Snooped and found.

[tryingtocarpediem]

I've been feeling unhappy and untrusting for a long time now and couldn't help myself but look at something I shouldn't have done. Hubby knew I was on his pc looking for a file but I saw his gmail username list and one email was a made up name. I clicked on and found loads of unopened messages from Ashley Madison. Last night I then noticed a kik account on the shared ipad and there was a woman's name on there. Bizarrely I also saw a massive list of passwords on his pc but not saying the website or username so I don't know how he would remember what they are for unless he changes them constantly on the same site. I'm feeling like I could explode, my brain is whirring and I'm not saying anything as I'm hoping to find more proof so he can't blag his way out if it. I'm just numb. 🙁

Apologies. It's not a real life name. It's the name of a company? But yes I will. Can we not say website names?

@LilyMumsnet

Hi OP

We're really sorry for what you're going through but please could you stop naming RL names?

I think the only one she mentioned was Ashley Madison which is a well known site, not a person's name in OP's life?

Hi there,
Thanks for that, we have replaced the name. It was reported as a real life name and evidently we didn't know otherwise. Apologies, tryingtocarpediem, we're sorry you're going through this.

Ok. Thank you.

Well he's apologised. A lot. Blamed it on how he felt in lockdown and how unhappy he was with no connection between us. Both feeling so empty. Then I realised all the emails/messages have been from the last 60 days. Not the middle of lockdown like he's saying. So I think it's more recent than he's letting on. He's not responded to answer that question yet. I've Just had a solo counselling session and feeling so so sad. Getting all my feelings on paper. Trying to work out what I want. Has anybody else been in this situation before?

What has he admitted to? Has he met anyone?

Did he say he was "just looking"?

AM was hit by a big hacking issued a few years ago and it transpired that most of their female user base was actually fake profiles to entice men into paying for membership. So he's a bloody idiot if he's paid. I assume he can't send "priority" messages without paying. Have you checked finances for a transaction around the set up date?

It certainly sounds like he wants out so I'd recommend getting your ducks in a row.

He said he hasn't met anyone and hates what he's done and how sorry he is. He said he had no intention to continued and didn't want anything sleazy.
I can't check his bank account though and he didn't put it through the joint for obvious reasons. 🤷🏻‍♀️ unless I ask him I have no idea how to check.

Ashley Madison is the name of a website used by married people wanting to have affairs. That's the only RL name I've seen. Using the name of that website is no different than FB, Fabswingers, etc.

Sorry, cross-posted about AM.

OP, I'm very sorry you're hurting. I hope the counseling will help.

You will be in shock trying to find out how far the lying and deception goes. My xh had a secret Kik account he used to try and arrange anonymous hook ups as you don't need to give out your name and number. No matter how sorry he is, how he had no intentions of doing anything, it is no way to live. I'm much happier single but it's a year or so of recovery for yourself. Good luck

He let me see all his banking info and had paid £39 in September. One off he said. Said he hated it and not doing it again. Still don't trust him as far as I can throw him though.

Handhold here.

I suppose it could be that he shocked himself letting it get that far. It happens, though it still doesn't excuse what he did.

I don't know how people regain trust after something like that, but perhaps your counselor can help. Or a lie detector.

I wish I was kidding.