I really want a family

[MancMale46]

Five years ago I bought a large house in a nice area of Manchester with the intention of one day having a family.

I was in a toxic relationship and am now out and working on myself.

I have a son, early 20s, who lives away and I didn’t see him much growing up as his mum moved him to Norwich when he was 5.

I’ve really missed out on the family thing and I really want to experience it.

But is it too late? With Covid etc and the way my work is, realistically we’re probably talking a good few years - so say 50 - before I meet someone abs built up the bond and net to have a family.

Am I being daft? Should I just date women my own age or persist in someone around 10 years younger?

Well, you can adopt as a single man so a relationship isn't the only option.

Could you try to strengthen your relationship with your son?

Or is it that you’re happy with your relationship with him and just want more children?

Or you could be a stepdad.

@SockDrawer

Yes we have a good relationship, more like mates than anything. He even helps me out with work sometimes.

But I feel I’ve missed out on things like homework and bedtime stories etc and I feel our bond isn’t strong - he calls his step dad and his mum his parents

@Doyoumind

I guess I’m worried that being a stepdad won’t give me the bond - it’s like I have my heart set in a daughter (I get you can’t choose)

Adopt or foster. But you say you are not in a position to be a full time father. Will you hire teams of nannies, or will you expect a new partner to provide her life's effort in unpaid service in bed, kitchen, and nursery to fulfil your fantasy? The most needy, hard-to-place youngsters such as the messed up teenagers and physically disabled children would need a lot of attention.

Maybe your dream could have been having an Irish Wolfhound But you don't have the freedom to acquire one, because you know that exercising it will need either a full time employee, or a farm.

But you said your son has a bond with his stepdad?

If you have time and love to give why not look into adoption, perhaps a slightly older child not a baby, as you do need to think about the future, when the child is 10 how old will you be?

Look at your options to be a fun, involved dad you need age on your side. I know people lose parents when they are still young but it seems unnecessary to actually put yourself in that position.

@20mum

Why are you being so harsh.

Where did I say I would expect a partner to carry the weight?

I want a family and everything involved from the hard slog to the joy.

My work is demanding and rewarding but I’m also not prepared to let it affect things.

I think you’ve brought too much of your own crap into your reply

My Dad was 50 when I was born and I know a few older dads to young children. I think it will be ok if you’re a healthy active person, young kids are hard work so you just need to have the energy and time. I think a healthy work/life balance would be essential.

@20mum that seems unfairly harsh. Adopt or foster was your suggestion which you then unkindly criticised OPs suitability for.

I read his comment of “the way work is” as meaning his opportunity to meet someone is difficult as he has said it will take a few years, not that he wants to take advantage of a women. Not every statement requires reading between the lines.

Totally understand your want for a family. I’m a single parent and I’d love to experience life with a partner. Christmas and birthdays shared ect.

Hope you meet someone

How old are you?

@SOboredofcleaning I’m 46

Many thanks @rubymaster I wish you well

Haven't read many if the rsponsescso probably going against the grain but there is nothing wrong with tha way you feel. As a woman who wants children I wouldnt have dated a man who wasnt going to give me that in the future so there is nothing wrong with you wondering if you should date younger women. You must remember though that even dating women younger doesn't necessarily mean they'll want or be able to have children, and that you might not be able to yourself and that as an older dad there is a higher chance of genetic problems, and then you have to consider that a younger woman might not want to start a family with an older man. If you are serious about this then start dating now and don't discount women just because of their age, tell them what you ate hoping for from the start, and don't close off to the idea that you can have a happy relationship and life without having a biological child and that there are other ways to be a dad and that even if you don't have a family you might find a woman you love so much that you are happy just to be with her.

Thank you so much @LifesNotEnidBlyton

Go for it no way would you be to old you sound like a decent person with alot of love to offer ...and my sons dad was late forties and I was 20 when I had him no genetic issues bright tall and happiest child you could ever hope to meet 👍

I'd focus on meeting someone who you love & can't imagine not being with first. That is what family means.

I think, as has been previously said, there are different ways to build a family.

Looking for someone of a certain age just because you think they will give you babies is not necessarily going to work out well in the long run.

And getting together with someone 1/2 your age just because you think they have fertile eggs, well that's not really the reason to be with someone IMO.

Sorry if that is not the answer you were looking for.

Bless you @Pienmash2

I'm sure you could meet someone 10 years younger and have a family, obviously don't rush into anything as another broken relationship would potentially be worse than no relationship. Good luck! I would get cracking on with dating when you can!

Try dating threads on here. Plenty of women looking for ❤️

Yes I get you @SOboredofcleaning having been with a toxic woman before the first thing is meeting a good person so we can build a great home together

@Holdingtherope there are dating threads here? Where? Could you post a link?

Go for it.

A lot of men do it. This isnt a great forum for your type , and you'll probably be roasted on here, but you seem ok so I'll tell you how. See below. You'll need to go a bit younger than 10years though.
1)Meet online. Its 'creepy' in real life nowadays
2)Look good, have work done (man botox and man fillers)... everyone does and it's not expensive, pose for great pics doing outdoorsy stuff.
3)Make first move and be complimentary
4)Make it subtly clear you're rich, comparatively
Make it clear that you are looking to find someone to marry from the start to deter short term relationships.

You'll have 100s to choose from.

I am a woman your age. I have no chance at all on dating scene as every man is like you. Every man I know, inc my ex and dad (!) has a (new) wife 20+ years his junior.
This is why you're getting roasted. We're not best pleased about it.

Theres regular posts on here about age not matterng. Many many 28yos with husbands 20+ years their senior...