't favour women

They're not supposed to be equal either, it's the best interests of the child

@LaurieFairyCake
Courts don't favour women

Yeah

Courts do NOT favour women in custody disputes rwalker. Categorically not. Women can lose out massively and the unfairness can be devastating to bear. Speaking as a non-resident mother whose ex behaved in a similar way to the OP.

OP please stop posting on internet forums and get a very good solicitor.

Behaved in a similar way to the OP's Ex, Sorry!!!!!

So sorry to hear this, I can’t imagine how hard it is for you

@LaurieFairyCake

You are correct . I know a father who had the children because of a mother’s bad choice of partner. The children came first .

@Emmy1988

Do you have a social worker involved plus a solicitor?

Have you been through mediation?

It's impossible to say whether he is doing something he should or shouldnt without further information.

@Bernadette, the relevant info was given in the very first post. A parent cannot block contact randomly as the OP's ex has done.

This is why threads like this can do more harm than good. It's clearly a case for legal professionals and courts, not the general public.

I disagree.

The OP doesn't say why the child's father has acted like he has. This is crucial.

Bernadette, please create your own thread in AIBU and stop hijacking the OP's thread with your need to be right. Nobody on here has the answers, which is why she needs legal advice ASAP. I'm going to report this thread now.

“My question is, has anyone out there managed to get parental responsibility changed from dad to mum in a similar situation? How can he decide to play god with her and I seemingly have no rights?”

Where are you, OP? If you are in the UK (and probably most countries) then, as PP have said, you will certainly have parental responsibility. Usually both parents do. My understanding is that there are certain countries where the father’s rights prevail but if you are in the UK that is not the case.

Your situation sounds very tough. You need to keep talking to your lawyer. It will be very hard to sort it out otherwise.

Eh?

@Alys20

Bernadette, please create your own thread in AIBU and stop hijacking the OP's thread with your need to be right. Nobody on here has the answers, which is why she needs legal advice ASAP. I'm going to report this thread now.

Who made you thread police?! Report it for what?! As @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz says, there's no info what happened, so telling the Op she is absolutely right isn't actually that helpful if it's not going to be true!

Thanks Titiana I thought I was going a little mad there.

If a man had started a thread of this fashion he would be pretty much told he must have done something to warrant mum keeping the child from him.

If a woman posts on here about an abusive dad/dangerous situation she is often advised "keep the child away. He can go through the courts".

I believe mothers have automatic PR and fathers have it if they are married or on the birth certificate.
So if you both have parental rights then the courts will look to see what’s best for your child.

Why don’t you ask for 50/50 contact as a starting point?
Why does your DC need to change schools? This could be seen as not in the child best interest so it would be better to stay with dad so they can stay in the same school.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz
You're not hijacking the thread at all.
The points you raised are relevant and valid.

@Alys20
A parent cannot block contact randomly as the OP's ex has done

I don't call it randomly, as the OP left the house. We don't know how long for or why. So more information is required as Bernadette said.

I understand everyone's point of view I do. But this man had decided after I got made redundant and had no income I was soon out the house. I didn't realise the relationship was over I left for a weekend break. And when I came back to sort things out my world ended. He took my home, my possessions, and most importantly decided to see fit I didnt see my daughter anymore. I'm in the uk. He took it upon himself for NO valid reason whatsoever he stopped mama seeing her baby for 3 months. I'm decent. I'm a great mom. He was coercive, and is continuously being coercive after we broke up. Imagine a father literally taking your child from you, with no good reason, other than punishment to mum.

No one can stop the other parent from seeing their child without a really good reason.

If you go to court/mediation you will be able to see your child unless there’s a reason you’re dangerous or something.

Unfortunately if he is not willing to be civil and sort out 50/50 contact then you will have to apply to the courts.