If you were a victim of DV, were you believed?

[JustAQuickNameChange1]

As the title says really.

My husband is the charming, lovely, kind, family man who quit his job to start a (successful) business to spend more time with his wife and daughter. He is constantly posting on social media about how much he adores me, how I'm paramount to his success, it's stomach curdling. SIL knows he has been violent on for 3 years and has been encouraging me to leave but if push came to shove, would she testify against her brother?

Will friends/family/the police believe me?

He is careful and never goes far enough to leave obvious marks but I do have a recording where he admits to a particularly nasty event. He doesn't know I have this.

I am a victim of domestic abuse and horrific violence by my ex. And yes.. I've been believed. We're about to embark on children's proceedings in the family court because I fled earlier this year with the help of social services.. To give you a back story.. My exes abuse escalated after I became pregnant.. He threw me down the stairs a few days before I found out I was pregnant... So I took the opportunity to confide in my midwife.. At the hospital I went to they had yellow stickers in the ladies toilets you put them on the bottom of your sample if you're in an abusive relationship and when your midwife sees them they'll talk to you alone... I couldn't talk to her alone at that particular appointment but the next appointment I told her everything.. She reported the abuse to social services... Since then my ex became more and more violent.. It culminated earlier this year when he violently attacked me in front of our daughter.. His abuse also transcended onto her😢😢. After that incident I self referred to a domestic violence agency.. During the entirety of our relationship our neighbours repeatedly called the police every time they heard him shouting and hurting me. After the last incident social services helped me flee... Because I had multiple agencies involved as well as the support of the police.. I didn't even have to say anything to believed... Whats ironic now is my ex now claiming to be the victim and I'm the horrible abusive perpetrator.. Recently in the last few days I've had a conversation with CAFCASS and the cafcass officer was at liberty to reel off all his police history including convictions... To say I was shocked is an understatement... My point is.. Please talk to someone.. Womens aid, police or if you have children... social services.. Start a paper trail.. Because at the end of the day I've learnt that it's evidence that is relied on.. My ex can say he is mother Teresa but the evidence shows he's a profusely violent individual who is misogynistic and will cause psychological damage and physical harm to our daughter. Starting that trail by telling the midwife then snowballed into all there other agencies getting involved.. There's not any doubt that I am the victim x

And also.. I believe you ❤️❤️❤️

I believe you.
Tell other people. The ones that matter will help you whatever.
The ones that don't, you don't need. They might be in a DV situation themselves and to believe you means they have to look at themselves. I know this to be a fact about a former friend who chose to support him not me.
I'm better off without either of them.
I survived, you will survive. People will be shocked when you leave. I just told them I had been a good liar.
Good luck.

Actually welling up because I know how you're feeling and at the time I wanted to be believed so badly.. Once you inform an authority it will get better.. I had a fantastic experience of children's services. They removed my daughter and I out of the family home because he is so dangerous... From that one conversation with my midwife its now the point I've relocated to a new county and starting our lives again.. I can't tell you how amazing our lives now. Less for going to the family court.. Day to day its just so nice to wake up not dreading my life and wanting to die because I resigned myself that was my normal life and it was my fault.. Get out for yourself and your children.. You deserve a better life.

Closest friends believed me and supported me throughout. His family got brainwashed by him and it was tricky to navigate and restore the Relationship i had with them.. it’s always an elephant in the room when they are around and i dislike it a lot - i want my kids to see clearly that my husband’s behaviour was not acceptable.
The police believed me, so did DV support - it was actually them who had to spell out to me that it was an abusive marriage.. i was in denial for years

I believe you
Have a read of this thread, we have all opened up with our stories and so many of us relate to each other and I think you will to, it really is an eye opener.
For the question you asked, the police believed me, the hospital believed me, my family and friends believed me, his family did not.

@Pebbledashery fancy seeing you here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4066561-Did-your-abuser-ever-say-sorry

@PinkyX hey pinky my lovely 😊😘

My friends and family did while his didn’t but to be honest that’s fine with me.
In terms of professionals I work in children’s services and of the dozens of families I’ve worked with where a woman reports domestic abuse I’ve met 2 man who admitted to it and it’s taught me to always believe the woman (mainly women anyway) unless there’s good reason not to and so far I’ve not come across that. Professionals are used to how these men operate and how the way they present themselves is part of the manipulation.

When the police were on the way to arrest my ex, they asked if he would be charming. So rest assured those who deal with this day in day out know your partner's type.

Yes. Although my ex wasn't physically violent to me, his modus operandi was coercive control and coercive sex (i.e. rape as non-consensual). I walked out one day and went straight to the police where i divulged everything in minute detail. The police advised me to stay at a hotel until he was arrested. All my family believed me as they had had suspicions all along. I wish someone had said something sooner as I would have realised sooner that I wasn't going mad.

You'd be surprised how many manipulative and abusive men act in a similar way. The police would recognise abusive behaviours and believe. Everyone knows that people can be street angels and house devils.

My ex was so unbelievably arrogant.. He told the social worker that both myself and DD provoked him and to not believe the domestic abuse card I'm playing.. I've taken sight of his witness statement this week regarding children's matters.. Apparently I bullied him. I emotionally and psychologically abused him and he was so bold to say that he is the victim of behaviours I am accusing him of. Will be interesting at the fact finding hearing when the judge sees he's been arrested 7 times for domestic violence related crimes and his police and domestic history are over 20 years long... Hmmm.. Wonder how is barrister is going to defend him :)

Secretly praying for a Judge who tears absolute strips out of him.. Its about time. I want justice for every single person he has ever abused most especially our daughter.