Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Clitoral Play!

46 replies

SassyJassy99 · 05/11/2020 13:34

Hi, This probably belongs on the sex forum but I’m unable to post, as I haven’t been a member for 90 days. Anyway, during foreplay my clitoris gets very little attention and if it does it’s due to self-play, my partner will touch me there a couple of times for maybe 20 seconds on two separate occasions and that’s it, we also don’t have sex more than twice a month. I really want foreplay to play a much bigger part of sex. How do I approach this situation, does anyone have any advice?
Thank you!

OP posts:
RuffleCrow · 06/11/2020 12:13

Do you think he cares that you don't get to orgasm? If he does, he'd probably have listened to you by now. If he doesn't, is he likely to try and change?

Sounds like your pleasure is not interesting or important to him. And when did it become "clitoral play"?! Sounds like an extension of the anal thing rather than the way most women enjoy sex. Hmm

Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 06/11/2020 16:01

@CodenameVillanelle

You go down on him and he never returns the favour? Ick. What a turn off. Stop sucking his dick for a start.
Genuine question, would you give the same advice to a man whose wife wouldn't suck his dick even though he loved going down on her?
DBML · 06/11/2020 16:17

When I felt my husband wasn’t providing enough in the way of oral sex, I very openly purchased a specific type of oral simulation toy and then absolutely raved about it.
When my husband competitively stepped up to the plate, I raved about him too...And quite rightly, it was great.
Since then, it’s been a regular feature of our sex life.
I could have just asked I suppose and I would have done had my cheeky little tactic not worked. So, whether you do it directly or indirectly, tell your partner exactly what you like and as long as he’s not a lazy bugger, he hopefully will oblige.

CodenameVillanelle · 06/11/2020 17:05

@Myotherusernamewastakenagain
Yeah pretty much
If your partner (of either sex) does nothing to stimulate you sexually whilst accepting or expecting oral sex you should stop giving them oral sex. Selfish lovers shouldn't be rewarded with oral sex IMO.

enigmatoto · 06/11/2020 23:06

@Myotherusernamewastakenagain

I agree with what CodenameVinaille said!

Sex, in my opinion, is supposed to be mutually rewarding... regardless of whether you are the other 'party'(male or female) whoever isn't feeling 'satisfied', a conversation (or indeed, direction re that) about how you feel your sexual needs will be satisfied,' needs to be had.

Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 07/11/2020 17:51

[quote enigmatoto]**@Myotherusernamewastakenagain

I agree with what CodenameVinaille said!

Sex, in my opinion, is supposed to be mutually rewarding... regardless of whether you are the other 'party'(male or female) whoever isn't feeling 'satisfied', a conversation (or indeed, direction re that) about how you feel your sexual needs will be satisfied,' needs to be had.[/quote]
I've tried the conversation but nothing changes. She's happy with it, I'm not. She gets what she wants unless I leave.

SassyJassy99 · 07/11/2020 19:56

@Myotherusernamewastakenagain

I guess there’s little you can do if you’ve raised the subject and nothing has changed for you.

OP posts:
brokencrayons · 08/11/2020 03:00

Grab his hand and put it there. When he takes it away put it back again, or push his head down. Grin is he scared of the clitoris?

Justcause233 · 08/11/2020 19:12

@brokencrayons

Grab his hand and put it there. When he takes it away put it back again, or push his head down. Grin is he scared of the clitoris?
Don't do this. This is sexual assault.
VioletSunset · 08/11/2020 21:09

I agree with @Justcause233 100%

SassyJassy99 · 08/11/2020 21:54

@Justcause233

Can I make it clear, I’m not going to force him to pleasure me, if he doesn’t want to.
I am simply asking the best way to approach this situation, so we can both enjoy sex equally.
To be honest I feel embarrassed/awkward asking for something that is part of a normal sexual relationship.

OP posts:
Justcause233 · 08/11/2020 21:59

@SassyJassy99

I wasn't suggesting for a minute you would follow that advice. My comment wasn't aimed at you for one second, I was just surprised that it was still.up tbh. xxx

Dullardmullard · 08/11/2020 22:17

If you’re having sex you should be able to talk about it. So ask

Regularsizedrudy · 08/11/2020 22:45

..are you a mute? Tell him.

SassyJassy99 · 08/11/2020 22:58

@Regularsizedrudy

No I’m not a mute! I have discussed it in the past.

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 08/11/2020 22:59

So ditch him. Life’s too short for crap sex.

SassyJassy99 · 08/11/2020 23:05

I should also add, he does take things to heart and I think he would see this as me being critical, I’ve addressed things with him before (not sex related!) and it doesn’t change, or it’s not taken on board constructively. If I address this and it doesn’t change, do I then accept how things are?

OP posts:
NotMeekNotObedient · 08/11/2020 23:22

Definitely do not accept things as they are.

When I was very young and nieve I thought, if I give great oral he will reciprocate...nope! Guy did not care about my pleasure at all! Find someone new or be honest and say the sex needs to change (hopefully he does take it to heart!). Just tell him what you'd like and encourage him.

MackenCheese · 08/11/2020 23:29

This happened to me. I didn't speak up even though I wasn't satisfied, and it was clear he didn't like oral sex (both giving and receiving) and didn't really want to touch me down there. But by then we were already married. We didn't have sex after the kids came along, and that was 10 years ago. Someone rightly said life is too short for crap sex, and they are so right. We're getting divorced now. I really wished I had sorted it out in the early days...

SoulofanAggron · 09/11/2020 00:05

To be honest I feel embarrassed/awkward asking for something that is part of a normal sexual relationship.

Just do it. You are in the right- this is normal.

Another thing I've found is in the last few years more men seem to think that jabbing their fingers at the vagina does something. The 'G spot' thing maybe works slightly for me if they get at the clit at the same time, but otherwise no.

I have discussed it in the past.

What happened when/after you discussed it? Did he improve for a bit and then slack off again? So, he knows what you need, he just can't be arsed.

I should also add, he does take things to heart and I think he would see this as me being critical, I’ve addressed things with him before (not sex related!) and it doesn’t change, or it’s not taken on board constructively. If I address this and it doesn’t change, do I then accept how things are?

No, you dump him. Surely you don't want to accept that this is your life now- this is your sex life, for life?

And also that he doesn't compromise/change after discussions can't make for a good relationship.

Yes, you are giving a criticism, though you may not phrase it that way, and one he richly deserves. A decent guy a) wouldn'tve been like this in the first place, and especially after you've already mentioned it to him, or b) if you mention it he takes it on the chin, apologises, and gets his finger out.

RAOK · 09/11/2020 00:07

He is being extremely selfish. I recommend a Womaniser toy by the way.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page