I really want a family

[MancMale46]

Five years ago I bought a large house in a nice area of Manchester with the intention of one day having a family.

I was in a toxic relationship and am now out and working on myself.

I have a son, early 20s, who lives away and I didn’t see him much growing up as his mum moved him to Norwich when he was 5.

I’ve really missed out on the family thing and I really want to experience it.

But is it too late? With Covid etc and the way my work is, realistically we’re probably talking a good few years - so say 50 - before I meet someone abs built up the bond and net to have a family.

Am I being daft? Should I just date women my own age or persist in someone around 10 years younger?

My partner was your age when he had kids, make the right choices for your life, there's nothing wrong with being happy

Yeah @Crystal90567 I’m not like that. Not vain in any way, more educated and cerebral

I think you should get OLD but very open you are looking for the right person to have children with.
I think there are quite a few late thirties/forties women who are in the same boat so when you meet the right person you can move quickly because the expectation is out there from the start

To be brutally honest, OP maybe some responses were harsh because you're showing some of the classic warning 'red flags' of shit men that wise MNers advise women to avoid.

1. You didn't have much contact with your son. Yes, your ex moved away but it was up to you as a father to fight to maintain a relationship with your ds if you wanted it. She moved away is no excuse at all.
2. Your ex was toxic. You'd be amazed how many men seem to blame everything on their toxic/ crazy/ money grabbing exes. Funnily enough it's the ones who blame everything on the crazy ex who turn out most often to be abusive or shit partners.

We don't know you so you may be the best and loveliest potential partner and father but some self- awareness of your past relationship and parenting mistakes might give you a chance of being a better one in the future.

Also don't do "man work" andshow offering rich. Bleurgh

I think it could take you 4 years to find, fall in love and start a family with someone. It could take you longer and you could speak to someone today that you both fall madly in love with each other and be married and starting a family in the new year.

There isn’t a time limit on how many months/years you have to know someone.

Have you friends that you trust who know anyone that they think you would be perfect for

I get you @Haffdonga I tried desperately seeing my son and I supported financially and it was more convenient for us to meet in holidays than at weekends due to 8 hour round trip. So we did cool things like went whale watching.

Toxic relationship was my fault, low self esteem - I should have walked sooner but likely had trauma bonding. Which I’m working on.

@Oliversmumsarmy not really, I have a few female friends my age who are supportive but I kinda want to meet someone outside of my group and definitely not related to my work

@Oliversmumsarmy I actually posted on here at suggestion of female friends

I'm 30 and I met my now husband when I was 27 and he was 48, we now have a 1 year old and I'm pregnant again, obviously was fast work as he was getting older but tbh makes no difference he's an amazing dad hes 51 now! But wouldn't have any other way... our bubs loves him and I think him being older made him appreciate being a dad more tbh he has more patience... and meant he enjoyed his life without kids already beforehand.. :) you probably will need to meet a younger women though thirtys or something:) good luck x

@Bumwart21 I totally feel I would be a far better dad now than I was in my 20s

I think alot of men are better fathers when they are older,my dad use to say the same to me which was true as he had me young but my other siblings once he was older and he was a better dad to them definitely.

My DS is 10. His best buddy has parents who are 10 years older than me & DH ( we are your age). They just met later in life. But seem really suited & happy together.

My point us that it can work out with someone your own age. Don't just date some young girl for her eggs. Imagine some middle aged bloke did that to your own daughter....?

Should I just date women my own age or persist in someone around 10 years younger?

Maybe you should try dating someone you genuinely like for themselves and see where it goes?

There's absolutely no reason why you still can't have a family if that's what you want @MancMale46.
I would say get yourself on-line. Create an honest and interesting profile and see what happens. I would say to be open minded re a potential new partner - a lot of women may already have children that may come up as your matches - but if you're open and honest at the start that you are looking for a long term relationship and starting a new family then both of you will know from start. Good Luck

I think you have left it late, personally. I would focus on finding a really great relationship and going from there. That will most likely give you the feeling of family you crave . I would also work on building a stronger relationship with the son you do have. I'm not sure large age gap relationships are that successful, long term anyway
I look at old parents, late 40's 50's with small babies and they look absolutely shattered.

50 for a bloke isn’t too old. Just get on with dating and find yourself a lovely lady and then who knows 😁

This is such a difficult one. I don't think you are wrong for wanting a family... but it's a bit ick to look for a younger woman to start a family with
IMO.

I'm probably not much younger than the women you would be pursuing and would find it a bit of a red card.

Plus I wouldn't actually want to have a child with someone over 50. By the time the child reaches 21 you'd be over 70 with all the health risks this brings (this is just my personal opinion and I do apologise if it's offensive to anyone here... I'm sure there are plenty of fantastic older dads and obviously poor health can hit at any age).

I think that a better bet is to look for love with someone you can imagine spending your life with and go from there.

Or you could concentrate on your existing son. Support him and be there for him and hopefully grow your relationship that way. You wont get the years back but you could be a massive part of his adult life.