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Original poster

Clitoral Play!

46 replies

SassyJassy99 · 05/11/2020 13:34

Hi, This probably belongs on the sex forum but I’m unable to post, as I haven’t been a member for 90 days. Anyway, during foreplay my clitoris gets very little attention and if it does it’s due to self-play, my partner will touch me there a couple of times for maybe 20 seconds on two separate occasions and that’s it, we also don’t have sex more than twice a month. I really want foreplay to play a much bigger part of sex. How do I approach this situation, does anyone have any advice?
Thank you!

OP posts:
ZZGirl · 05/11/2020 13:43

Suggest that you show each other what you like. Tell your partner that you want to be able to please him a lot better and so you want to know what feels good. It may trigger your partner wanting to do the same for you. It may be that they're not sure how to please you best. Consider a clit stim toy too and ask partner to use it on you.

nolovelost · 05/11/2020 13:46

When he does it for 20 seconds is it nice? When he's doing it just say I love it when you do that...can you do it more?

Original poster
SassyJassy99 · 05/11/2020 13:59

I should also add that I always give him oral sex before we have sex.
I always make it known I’m enjoying it when he does it but he just stops and wants to move on to sex, I’ve even started masturbating more recently (sorry if tmi!).
I have mentioned it in the past but maybe not directly enough, also the use of toys but he’s never been with me on this idea! I don’t know whether to buy a toy and just start slowly introducing it into sex, or whether this would cause a problem.

OP posts:
User7644 · 05/11/2020 15:05

How long have you been with him? I think direct action is needed, .... Although I'm confused by you giving oral every time you have sex.... This might be working against you in the foreplay stakes as he may be keen to move on before he loses his erection? It's all about fairness and reciprocation.... I would stop doing that maybe....

If you want to try a toy then I say but one! Ask him to use it on you.... I've did this to good response. Your sex life is important and it's frustrating as hell when it's unfulfilled!

Shoxfordian · 05/11/2020 16:35

Talk to him directly about it
He should want you to orgasm

BigButtons · 05/11/2020 16:41

I have just had this very conversation with my partner- well last weekend. He's a lovely man in all other ways, but is crap at foreplay. I told him he should go and read up on it and that sex was not just about his own pleasure.
This has come after me asking him nicely for ages to spend more attention to my needs.
He made an effort last time but it is clear he really hasn't got a clue what to do and has has probably been avoiding it for that very reason.

SoulofanAggron · 05/11/2020 16:47

Be open with him- you don't have anything to lose.

Say you need your clit focussed on in foreplay. It may be a cliche but I'm bi and a clit isn't always that easy to find. But it sounds like he's not even making much of an effort.

What are you afraid of? Tell and show him what you want. xx

noego · 05/11/2020 16:52

The clit is just the tip of the iceberg (so to speak) The female sexual nervous system spreads out from there to other area's of the body. This nervous system reaches your toes and up to your head.
My advice is go tantric and discover the delights of each others bodies.

VioletSunset · 05/11/2020 17:01

In my experience a lot of men don't realise the clit is often the key to female orgasm. I've even slept with a man who didn't believe me and told me I was totally wrong when I told him most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Out of everyone I've been with only 2 men have paid my clit any attention! Has he slept with many women before you, or had long term relationships? I may get flamed for saying this but I think porn is partly to blame, where women are having massive screaming 'orgasms' from the mere touch of a penis. Alot of women still fake it too which makes men none the wiser. I will admit i used to! You need to be honest, and tell him what gets you off. Good luck OP

titchy · 05/11/2020 17:12

Tell your partner, not Mumsnet

category12 · 05/11/2020 17:18

Tell him what you want and like. Does he realise you're not having orgasms during sex? Doesn't it bother him?

CodenameVillanelle · 05/11/2020 17:20

You go down on him and he never returns the favour? Ick. What a turn off. Stop sucking his dick for a start.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 05/11/2020 17:21

How long have you been with him? Has he ever been good at sex and got lazy and selfish, or has it always been shit?

If bin him off tbh. Shit sex twice a month? Erm no.

midsomermurderess · 05/11/2020 17:27

There might be a reason for that OP. The numbers of people who respond to these sorts of posts with no idea who they are talking to is bemusing.

BigButtons · 05/11/2020 17:54

It actually surprised me that my partner is so unskilled. The vast majority of men I’ve slept with have been very good at paying me right kind of attention. I guess I’ve just been lucky.
The book ‘she comes first’ is very good both for men and women.
I’ve told mine it would be great if he would read it. God knows if he will🙄

MashedSweetSpud · 05/11/2020 18:00

@CodenameVillanelle

You go down on him and he never returns the favour? Ick. What a turn off. Stop sucking his dick for a start.
This.

Stop pleasuring the selfish arse.

Skyla2005 · 05/11/2020 18:10

Tell him you want to orgasm before he does and don’t let him just get his pleasure until you have yours. You need to talk to him about it Really selfish not making sure you are satisfied aswell just stop letting him do this you are in control

Milkshake7489 · 05/11/2020 18:18

I honestly don't understand how people get into relationships with men who don't satisfy them during sex. It's depressing!

Tell him that you're not orgasming and would like to. Show him where to touch or explain what you like. If he doesn't listen, stop having sex.

Seriously, sex isn't a one way street. Good sex isn't over until both parties are 'finished' and any partner that rolls over after he orgasms without a second thought should be swiftly binned... (if you don't want/need to have an orgasm each time that's fine, but it should be your choice).

Joswis · 05/11/2020 18:25

My current partner (older man) told me all his previous women have had orgasms during penetrative sex when I showed him how to touch me. He's also told me he's never had enough sex. He's NEVER linked the two things.

I gave him things to read, such as articles on 70+% women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm.

I don't get why men don't get it. It's like them orgasming without having direct penis stimulation. Duh.

BigButtons · 05/11/2020 18:55

@Joswis

My current partner (older man) told me all his previous women have had orgasms during penetrative sex when I showed him how to touch me. He's also told me he's never had enough sex. He's NEVER linked the two things.

I gave him things to read, such as articles on 70+% women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm.

I don't get why men don't get it. It's like them orgasming without having direct penis stimulation. Duh.

I said the exact same thing to my oh. “ did you think you could orgasm with anything touching you penis?” He agreed not. Though he doesn’t want oral sex either.
Original poster
SassyJassy99 · 05/11/2020 20:56

@midsomermurderess

There might be a reason for that OP. The numbers of people who respond to these sorts of posts with no idea who they are talking to is bemusing.

What do you mean by this comment?

OP posts:
MissMarplesGlove · 05/11/2020 21:35

I really want foreplay to play a much bigger part of sex

But foreplay IS sex. Just as much as PIV "intercourse." One without the other does not compute.

Cathytotters · 05/11/2020 22:41

My hubby seemed to forget where my clit was after 15 years of doing a reasonable, if somewhat inconsistent, job of giving it some attention during sex. I found a combination of denial and the occasional comment about how gorgeous various other men at work were seemed to help him lift his game!

StarlightLady · 06/11/2020 07:33

If you are having regular sex with someone, you should be able to communicate.

The clitoris is the principal female sex organ. It is vital you make this clear to him and tell/show what you need.

MrsBrunch · 06/11/2020 12:05

Stop touching his penis and when he asks why tell him.

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