My partner ignores me when I talk..

[alesha123445]

The title says it all, when I talk to him he blanks me. He will stare at the TV and say he ignored me because he was concentrating. I get excited and show him presents for the LO at Christmas, he looks at me and starts watching TV. He justifies ignoring me because it was a good part. When I'm in the middle of a sentence he will start baby talking with the baby, I sometimes have to repeat myself up to 5 times and I have to make a deal to get a reply. If I try to have a conversation it feels like im talking to myself, maybe because I am. He will be on his game and I can be trying to get his attention for ages, before the lo i gamed too.. I know when he's not busy on it.
He says he loves me and I know he does, theres no other woman. But the of communication and being ignored, its getting to me. I used to push for a response, repeat myself, ask why he's ignoring me. Now I just feel this deep sadness when he does with no motivation to say anything else but to just sit there and walk away.
He .ages no effort to talk to me about anything, ask me how my day was. Nothing. I admit that I probably talk to much or come up with random things to say but I just want conversation.
I feel unseen and unimportant to him.

Mine does this and it is difficult. He also doesn't really give a lot of verbal or non-verbal feedback when you do talk to him so if I'm telling him something important I have to ask him to repeat what I said back to me which is tedious.

If it's just casual conversation I now give him one opportunity to listen before I give up. I'm not happy to have to make a special to be listened to or to have to keep checking he is still listening.

Obviously he has other good qualities or I wouldn't stay.

Do you talk to him the minute he gets in from work?
Both dh and I would need 20 minutes peace when we got in. I can agree with this, I'm so stressed with work at the moment (NHS) and never stop throughout the day with meetings, talking to people, but as soon as I come home DP wants to talk and chat and it's often about not a lot. It can be overwhelming at times! But, I have made it clear like coffee I do need a bit of decompression time, so he knows I'm not just being rude! Is he working at the moment?

I get why people are saying he is obnoxious and rude, but I do this too, and sometimes I genuinely don’t know I’m doing it, for example I’ll be watching something and concentrating on it and someone will talk to me and sometimes I don’t even hear what they’ve said, it’s like I genuinely switch off. Once I’m back to reality and they tell me they’ve tried speaking to me I’ll apologise and listen, does he eventually listen and take it on board? If so I’d suggest a set time every day, maybe at dinner - no phones no tv no anything of distraction so you can talk about the everyday stuff like Christmas presents and so forth. I promise it’s not a disinterest in you or what you have to say, not if he eventually listens.

It's really disrespectful

Has he always been this rude?

This is passive-agressive behaviour on your DP's part.

Often on MN, behaviours are labelled PA when they aren't. However, this ignoring, not replying, continuing his gaming, turning his attention to the baby when you're in the middle of a sentence, THIS is all classic PA stuff.

Depending on how often it happens and how talkative you are, it can be intolerable.

I have a MIL who never shuts up and talks on and on about extremely trivial things - even about people you have never met - and we all have to interject at times if we want to steer her in another direction. We even take it in turns to "listen", if she is doing a twenty-minute non-story in which we have zero interest, so as to allow people who have been stuck for ten minutes a little time off to leave the room and do other things.

However, if your talkativeness is within normal bounds, and there's no suggestion that it isn't, this is massively disrespectful and needs to stop.

I'd say it sounds deliberate. A way of putting you in your place and showing you that you have to make a big effort to deserve his attention. Ask him whether his colleagues have to try to get his attention 5 times before he'll bother answering. I very much doubt they do. Do you respond straight away when he talks to you? If so, maybe try not doing so for a while, so he can see how it feels.

It sounds deliberate and passive aggressive. Or he has terrible manners. It's like you aren't worth his time. A key question is whether he does this with other people or in work for example. This might be hard to gauge though.

Does he show any other signs he might have other issues with executive function for example?

My ex used to do this to me on a daily basis. After many years of such, I came to realise that it was his way of getting me to learn to communicate with him on his terms. My input always seemed irrelevant to him and ultimately I ended up feeling awkward and uncomfortable on each occasion.

He was mildly controlling and this was just one of his unattractive ways of doing so. There's a reason he's my ex.

Hes not being very nice, treating you as if youre invisible

You deserve to be heard. What you have to say is important. We are listening.

I lived this and eventually I made a conscious decision to only speak when I was spoken to. I lived a half life until I couldn't take anymore and left.

You said you know he loves you but how do you know if he never talks to you. I don’t think he would treat you this way if he loves you. It it’s make you feel very small and worthless. I would start by ignoring him and see how he likes it. Just stop altogether. I couldn’t be in a relationship like this I think you should seriously consider your future with him it must be soul destroying

Google the song "maybe he'll notice her now" lyrics, it might right a bell

It must be a man thing because I've been reading lots of comments and I have to say I am so glad I found this website, because I have the exact problem you all do. Me and my husband could be talking and he will plain as day in mid sentence while I'm saying something pick up his cell and ignore what I'm saying just to do what he wanted to do. He will interrupt me in mid sentence just to say something he wants to say sometimes as well.

Why are you resurrecting a Zombie thread, thar is over 2 years old ?

Hello @LindseyBeals - welcome to Mumsnet. As this thread is a few years old, you might want to start your own. If you need help with this, please let us know.

I don't need help I was just responding to it. I don't like your attitude

Have you just said to him

"Regardless of whether you love me or not this looking away is just plain fucking rude"

Every time he does it just say clearly "rude" and walk away.