Am I too sensitive ?

[Zena389]

Partner moved in for the lockdown. After a day, has given me a list of things that my flat needs, has said he will put money towards.
Better lamp, better duvet, better kitchen equipment, and one or two other things i've forgotten. Then was complaining the chairs were hard.
Made me feel a bit embarrassed and inadequate, he comes from a very well-to-do background, and I have all the basics and get by fine, but no fancy extras.
He was cooking and asked 'Don't you have this ?' don't you have a better xyz'

Am I being too sensitive in feeling a bit upset/embarrassed ?

I must have come across as a bit off,

Do you have kids?

Hmmmmm. I would sit him down and tell him how this has made you feel. I think his response will tell you a lot.

I remember when I first started staying at my partner's house he was always pulling me up on things I was doing "wrong", not opening the window after using the shower, leaving the immersion on.

I felt I was doing and eventually explained to him I don't need to open the window in my home as I have an air condenser and I also don't have immersion, so I forget. I told him it made me feel like I did everything wrong.

He gave me a big hug, apologised for being ott and said he is just used to doing things his way as he has lived on his own for ages.

Since that talk he has never complained, not once.

In your case, I'd tell him you are happy with your home as it is and if having better material things is so important to him, then he can go back to his.

No kids, no.
He didn't give me a list, it was verbal.
It's a houseshare and ok it's no palace but it's clean and quiet.
Last time he complained it smelled bad too.

Would you actually like to have the things he’s discussed? Are they reasonable items like a cheese grater or potato masher or are we talking Phillip Starck lemon squeezer and Gaggia coffee machine ? ( dubious spelling there). I certainly wouldn’t be rushing out to buy them but I’d tell him to go ahead if he wants to buy them himself or bring some items from home. Cooking in an ill equipped kitchen is really annoying so I can see his point but he doesn’t have to be rude about it. ( I moved into my first flat with a put-you-up bed and a set of saucepans from my granny. I wasn’t embarrassed though... I was proud of myself)

That would piss me right off! The only time a partner gets a say in what I do with a flat is if he's paying half the mortgage or rent. Rude and insensitive. It's your flat and you do it up as YOU want - he's lucky you invited him to stay with you!

@missmouse101

Just say, "ok, if you want to pay for them, great. Otherwise, I'm perfectly happy with how things are."

Don't do this! It's your home. Have it how you like. Let him decorate and furnish his own place how he likes.

If you've actually, properly, moved in together then you need to agree on stuff like lighting and duvet weight.

But you make it sound like he's temporarily stopping at yours because of lockdown, and just 6 months into the relationship, so no, don't change your own home for a temporary visitor.

He is both rude and insensitive.

You and he should no longer be together at all.

Why didn't you move into his rather than he into your flat share? Just curious.

I couldn't move there as he lives with his parents and because of my job here.

So you’re living in a house share, and presumably he lives alone? It’s not really fair to impose your boyfriend on your housemates for a month. He is being a snobby twat but why didn’t you both go to his?

Oh it's easy to have all the mod cons when you live with your parents.

What a giant bell-end.

Why is he staying with you rather than the other way round, if his place is so amazing? Do you have children and not want to move them?
My bf has loads of second-hand stuff, shabby pots and pans, mismatched knives and forks etc. as he doesn't believe in wasting stuff/just doesn't find it important. I admire him for it; it's making me try to waste less and be less picky too. Shame your bf doesn't admire your sensible lifestyle.

It's a very quiet houseshare and big house so he won't be in the way, and he lives at home with parents, too far from my job so I couldn't go.

Oh, missed your latest update. Does he want the same lamp that his mum has?

He is so bloody rude!!!

I would ask him
"Are you always this critical and rude?"

Their house is impeccable and huge, in a fancy middle of nowhere village, so probably feels like he's 'slumming it"

Does he want the same lamp that his mum has?

Ha ha. This changes things a lot. He doesn’t even know how much stuff costs does he?

He sounds like he has no clue what real life is like, outside his childhood bedroom. I'm imagining him being 20 at the very most? Stand your ground, Zena.

I knew just from the title that it was unlikely you were oversensitive.

Reading your posts, he is rude and entitled.

I’m going to revise my answer... he’s a prick. Tell him to fuck off back to his parents or wind his neck in.

@nahdenmardybum

What type of person has specific lamp needs?! Weirdo!

Admittedly, I'm fanatic about good reading light, but I don't offer opinions on other people's -- I make sure I have decent ones in my own house.

Haha did he ever have to live on his own and pay for everything?

So he doesn't earn enough to afford his own place. But now he's living at yours and criticising your stuff as not good enough for him.

You need to send him back to mummy and find yourself an adult boyfriend. Preferably one with manners.

There is no such thing as too sensitive. Your prickly sensations are your real live body telling you what your feelings and boundaries are.

Ignore them at your peril.

He sounds v ignorant and ungracious. You have offered up your hard earned and paid for living space to him - what’s the financial deal? He has nothing to offer you his parents luxury home wasn’t hard earned and paid for by him.

How equal and comfortable is this RS?

How comfortable would you be saying:

I am feeling a bit put down by that comment. Did you mean to sound demanding?

How do you want to resolve that issue?

Your gut feelings are your boundaries.

Maybe you are not compatible because he is not sensitive (polite, mannered) enough?

Their house is impeccable and huge, in a fancy middle of nowhere village, so probably feels like he's 'slumming it"

Well that's what happens when you leave mummy and daddy's place. He can fuck off with his requests for new things, he's being a spoiled brat.