Shocked by LTB responses

[JoyandPeace]

There seem to be more and more posters advising women to leave their husbands / kick them out / get divorced.

What do other people think about this?

Yes agree with op, there are a few excellent posters who are really helpful and centre the op in their replies but a lot are just unhelpful in my eyes.
The most important thing to do in a reply is to centre the op and focus on their experiences and find a route that works for them.
The worst thing is to imply the op is an idiot for getting into/staying in the situation.
Worse still some posters centre their own feelings of not being listened to by the op and get annoyed that the op is reluctant to leave the house instantly, which really annoys me when people do that in their replies.

Having said all that, i think this is a great place and really helpful, so i can personally excuse the noise!

I agree OP. On a recent thread I called for the OP to speak to their partner but was ridiculed, insulted and told I was “just a man” so was an abuse excuser.

I think a lot of posters project, extrapolate and advise based on what they have made up, not what is written

Hmm. I don't agree with you op.

I think when you have been in a relationship for a long time, it becomes incredibly difficult to leave even when you know you really should. I was married for almost 30 years and found it almost impossible to even think about splitting up even though I was becoming increasingly unhappy. It just seemed such a massive step to take.

I eventually left and, three years on, I am much happier. I just wished I had had the courage to post on here and get an outside perspective - I might not have wasted so much of my life.

Hmm. I don't agree with you op.

I think when you have been in a relationship for a long time, it becomes incredibly difficult to leave even when you know you really should. I was married for almost 30 years and found it almost impossible to even think about splitting up even though I was becoming increasingly unhappy. It just seemed such a massive step to take.

I eventually left and, three years on, I am much happier. I just wished I had had the courage to post on here and get an outside perspective - I might not have wasted so much of my life.

@Angrymum22

I think anyone who posts on an anonymous forum should be very careful about acting on the advice from someone who has no face or name. We teach our children about internet safety particularly regarding social media, some of the threads where posters look for and encourage updates are uncomfortably close to the grooming that takes place on other “darker” forums. I agree with the pp who suggests that we only get one side of a story, there are often subtle signs of control issues and entitlement from some posters who have an idealistic view of what a long term relationship should be like. I have known quite a few women who are definitely the abuser but claim to be the victim. Like most abusers they can be very convincing victims. I have always found rl advice much more valuable when the person you confide in knows your relationship and the person you are in conflict with. I recently tested out the mn v rl advice over an issue in my relationship and found that rl advice was sound and sensitive because the confident knows me and DH well. No matter how hard you tie yourself in knots someone on MN will always twist your story to suit their theory.

I think it depends on the issue and who your friends are. Basically by going to friends you are likely to end up with confirmation bias. Eg on how much housework you shouLD expect your DH to do and whether he is lazy. You are more likely to have people around you with similar beliefs and boundaries and therefore to be confirmed your situation is normal even you find it hard to accept. Whereas MN might well scream LTB in that situation.

I agree with @trixiebelden77 that I am finding a lot of people set the bar very low. And even more in RL.

I wish MN existed in this form 17 years ago. I might not have accepted what I did then