Snooped and found.

[tryingtocarpediem]

I've been feeling unhappy and untrusting for a long time now and couldn't help myself but look at something I shouldn't have done. Hubby knew I was on his pc looking for a file but I saw his gmail username list and one email was a made up name. I clicked on and found loads of unopened messages from Ashley Madison. Last night I then noticed a kik account on the shared ipad and there was a woman's name on there. Bizarrely I also saw a massive list of passwords on his pc but not saying the website or username so I don't know how he would remember what they are for unless he changes them constantly on the same site. I'm feeling like I could explode, my brain is whirring and I'm not saying anything as I'm hoping to find more proof so he can't blag his way out if it. I'm just numb. 🙁

Sounds like he's definitely up to something and having that many passwords saved I'm bet my house there's more to uncover. Keep your cool and keep digging.

Now I've swung to feeling enraged and nit sure I can keep it in much longer. Fuck!!

First of all, sorry you've found out all this, such a shock. .
Make sure you screen shot/take a pic on your mobile. The more 'facts' you've got the better to challenge him with but if he's set up an Ashley Madison account, just that would be enough for me. A kik account is for those who don't want to be traced, no exchange of phone numbers etc so that is suspicious, may prove he's been chatting.
Would you leave him over this? If so, make sure you get copies of all financials - bank accounts, pension details etc.
Try and keep your cool for now and do a bit more discreet digging.

Kik is also what a lot of NSFW reddits use to share pictures of their wives etc this also could be a possibility.

What are they? Not heard of that before?

NSFW =not safer work. I can confirm there are so many married/taken men on reddit looking for "extras" I spoke with quite a few when I was single. Kik seemed to be the app of choice.

Hopefully theres a reasonable explanation, but try not to be naive either.

Not safe for work* = naughty pics

Out of your three bits you mentioned - only Kik seems to be something of interest.
Made up email account that isn’t being used can be anything. I seem to have a few that some websites threw at me without me doing anything. Or he may have set it up if he needed to register somewhere but didn’t want to use his normal account to avoid spam. I have done that too.

List of passwords is nothing weird. I keep one in notes on my phone. These days so many passwords are needed for so many things it’s crazy and impossible to keep up. I also don’t keep user names or websites together with passwords - as that would make hacking my information easier.

Kik is known to be for clandestine communication. Of course - keeping it on a shared iPad is silly if he was actually hiding something.
Why don’t you monitor that account?

Confronting him now with no evidence to go on won’t get you anywhere.
But at the same time - you don’t need evidence really. If you are unhappy - it’s a reason enough to have a conversation and do something.

Screenshot everything including the passwords, If you look on the history you may see some of the websites they belong to. I would also be looking in his phone. Whatever you do keep quiet until you have more info or you will never get the truth.

So I've photo'd everything. He has messages on his gmail saying they've received his priority message. On kik he has a user name of a femail and I've found her on it by setting up my own kik account. And I've found him with his alias name.

The chances are he got pissed off in September (the dates it was all set up) after our marriage counseling session.

OP - I have Kik. Him having some famale address on Kik doesn’t mean much.
Once you set up Kik you often get random messages from people you don’t know.
So - unless you have messages that are suspicious - that address doesn’t give you any ammunition:
He will just say it’s a random spam message.

Why he set up Kik is a bit more interesting, but again can be explained away.

It's not just kik though. It's Ashley madison. And he's sent priority messages.

Also he has no reason to have kik and hide it amongst his car parking apps. Or make up a fake gmail account. His kik user name is not his real name either.

Sorry I've noticed they've deleted the web name. It's an app for married people to have affairs ...

So what do you want to do next?

Whattt this is really suspicious and id be pissed op you need to pose as someone else and message him

I plan to tell him tonight and see what he says.

Just not sure how to ask him. Obviously about kik isn't the way

Call him by his fake kik name and see how he reacts then Just say you found his Ashley Maddison account and you have logged on to it, as well as his kik account and fake gmail account

Kik account on a shared ipad is careless or makes me think he wants you to find something. I've got a second Gmail account which I set up for playing pokemon when I played so that doesn't seem suspicious to me.

I asked him. He denied it all. Came up with various shite. Now he's confirmed it's true. So that's that I guess. Taken himself off to the spare room.

Thinking of you op. It's one thing to find things but another to have them confirmed. You were unhappy for a reason and had suspicions for a reason. Try not to communicate with him for the rest of the night and let the shock settle.

I would make him leave the house OP. Now. Give you some space & make him suffer. Go to a Travelodge.

Hi OP

We're really sorry for what you're going through but please could you stop naming RL names?

Ahhh that's shit. Try and have a good night's sleep now and get up early with a fresh brain to think about what you want to have happen next.