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Original poster

My partner ignores me when I talk..

42 replies

alesha123445 · 03/11/2020 22:21

The title says it all, when I talk to him he blanks me. He will stare at the TV and say he ignored me because he was concentrating. I get excited and show him presents for the LO at Christmas, he looks at me and starts watching TV. He justifies ignoring me because it was a good part. When I'm in the middle of a sentence he will start baby talking with the baby, I sometimes have to repeat myself up to 5 times and I have to make a deal to get a reply. If I try to have a conversation it feels like im talking to myself, maybe because I am. He will be on his game and I can be trying to get his attention for ages, before the lo i gamed too.. I know when he's not busy on it.
He says he loves me and I know he does, theres no other woman. But the of communication and being ignored, its getting to me. I used to push for a response, repeat myself, ask why he's ignoring me. Now I just feel this deep sadness when he does with no motivation to say anything else but to just sit there and walk away.
He .ages no effort to talk to me about anything, ask me how my day was. Nothing. I admit that I probably talk to much or come up with random things to say but I just want conversation.
I feel unseen and unimportant to him.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 03/11/2020 22:26

Oh I'm so sorry to read this. My grown up children are a bit like this with me and I think it's because I am annoying.

Does he talk to you, or is all the conversation one sided OP?

Anordinarymum · 03/11/2020 22:27

Oh I'm so sorry to read this. My grown up children are a bit like this with me and I think it's because I am annoying.

Does he talk to you, or is all the conversation one sided OP?

Original poster
alesha123445 · 03/11/2020 22:48

Its with near enough everything, I wouldnt even say im annoying. Even if I ask how his day went he just ignores what I say. He will look at me and start looking elsewhere. I feel invisible to him..

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 03/11/2020 22:51

Does he talk to you? I mean does he start a conversation?

Anordinarymum · 03/11/2020 22:52

Does he talk to you?

MrsRogerLima · 03/11/2020 22:59

Well he is a complete twat. I can't do two things at once granted so when my husband talks to me a pause the gam, TV, whatever so that I can concentrate on what he is saying.

Anything less is just massive disrespect op. That's not love.

Voice0fReason · 03/11/2020 23:02

I think it's downright rude and disrespectful.

FrenchtoEnglish · 03/11/2020 23:16

Maybe his attention span is shot after years of gaming. I've found that I used to be able to read novels really easily. One or two a week. I must have read two this year. I flit. FB, the news, messenger, YouTube... It's like an addiction. If my phone is nowhere near me, I can focus. But, if it's around I take the easy route. It's a modern disease. Could you have family dinners together with no devices? An hour's walk a day? No devices in the bedroom. I'm forcing myself to take these steps to ween myself off. What are you talking to him about? I'm very chatty, but only my mum and sister can cope with my gibbering on and on about stuff. I can probably be quite boring if I'm going on about rad fem politics or veganism or one of my rants... or the ins and outs of everything my DD said or did that was ace or funny that day. Can you start by just sitting and watching a film or séries together? Do something so you're not living totally separate lives?

screamingchild · 03/11/2020 23:54

My husband is like this too. It feels so disrespectful. When I explain to him how he comes across, he apologises and says that I need to say his name before I start taking and make sure he is listening. I think is really childish and makes me feel like his bloody teacher.
Sometimes maintaining a conversation with him is more effort than I can bare, so I give up.
I don't have any advice I'm afraid, but hoping your partner will buck up his ideas xx

screamingchild · 03/11/2020 23:56

It's one thing having to get his attention before starting a conversation, but it's quite another when he stops listening mid conversation or picks up his phone.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 04/11/2020 00:00

Could he have hearing problems? Sounds really odd to me.

PickAChew · 04/11/2020 00:04

You need to tell him quite plainly that he's being fucking rude.

You need to withdraw any efforts to make his life more pleasant.

If he's not shocked into realising what a twat he's being, then unfortunately you're flogging a dead horse.

PickAChew · 04/11/2020 00:05

@LivingDeadGirlUK

Could he have hearing problems? Sounds really odd to me.
Nah. Classic listening problems.
creaturcomforts · 04/11/2020 00:10

It's passive aggressive, it's like being able to say without words 'your not worth my time'. And by the way, you are! You are a partner and a person in your own right. I also find it quite controlling as you are then paying him extra attention by trying to get him to acknowledge you.

Totally on him and not your fault, it just sounds as through his priorities are on his gaming and tv, I've been there and done that, ex used to fall asleep while I was taking to him and his reasoning was he just was really tired.

What are his interests and what does he enjoy, it sounds as though he's not particularly good at communicating in general and you need to decide wether you can carry on and be fine with it like this.

What does he say if you tell him how much it hurts when he ignores what you are saying? What would he do if the situation was reversed.

I would be hurt too by this, as I would expect a partner to acknowledge me and turning your back on someone and walking away is like saying either he's above you or he literally doesnt know how adults communicate. Its teen behaviour!!

LindaEllen · 04/11/2020 00:17

My DP just concentrated on things REALLY hard, so it's like he's ignoring me but he's just not hearing me. If I manage to get his attention he gives it to me fully. Is this the case for you do you think? If he's just ignoring you, that's rude.

Anordinarymum · 04/11/2020 00:22

If he is ignoring you on purpose, he is being cruel. That's why I asked if he talks to you meaning does he actually start a conversation ever at all and I don't mean about mundane things, or does he just behave as if you are not there OP?

widespreadpanic · 04/11/2020 00:37

I agree with pp that it’s very passive aggressive and disrespectful. My ex would do this to me and I KNEW he did it to show me how whatever I was talking about was unimportant to him.

And I’m sorry, if Someone really loves you then they will actively listen even if what you’re talking about is boring or doesn’t pertain to them. If this happens here and there then that’s normal but for it to happen constantly speaks volumes about how he feels about you.

willowmelangell · 04/11/2020 05:51

I had this too. It is deliberate.

Perhaps don't hear him ask for dinner or his clean clothes.
Sounds petty but it might buck him up to being a bit more respectful.

Suzi888 · 04/11/2020 05:56

Does he only want to talk about things that interest him?
Do you say the same things/repeat the same thing each day? (I know we all do because that’s life).
What happens if you say nothing? Will he start a conversation then?

Modestandatinybitsexy · 04/11/2020 06:57

It sounds like he wants you to take care of everything - including him - but he doesn't want to hear about it.

It's rude and disrespectful, everyone has moments where they struggle to concentrate but to consistently ignore you, even after you've told him how it makes you feel, is just plain arsehole behaviour.

Whydidimarryhim · 04/11/2020 07:10

The question to ask yourself alesha is - is he like this with anyone else?
Does he respond to his mother,father,siblings, work colleagues and friends - If the answer is no - you have your answer.
Does he ever talk? How do you respond? Have you tried using the same strategy with him - change the subject.

I feel for you - wow how we need communication especially with your partner.
I will say - my ex said he loved me and I believe he did AND he hit me on many occasions.
The message I hear most here is “look at his actions” - he claims to love you - but the words don’t match.

I’d suggest counselling and if it’s a no I’d seriously consider my future with him.
I’m angry on your behalf.
You’ve told him - he’s continuing to ignore you - I think you have your answer.
I would detach a bit from him - I know Covid put us in lockdown but reach out to friends and families more - do not rely on him.
💐

FangsForTheMemory · 04/11/2020 07:18

People do this to me and I assume it’s because I’m boring them. I don’t say much because it’s embarrassing. However I wouldn’t put up with it from someone I lived with. In your position I’d be concentrating on my own interests and looking to leave.

Whatabambam · 04/11/2020 07:20

This isn't a very nice way to live and in effect he is putting your relationship at risk because he is making you feel unimportant and under valued. I think you have every right to feel upset and I would encourage you to try and talk to him and explain how it makes you feel. Ask him how he would feel if you ignored him repeatedly. Perhaps you can remind him that he is not like this with other people in his life and identify what it is about you that makes him feel justified to behaving like this. Ask him to spell out to you what aspects of your personality upset him to such a degree that he feels like it is acceptable to shut you out. I guess I am trying to get you to really make him recognise just how hurtful he is being. Communication, respect and enjoyment of each other's company are the necessary components of a healthy relationship. I am sending hugs to you because you need to feel heard ((((( )))))

Nowstrong · 04/11/2020 07:23

He is, first of all, extremely impolite. Secondly, I wonder what qualities he does have. If any. He sounds disrespectful and a bit of a waste of space. Now you have 2 children. One that you should and must educate. The other one is, unfortunately, a very bad example for your own child. He is showing you how much he cares for you. Apparently not a lot. As a previous poster mentioned, "look at his actions". The hills are that way. I hope that you have friends and family to help you.

Coffeecak3 · 04/11/2020 07:24

Do you talk to him the minute he gets in from work?
Both dh and I would need 20 minutes peace when we got in.
My dh would walk the dog whilst I chilled.

I'll be honest I sometimes do ignore my dh.
He never stops talking and often it's the weather or a list of jobs he thinks I should do. I've tried saying please don't talk as much because I'm not in the mood for a conversation and he gets quite huffy.

It sounds childish but perhaps you should ignore your dp for a while so he knows how it feels.